Our Quest to change our lives began in Feb. 2010 and we lost 224 lbs. This is the story of our continuing Journey through the ups and downs of maintenance.
(For the fullest effect, begin at the beginning in Feb. 2010 using our Blog Archive on sidebar)

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Week 35

I am down 1 pound from last week and the hubs has stayed the same again.

My daughter begged me to get this top at Walmart so I did. It hugs me and I'm not used to that but I kind of like it!

We have been working our way at getting more settled in to our new house and trying not to have life so crazy. I am anxious to get into a regular schedule and work towards all of our goals!

I have been sticking to my plan-food but sometimes when it’s busy, I do feel sorry for myself that I can’t just give in and eat a ton of pizza with my kids. I mean I could do that, but I would be more upset with myself if I did because I don’t want to change my momentum and it wouldn’t be worth it in the end. That’s part of the emotional eating of my past, but it can creep in when I am stressed or down and just want some quick comfort.

This weekend we worked on cleaning our old house and making repairs as needed. The hubs is feeling a huge amount of stress which is mostly work related. That could be a whole other post in itself... or a whole other blog for that matter. We are working on learning how to let go of stress and work through it so it doesn’t consume us.

It was wonderful to have my sister come up last week (and my niece this week) from Utah. I really miss my family! We snapped some pics of us when they were here... and then I compared them to some pics we had with them just last year.

~ July 2009 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ October 2010 ~

I don’t mean to be obsessed with comparison pics but it really does astound me. I have been big for SO long. Even my husband has seen me obese most of our time together except for maybe 2-3 years after we first met. I feel so different yet I feel exactly the same. It’s weird every time I look in the mirror. I wonder who that woman is.

I have been used to loathing myself for such a long time. It takes time to think and feel differently about myself. I have associated my worth to my weight and appearance too much in my past, but not in an obvious way to myself.

It’s like I would THINK TO MYSELF: “I am a daughter of Heavenly Father and He loves me and I have endless potential. I am lovable and kind and fun to be around”.

Yet my CORE BELIEF REALLY WAS: “I am so fat and homely and have no worth to anyone. It is hard to love me or to be around me unless it’s out of charity. No one would want to hug me. I am only wanted if I do nice things for others - then I might have some worth, although it’s only temporary.”

I wanted to believe the first one, but inside I really felt the second way and it was always depressing. (Doesn’t it just depress you just to read it?) I believed a lie and I lived that lie for over two decades. And every time something negative happened - it reinforced this belief. Because of that belief, I have questioned everyone’s “love” for me - even my family and husbands. It’s SO HARD to break the hold that those thoughts have had over me. My husband knows of my struggles and he’s been such a support to me. He truly has seen me at my worst and my best and still loves me.

Part of shedding this weight is shedding that old past. Sometimes it creeps back in and it’s a battle to fight those lies. But they are lies... from the father of all lies. I refuse to believe anymore. The shackles are COMING OFF!! It does feel like a breaking free and escaping a prison. I’m sure there are many who read this who can relate. I truly appreciate those of you who read this blog and follow our journey. It’s been healing for us to blog about our journey and we appreciate all the support and love we’ve received. It means a lot to us!

Here is a quick lean and green I had right before moving. Cottage Cheese (lean) and sauteed zuchini & peppers (green). Also, my babe took me to Mac. Grill last night and treated me to my favorite: grilled salmon! I savored every bite!!

Happy 10-10-10!! Life is GOOD!!


Anonymous said...

You look soooo thin! congratulations--and, again, the fact that you can lose with all of the turmoil going on is amazing! You're my hero.


Karla said...

wow you two look amazing, over 200 pounds lost!! Wow, just wow

ladyofthehouse said...

You look amazing!! Your daughter was right, that shirt looks great on you!!
I think looking at past pictures is a great way to keep us motivated because it shows us what we're doing right.
I can relate to the lies Satan tells us. As I like to say, don't waiste time trying to look through rose colored glasses to make you feel better temporarily. Instead, put on God lenses and see how our maker sees us, then we can be truly free.
You're amazing!!
diane :)

spunkysuzi said...

You guys look awesome!

Christine said...

First off, You look amazing!
Secondly, I so understand the battle of the thoughts...I have been there this past two weeks.

Jennifer said...

Comparison pics are the best way to see your progress(and motivate others!)! Keep em coming!

You look great!


Polar's Mom said...

Yes, you look thin, but I can't get over how much younger and more refreshed you look!

You two are so freaking cute. You guys REALLY should be in a Medifast ad...

Polar's Mom

D said...

Margene you look GREAT in this photo. I know it is hard to stay on track when you are moving and stressed, but you are doing great. Keep up the journey.
PS I just saw that you commented on my blog a while ago. Sorry I forgot to read my own comments, but thanks for checking it out. :)

Julie said...

First off, I'm glad you guys got moved and can start to settle down in your new place. Going back to basic is great and in the end will feel so good but everything takes time.
Second, the sweater looks just plain divine on you. You were a beautiful lady before you lost all this weight now your just plain gorgeous!!
I am so proud of you and your hubby for all that you've been doing to better yourselves, taking care of your family and more.
Take care and God Bless!!

Lesia said...

you ROCK! smile.

Julie said...

Okay, I've stopped by lots again and you're not here. I know that you're beyond busy so that's okay. Just wanted you to know I sure do appreciate you stopping by and your comments. Finally the sun is out here but it's cold and windy. 38* but with the windchil it's 30*. Good thing I've got the woodstove going.
Take care and God Bless!!