Our Quest to change our lives began in Feb. 2010 and we lost 224 lbs. This is the story of our continuing Journey through the ups and downs of maintenance.
(For the fullest effect, begin at the beginning in Feb. 2010 using our Blog Archive on sidebar)

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

20 TIPS: HOW TO AVOID LOOKING FAT!

How to avoid looking fat!

(aka - how to trick your brain into thinking that you will not appear fat to anyone who is looking at you)... from the ever so professional experts... me and the hubs!


1. Stand in the Back. The people in front of you are the ones who stick out. You will look so skinny all the way in the back!

2. Stand behind your kids - people will see your face and only assume you have a skinny body behind your cute kids. If you don’t have kids, borrow someone else’s!
3. Have the camera angle up high - This is a classic. You always look skinny from above and you can’t see those double chins either!
4. Provide a look of intelligence and distinction - this is for when nothing else is available. Your intelligent look will make people wonder what you know that they don’t and they won’t even notice your humongous girth!
5. Stand with flowers in front of your face - I came up with this ingenious idea. Notice how your eyes are drawn to these sunflowers and I am just kind of blending in with their beauty. No thought whatsoever is given to my double chin. True ingeniousness!
6. Stand in front of something big - You will look ever so tiny when you are next to something big like this huge palm tree.
7. Stand next to the ocean - going along with #6 - what is bigger than the ocean? See how tiny I look next to the vastness of the sea? (you might have to look hard to find me!)
8. Do rabbit ears on someone - This works everytime! Simply put rabbit ears on the person next to you and the attention is drawn to them. Boy, how silly they look. People won’t even notice that you are eating ice cream!
9. Squat behind a couch - my sister and I authored this idea. People will only focus on your beautiful smiles and not even wonder why you are squatting down.
10. Stand cheek to cheek - something about the blending of cheeks seems to reduce mass. And people will only focus on how cute you are together instead of how large you are together!
11. Wear Turtle Necks - Another classic. Who doesn’t do this to hide their chin? This one is a stylish “wrap around”... even inside a store it does not look weird that I am covering up. And who knows but that I have a super model skinny body underneath that poncho? (of course, I’m wearing a big life jacket under there as well, ya see)
12. Hold a cute purse - YES! All you really notice in this picture is that super cute purse I have. Coincidence? NOPE, I did it to distract you. Quite the genius, I know!
13. Hold something cool - going along with #12 - you can also hold something very cool like some Star Trek ships. This distracts people and makes you look amazing!
14. Talk on your Cell Phone - Everyone knows that people who talk on their cell phones in public are very important and successful people. And very important successful people are never thought to be fat. Therefore, you will look skinny when you talk on your cell phone!
15. Wear a Sweet Mask - Especially if it’s someone cool like Nacho Libre. Others only see your total coolness and cool people never look big!
16. Hold a baby - Another classic!! Babies are so cute. You can’t help but look adorable and skinny when you hold a cute little baby!
17. Hold a baby and wear a hat - Everyone knows that a cute hat makes you look thin and add this to holding a baby and you will impress everyone!
18. Wear hat and sunglasses - for the ultimate STELLAR look! Passerby’s will be amazed at your sleek look that it will only register in their brain that you are thin and fit!
19. Fold you arms and look dangerous - This draws attention to your strength. People will assume that your largeness is just your incredible muscle and “big boneness” which adds to your coolness quotient factor!
20. When all else fails - Stare Blankly! This is a last resort and you have a 50/50 chance of coming across extremely intelligent or extremely distracted. Either way, attention is drawn away from your size!

Well.... eventually we ran out of ways to keep ourselves deluded and found a way to try and stop looking fat for reals! Still on that journey!

20 comments:

Ann (-17 lbs in -60 lb challenge) said...

Oh, LOL ... these were hysterical (and so true) !! I have done ALL of those things. You forgot a few though. Remember:

21. Do an exaggerated, silly pose yourself. The theatrical look makes the heaviness seem necessary and/or intentional to the character.

