Our Quest to change our lives began in Feb. 2010 and we lost 224 lbs. This is the story of our continuing Journey through the ups and downs of maintenance.
(For the fullest effect, begin at the beginning in Feb. 2010 using our Blog Archive on sidebar)

Sunday, January 1, 2012

How to Loath yourself in 9 simple steps

How to Loath yourself effectively and consistently in 9 simple steps!  Guaranteed to work and last for years!  You too, can become a self-loathing MASTER!
  1. Negative self-talk. This is the foundation of loathing oneself and you must master this, young padawan!  Practice this at night as you lie in bed.  Think of all the mistakes you made and stupid things you said and note every tiny detail.  Include calling yourself names like dork, idiot, jerk, geek, loser, moron, etc.
  2. Do not make your bed. This is so when you see your bed after getting up, it will look inviting to just slip back in it again.  Then proceed with #1 while you lie there thinking that you will sleep.  Add a little weeping in for good measure!  Get up later with a humongous headache.
  3. Listen to mean people.  Imagine that someone like Simon Cowell is there nit picking you after every move you make.  Critics are the most smart and correct people ever.  Analyze everything you hear them say and take it all very personally and to heart - even if they were referring to someone else.
  4. Meditate on your flaws.  Spend hours doing this.  Make a list if you need to.  Exaggerate them as that will really help in extending your meditations.
  5. Don’t believe any compliments.  Better yet, learn to forget they were ever said.  After all, most people aren’t honest anyway - at least with their compliments.
  6. Focus on all your failures, even the tiniest of ones.  Forget about any successes you’ve had as they were just flukes.  Your failures and mistakes reflect the real you.  Be sure and relive the most painful ones several times a day!  
  7. See through people who are “just being nice”.  Most kind things are said only because someone doesn’t want to say what they really think and hurt your feelings.  You can bypass that and go right ahead and feel hurt by whatever they say!  
  8. Remember that you are the victim.  This is essential.  Everyone is smarter, has a better job, better family, is more liked, has more friends, is better looking, more fit, more emotionally healthy, has a better house, nicer garden, sweeter car, cooler eyebrows, funnier wit, more beautiful voice, etc. than you.  And they are all generally happier without you around.  You are only a charity case to others.  And remember, if others were only less judgmental, truly caring, saw the good in you (even though you don’t), and treated you with the love and respect you deserve then you might have a shot at being happy!  But that will never happen!  Consider going outside and eating a worm, but then, feel bad because that worm could be ingested by anyone better than you!
  9. Develop the “who cares” attitude.  Since you are nothing in the totem pole of life, you might a well not waste your energy on anything fun or productive.  Go ahead and let your house get messy, who cares?  Go ahead and not wear make-up or put on any nice clothes, who cares anyway?  It’s not like anyone is going to notice or that it will change your circumstances (see #8), so why waste that energy?  It makes more sense to plant yourself in front of the TV and enjoy a big bowl of ice cream, fresh baked brownies or better yet, both!  Who cares, right?  
Okay, so this sounds absurd and silly - but for me it’s been a reality not that long ago.

Even after striving to have a close relationship with God, I still sometimes fall into this negative thinking.  And what the truth really is:  It is all a big LIE.  I have learned for myself that all these negative thoughts I’ve believed about myself have all been LIES.  All of them!!  Whatever I give my belief to, I give my power to.  So, I refuse to believe it anymore! 

Now, if by chance you DO NOT want to become a self-loathing master - or maybe you are a master and want to loose those self-loathing skills... here are the 4 tips that have helped me:
1. Pray.  First and foremost for me has been to pray for help!  Things had to get bad enough, I had to feel desperate enough and basically be miserable enough to lay it all out before my Maker and be willing to work my way out of this deep pit.  I needed help to do that.  I made prayer a huge part of that.  Sometimes praying several times a day - even several times an hour sometimes.  This has become the core of my strength to overcome.
2. Read Positive books.  The scriptures are a great start and also other good books that build you up.  It’s about creating NEW PATHWAYS in your thinking so you practice filtering out those negative thoughts.  I found the book:  The 4:8 Principle by Tommy Newberry to really help me change the way I think.  I put quotes from this book all over my room and house to read every day and remember how I want to change my perspective in given situations.  
Some of my favorite quotes from this book are:
  • Marinate in the solutions to my problems
  • I can build any virtue into my mentality by dwelling on that virtue every single day
  • Whatever I give my attention to expands in my experience.  I will experience more of whatever I dwell upon
  • Stuff happens - move on.  Never let an old wound fester due to excessive attention
  • Forget failures and relive my joys
  • Become a forgiveness machine!
  • Joy NOW - live each hour as if my full potential has already materialized.  Proceed moment by moment with the attitude I would have if my most heartfelt prayers have already been answered.
  • Look with eyes of Faith - see what wold be if I would change my attitude and allow God to work in the situation.
  • Behave as if my prayers have already been answered.
  • Speak only what I seek
  • Do my words emphasize my blessings or my worries?
  • Do not talk about myself as the person I no longer desire to be.  Avoid making repeated, passing references to my mistakes and fears.  Cast out all self-deprecating remarks.
  • How would the future me respond?  Imagine myself with the habits I would have if I were already living my best life.
  • Whatever I dwell on becomes increasingly prominent in my own mind.  I will always feel what I dwell on.  Whatever I focus on, I am going to experience.
  • Replace negative thoughts with thoughts of gratitude
  • Extinguish negative thinking by not feeding it.  Refuse to nourish negative thoughts or give them any attention.
  • I am Responsible
  • Always give the other person the benefit of the doubt
  • Each moment is a new beginning
Other books that have proven very helpful to me are:
Wake up to a Happier Life - Amanda Dickson
Stop whining, Start Living - Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Life is Short - Wear your Party Pants - Loretta Laroche
Boundaries - Cloud & Townsend
3. Listen to Positive Music.  I love inspirational music.  I also love a huge array of pop and rock music.  I can easily get caught up listening to my many playlists, yet I find that when I listen to my inspirational music during the day - I seem to find it easier to think positive and to feel the Lord’s influence in my life.  I gain more power to overcome the negative thoughts.  
4. Seek Counseling.  I am a firm believer that there are times when we each need to talk to a professional counselor or therapist.  This may be especially true if struggling with thoughts of depression.  Sometimes we do need professional help and that is no negative reflection on ourselves - but just the fact that life is hard.  
I’ve actually had this post written for over a year - but it’s been too close to home to publish until now.    
There is power in believing.  There is power in Faith.  (This is why I named my blog what I have).  This has been a bigger battle to me than even losing my weight, and it goes hand in hand with it actually.  As I let my weight go, I am working on letting these old beliefs go.  I choose to listen to the source of all good, who made me in His image and who has born my griefs and heartaches, even my savior Jesus Christ.  I hope anyone reading this who has any of these self-loathing tendencies like the ones listed above can let them go too, and learn to see the beauty in yourself and to love yourself, and to know WHO you really are.  Self-loathing is a painful suffering that I have worked SO hard in overcoming.  I pray that others who suffer from this can overcome as well!  Life is SO good and Life is TOO short to waste feeling negative!!

