Week 39 - What is your focus?

When my first two kids were little, and newly diagnosed with Autism, I learned rather quickly at the IEP meetings that focussing on all that my kids could do did NOT help get them the services they needed. At first, it can be so traumatic to just have a special needs child that when the IEP team members share glowing reports, parents might feel a sense of elation and even relaxation in really pursuing or worrying about their education. “It’s not so bad”, is how you start to feel. But as I hooked up with other parents, I learned how to advocate and to focus on my kids deficits and “attack” those areas during the short window we had while they were little. So that’s what I did. I learned to almost ignore all the “glowing reports” and keep reiterating the huge problem areas that my kids needed improvement on. I didn’t want to limit their future or potential. Studies had shown that beefy early intervention can make a huge difference.

I remember one time being told at an IEP meeting where they disagreed with me in holding my son back a grade due to him not having enough support and doing poorly, “You cannot expect a cure, Margene”. It was very upsetting for me to hear this because it made me realize that I see my child differently than they did. They did not expect him to do well, so they didn’t really want to invest in him. Who knows if he could be cured? They certainly didn’t. He was just another disabled child they had to budget services for and they tried to keep that budget as low as possible. [I am not discounting the many wonderful teachers my kids have had - that I know truly do care about each child they teach]

Thankfully, the Lord blessed my kids and they have come so far - nothing short of a miracle really! (That is a whole other post!) No cure yet they are independent and very gentle hearted souls. As they have gotten older, I have had to change my perspective. All these years, my focus was on their weaknesses, so that I could advocate for them. But in the last few years, that is not a good tactic anymore. Now is the time to focus on all they CAN do and build on that. And it is so hard to consistently make that change after 10+ years of dealing with the schools. Yet that is what my kids need now.

I think I’ve taken that perspective with me in to my weight loss. I needed to “attack” the weaknesses in myself - the weight, the bad habits, the bad food choices, etc. That has been my focus. It has worked for me. In having some success after all these years, I have been driven to eradicate it all. But it doesn’t quite work as smoothly as I’d like.

This last week my weight did not go down but stayed the same (and the hubs too). I only count my weigh-ins on Saturday mornings although I do weigh myself at other times and it fluctuates up and down from day to day but usually by Saturday morning I am always at my lowest. I have never had a weight gain since starting this program in February. Sometimes I’ve wondered if anyone reading about our journey is just waiting to see me or the hubs have a weight gain so they can say “Ahh Ha!!!” and cackle. Isn’t that awful that I suspect that? Maybe it’s my self-couscous inside just thinking that this is all too good to be true.

This week, I’ve actually been feeling a little deprived! I’ve been feeling like I’m missing out on things - fun social things that involve food. And today, we came home from church and had a family size Stouffers meat & cheese lasagna with Texas Toast garlic bread all ready for the kids. It smelled SO good and I really wanted to make myself a big ol’ plate with 2 pieces of that bread and scarf it down with my kids. And I could. No one would have stopped me. But if I did, the disappointment later would have engulfed me - not to mention that I’m sure I would gain weight over that one meal! I take things a lot more to heart than my hubs so when I mess up, it can really bring me down big time. Maybe that’s why he can snitch off plan here and there and be okay with it. But if I let a crack in the door open - it could lead me all the way down the path back to obesity and I don’t ever want to go there. I’ve been there and it SUCKS! Although I try not to be, I am kind of an “all or nothing” person!

So I need to learn to be happy with how far I’ve come and not intensify what I have left to lose. And, if I am to reach my goal, I need to BEEF UP my PHYSICAL ACTIVITY. Believe it or not, I’ve lost all this weight so far without a consistent exercise plan! I’ve been more active and exercised here and there - but when I go into transition and maintenance, I KNOW I need to be way more active to maintain my weight. And I want to. I have so much I want to do. I just hate doing stuff alone! I want to do it with my hubby or a friend. That would motivate me.

So even though this week, I have totally failed at the November Challenge I agreed to do, and I haven’t lost any weight, and I haven’t been as strict with my eating, and I haven’t made myself be active... I am trying to focus on the positive, while still eradicating my bad habits!! Having good intentions is one thing that does NOT help you lose weight!! I hope all my blogger friends are staying strong and positive!! Never give up!! Life is GOOD!