22. Stand behind the open car door, resting your arms on the opened window frame (less explaining to do than with the couch squat, as I've discovered). This has the side benefit of modeling the car ...

23. Wrap yourself (blanket, snuggie, whatever) ... makes it look like a candid "cold weather" shot, and all that girth MUST be the blanket material, right?

24. Pile them on! Similar to standing at the back of the photo, have the kids pile on and your head just peeks out from under the pile (works best for heavy men).

25. Get lost in a big group of similarly weighted people. One, we look "to scale" (similar to grouping yourself near a larger object), but also, the mind has trouble finding you anyway. Try to pick out one polar bear from 20 ... they all look the same! Plays off the "Safety in numbers" theme.

Ah, yes ... flabby photos 101, I've got those nailed down. I can't believe you didn't have the "hold a pillow in front of my stomach" shot, while sitting on a couch or chair though ... classic, classic move!

Thanks for the giggles!!

xxox

Christine said...

This is so cute!!! I love it!!

Thanks for your challenge....so to speak...with your comment about finding a way to celebrate birthdays in a healthy way made me think!!! Why do b-days have to be so unhealthy???and I will be changing a couple of things at the next one...I can't do much about the one tomorrow because I have already got everything ready but the next one is in 2.5 weeks so that is where it will begin.

lynnss1 said...

Margene:

Love this post!! I wish we didn't live on opposite sides of the country... I would love to experience your sense of humor up close and personal. You're great! And looking good!

Have a good week!

Lynn

first steps said...

LOL! These are so funny!! I've tried them all and more....to no avail, I still don't like how I look in pictures!

Mom to the Fourth Power said...

Ann... those are good ones! I should have included the pillow on my lap one, I have a TON of those!!

Christine... You'll have to share with me your ideas!! I'm excited for you new healthy birthdays!

Lynn... I would love it if you lived close. You are SO sweet!!!

First steps... I'm with you there! I still have a hard time liking myself in pictures. :)

Nancy B. Kennedy said...

Hysterically funny! Love the last photo!

A Journey to a new me... said...

LOVE this post...holds so much truth too!! xoxo

spunkysuzi said...

You gave me my chuckle for the day :) Your so cute!!

Nancy B. Kennedy said...

Margene... I would love to tell your story on my blog Thirty Ways... how do I contact you? You can contact me at kennedy5961 at aol.com Or via my website, www.nancybkennedy.com

Nancy

ritelane said...

All of you commenters are right on target! We've all been there! Funny stuff...thanks.

Lucy said...

Also...hold jacket in front of your body and the best one of all (one I'm most guilty of!), Don't let anyone but yourself take the photos!!!

Tammy and Mike said...

Very clever! You guys are looking great!

Juli's Journey said...

What an awesome and visual list, Margene. I LOVE it. I actually think I have done all of those poses myself. Too funny. Thanks for sharing.

Deb said...

Those are awesome. Though it seems like a lot of work...

You look great in the last picture. I think I'll shoot for that look. :)

Deb Willbefree said...

Oh, this post was precious! I love it. Hahaha. So clever. And you guys now look sooooo thin--and no hats, babies or purses!

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I promise I'll have a more detailed update next week. This week's post was too long already--and I HAD to talk about the bodybugg. chuckle.

Deb

mensa said...

Love it, you put a smile on my face and made me laugh out loud. Laughing burns calories, doesn't it. Your a peach!

~Sheilah

Michele said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. Love your humor and the pictures from this post.Michele

Julie said...

Hide behind the dog, that works too.
You guys are one hot couple.
Keep up the fantastic work. I have a small question, do you have an ideal weight your heading too? I know you both wanted to lose 250 this year. Just curious.
Okay, I'm caught up now. Take care and have a blessed evening.

Lanie Painie said...

Love this post. Very funny!

Liz said...

hahaha, LOVED these!