12 comments:

Michele said...

A very authentic and powerful post, Margene. Life IS short. Positive attitude is everything. Happy New Year! Michele

Karla said...

Margene this post is exactly why I love your blog so much
(((((((hugs))))))
Thank you, you put into words so much of what works for me :)
Happy New Year

Rettakat said...

Oh Margene... this was an amazing post. You simply MUST put a link to it in your sidebar. For anyone seeking answers and whose heart is ready to receive... it will bless their socks off!!

Off to check out that book the 4:8 Principle.

Miz said...

oh oh oh amazing post.
I have nada nada nada to add.

Sharon said...

Isn't it funny how we write posts or have ideas for posts in our head, but it just doesn't seem the right time to publish. And somehow we just know when something feels helpful in communicating about our own journey, but might also benefit someone else. I see that written all over this one since you say you wrote it a long time ago. Obviously it has struck a chord with others including me and therein lies the beauty of this thing we call blogging. Happy New Year to you. Am looking forward to knowing you better in 2012.

Absolutely, Positively Josie said...

Very poignant, Margene! And I love that "Pray" is at the top of the good list because I know how key that is. Giving someone the benefit of the doubt is such a positive, commonsense thing to do, and I know I'll do well to follow your good list and chuck everything on the bad.

PS: I'm using the term "leans and greens" like crazy around here.

Happy New Year to you and your family!

Sarah said...

What a delightfully positive post! All the info is so true though. It's so easy to be negative, have bad self talk, and feel like you are a victim.

I'm glad you gave some positive examples to change this negative behavior.

Have a great 2012!

Sarah
notaneffingdiet.blogspot.com

Joy said...

Great post my Friend!!! So important! I know this was a tough one for you. You have come so far!! Keep up the great work and stay focused!!!

Love and hugs!

Jennifer said...

Hi there! I got your message about the half marathon, and while I am definitely not a pro I will gladly let you know what worked for me! First, I am so excited that you are considering this!!! I followed Hal Higdons 12 week training schedule. I followed it pretty strictly, although you can change days up here and there as long as they get done. If you just google Hal Higdon training schedule it should come right up. I followed the novice program. I was shocked how fast my body adjusted and how my short runs (4 miles) quickly became my long runs!

If there is one thing I can caution you on that really shocked me and put a wrench in my plan.... make sure you are eating properly when you are training for this. I dont think I was eating enough protein and I found myself uncontrollably hungry a few days after longer runs. And I ate whatever in sight and ended up gaining weight. And make sure you are eating enough carbs (the good kind) so you dont get an upset stomach during or after running.

I am no pro but I will gladly share any info I have with you! You can do this my friend! It is so surreal! There was a photography company there at the half taking pics. It was so funny to see that I was smiling in every single picture! And now I have this accomplishment and the medal to prove it and I cant wait to do another half marathon this year!!! Also, choose your half marathon wisely. Try not to pick on that is super hilly or challenging.

Also, I found that Gu really helped me on the long runs. Odd consistency but boy does it work to give you a boost mid run!!!

You can do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jennifer
www.wecanlosethepounds.blogspot.com

Bring Pretty Back said...

I could write and write and write a response to this amazing post.
I will keep it short and say - THANK YOU.
Kristin

Rettakat said...

Just thought I'd let you know how much I LOVE that book you recommended, The 4:8 Principle! First I got the download to listen to on my iPod. Then I realized I wanted to make notes and re-read parts. So I got the paper book too, LOL! Thanks for sharing about it, it's wonderful.

Bring Pretty Back said...

OH!!!!!!!!! And THANK YOU for the link to that awesome article on PRETTY!!! Oh my gosh! I loved it!!!
Kristin