Defying Gravity

I can run 10+ minutes without stopping!  I have proven to myself and can do this!  I was talking to my friend who has run a marathon and a triathlon and telling her I was up to 9 minutes, and she said that if I can run 9 minutes then I could run the whole 5k being that my system has built up it’s endurance.  Just her telling me that gave me courage and I went out and did an hour run in sets of 10 minutes and the last run being 14 minutes.  It ended up being 4.4 miles.  That is amazing that my body can do that... that my mind can tell my body I can do that!!  Just  3 weeks ago I could barely run 1 minute!

I feel like Elphaba in “Wicked” when she sings “Defying Gravity”!  I so relate to this:

Something has changed within me - Something is not the same 

I'm through with playing by the rules, Of someone else's game 

Too late for second-guessing, Too late to go back to sleep 

It's time to trust my instincts - Close my eyes: and leap! 

It's time to try Defying gravity 

I think I'll try Defying gravity 

And you can't pull me down! ...

I'm through accepting limits ‘'cause someone says they're so 

Some things I cannot change But till I try, I'll never know! 

Too long I've been afraid of Losing love I guess I've lost 

Well, if that's love It comes at much too high a cost! 

I'd sooner buy Defying gravity 

Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity 

And you can't pull me down

Everything I do that is new feels like I’ve conquered my old self!  It feels like I’ve taken my limits off.  It feels like I am defying gravity and refuse to be pulled down by old limits.

Here is a new case in point:  

I totally screwed up my eating this weekend by BINGING on sugar.  I made brownies Saturday night and a double batch of sugar cookies Sunday and helped myself to Way Too Many (I don’t want to even list the number).  I even had my daughter hide the cookies from me sunday night or I would have finished them all!  I felt guilty and bloated and disgusted with myself.  

While I ate these sugar bombs... I enjoyed them and felt like I “deserved” them and that all my good efforts would counteract this indiscretion.  I was lonely and feeling sorry for myself.  I wanted and deserved to be comforted.  I rationalized my eating.  It doesn’t end there... this morning, I convinced my daughter to let me have just a few more.  At first she would NOT let me (good girl), but then my other daughter defended me and and told her to give them to me and then they did.  And I ate another like 10 cookies.  Drat!!  Then I felt guilty again.  Thankfully, my son finished those blasted cookies off, now the temptation is GONE.

So as I was driving my kids to swimming today, I was feeling defeated somewhat and wondering how often this is going to happen... when I just thought: 

This doesn’t define me!  This doesn’t have to “happen” anymore!  I choose for myself!  I will say how my story will go.  I don’t care what the statistics are... I am the captain of my boat!  

And I realized that in these “temptation” situations, I did NOT turn to prayer for help.  

So I am NOT defeated.  I am wiser!  I will NOT have boxes of brownies in my house from now on... or cookies.  I will keep temptation far from me and remember to ask for the Lord’s help Daily or hourly if needed.  I refuse to beat myself up and give in to self-loathing thoughts again (no more calling myself horrible names!)  I’m through accepting limits!  I WILL defy gravity.  Who’s with me?

BTW - Saturday night (after the brownies), I went to the gym and ran/walked a 5K in 46 minutes!!  WOO HOO!  So I have this last week to build up to hopefully running the whole 5K on Saturday.  Brent comes home this week, and my oldest graduates... so much fun stuff going on.  AND we’re hoping to hear that one of the houses we have offers on will be accepted this week.  Hoping and praying and DEFYING GRAVITY!!  

How will YOU defy Gravity?