Our Quest to change our lives began in Feb. 2010 and we lost 224 lbs. This is the story of our continuing Journey through the ups and downs of maintenance.
(For the fullest effect, begin at the beginning in Feb. 2010 using our Blog Archive on sidebar)

Monday, May 30, 2011

Defying Gravity

I can run 10+ minutes without stopping!  I have proven to myself and can do this!  I was talking to my friend who has run a marathon and a triathlon and telling her I was up to 9 minutes, and she said that if I can run 9 minutes then I could run the whole 5k being that my system has built up it’s endurance.  Just her telling me that gave me courage and I went out and did an hour run in sets of 10 minutes and the last run being 14 minutes.  It ended up being 4.4 miles.  That is amazing that my body can do that... that my mind can tell my body I can do that!!  Just  3 weeks ago I could barely run 1 minute!
I feel like Elphaba in “Wicked” when she sings “Defying Gravity”!  I so relate to this:
Something has changed within me - Something is not the same 
I'm through with playing by the rules, Of someone else's game 
Too late for second-guessing, Too late to go back to sleep 
It's time to trust my instincts - Close my eyes: and leap! 
It's time to try Defying gravity 
I think I'll try Defying gravity 
And you can't pull me down! ...
I'm through accepting limits ‘'cause someone says they're so 
Some things I cannot change But till I try, I'll never know! 
Too long I've been afraid of Losing love I guess I've lost 
Well, if that's love It comes at much too high a cost! 
I'd sooner buy Defying gravity 
Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity 
And you can't pull me down

Everything I do that is new feels like I’ve conquered my old self!  It feels like I’ve taken my limits off.  It feels like I am defying gravity and refuse to be pulled down by old limits.
Here is a new case in point:  
I totally screwed up my eating this weekend by BINGING on sugar.  I made brownies Saturday night and a double batch of sugar cookies Sunday and helped myself to Way Too Many (I don’t want to even list the number).  I even had my daughter hide the cookies from me sunday night or I would have finished them all!  I felt guilty and bloated and disgusted with myself.  
While I ate these sugar bombs... I enjoyed them and felt like I “deserved” them and that all my good efforts would counteract this indiscretion.  I was lonely and feeling sorry for myself.  I wanted and deserved to be comforted.  I rationalized my eating.  It doesn’t end there... this morning, I convinced my daughter to let me have just a few more.  At first she would NOT let me (good girl), but then my other daughter defended me and and told her to give them to me and then they did.  And I ate another like 10 cookies.  Drat!!  Then I felt guilty again.  Thankfully, my son finished those blasted cookies off, now the temptation is GONE.
So as I was driving my kids to swimming today, I was feeling defeated somewhat and wondering how often this is going to happen... when I just thought: 

This doesn’t define me!  This doesn’t have to “happen” anymore!  I choose for myself!  I will say how my story will go.  I don’t care what the statistics are... I am the captain of my boat!  
And I realized that in these “temptation” situations, I did NOT turn to prayer for help.  
So I am NOT defeated.  I am wiser!  I will NOT have boxes of brownies in my house from now on... or cookies.  I will keep temptation far from me and remember to ask for the Lord’s help Daily or hourly if needed.  I refuse to beat myself up and give in to self-loathing thoughts again (no more calling myself horrible names!)  I’m through accepting limits!  I WILL defy gravity.  Who’s with me?
BTW - Saturday night (after the brownies), I went to the gym and ran/walked a 5K in 46 minutes!!  WOO HOO!  So I have this last week to build up to hopefully running the whole 5K on Saturday.  Brent comes home this week, and my oldest graduates... so much fun stuff going on.  AND we’re hoping to hear that one of the houses we have offers on will be accepted this week.  Hoping and praying and DEFYING GRAVITY!!  
How will YOU defy Gravity? 


Sarah said...

I listen to that song during every workout! I love it. Yea for you for accomplishing so much! I'm still not wanting to run, ever, but it's becoming more of an option for me. It's great to see how good you are doing!


Tammy and Mike said...

Ummm...you're going to have to push me in a jogging stroller during the run. You are rockin' lady!

A Journey to a new me... said...

I'm with you on defying gravity! I'm doing it by using one of two mantras: "if you want it, it eat; just be accountable and write it down." and "surely I can (run further, eat less, enjoy life more)." I'm really working hard (and praying often) at not beating myself up for choices. I am an adult and surely I can behave like one-right? :O) Next I will work on not being stress spaz.

Great job on the running...sounds like you are making great strides!

Absolutely, Positively Josie said...

The first sentence of this post blew me away! You are a machine! I love that you still exercised, even after the sugar. I really like the idea that everything new you do is conquering the old self. Put on that new man.

Brownies and sugar cookies (two of my numerous favorites, but near the top of the list). Get out of my head, Margene! =)

Love and blessings!

Joy said...

Look at you!! Girl we are going to get this 5k done!!! Can't wait!! I'm with you on the food/sweets thing. Best defense is to not bring it into the house!

Keep up the great work and stay focused!!!

Rettakat said...

Loved this! Especially your point that is didn't just "happen", and that it was a choice, and you are choosing better now... YOU say how your story goes. Good stuff!!

Kimberlynn said...

There's so much I want to say! First...awesome job on the running. I'm so encouraged to know that 9 minutes means you can run the whole thing. I'm looking forward to running...soon!

As for the brownie cookie incident, I just love when you said "I am NOT defeated. I am wiser!" Those words could only be spoken from someone who really gets what this journey is all about. It's not about being perfect, it's about learning from mistakes and moving forward. You're doing that and you should feel so proud!!! And thanks for the reminder to pray for help. It's easy to get caught up in the temptation and forget that.

I love you my friend!!!


Michele said...

This post is one more reminder of how you inspire so many of us. Yes, you caved, for a bit, but your resolve to move on it admirable. Great, great job on the running.

Debbie said...

You are such an inspiration! I can relate so easily to this particular post.

I gave you The Adorable Blog Award. Should you decide to accept this award, you can find the information on my blog.