Never Been Like This

I just have to say that I have NEVER BEEN This BUSY in my ENTIRE LIFE!!!

Is that a good thing?  Well, MOST of what I'm busy with is family or church service related so I guess it's a good thing.  It's exhausting!  But in many ways I LOVE it!  I love meeting people and being an influence for good and positive change where I can be.

This month was my birthday!  I turned 44!  Dang, that sounds SOO much older than I feel.  But I focused on the number FOUR and had a celebration with FOUR of us (me and 3 pals), and we went and had a FABULOUS hike up to Stewart falls!  It was pretty easy, only an hour each way and the waterfall was incredible!  The path was mostly shaded and not crowded at all.  We ate some snacks at the falls and enjoyed the wonderful views.

It was a beautiful day too!  Then we came back to a meal that I was craving:  Sweet Pork Nacho's and fresh fruit!  Yes, I was saving my calories for such a wonderful birthday meal.  I got the sweet pork from Costa Vida and my daughter had it all ready for us by the time we got back.

 Then we each wore FOUR crazy items:  fake arm tattoo, fake mustache, fake ring, and fake hair extension.  We were set up for lots of laffing and playing games.  We played one of my favorites:  Spoons, and also White Lies, Farkle, and Scum.  It was fun just to be zany!

We ended with banana splits choosing from FOUR different kinds of ice cream and FOUR different kinds of toppings.  It was pretty EPIC!  I feel so thankful to have friends I can celebrate with.  It wasn't an exclusive party by any means... I would love to have had a ton of friends over... but just felt I'd stick to a small number  this time and focus on FOUR.  (I wasn't up to hosting a large group this time, but anther time - yes!)

It was ONE YEAR ago on my birthday that we PULLED our moving Truck and loaded down GMC into our new house and neighborhood here.  We didn't know a single soul here!  We arrived completely broke!  We were packed so tight, we had left a bit of our furniture and items because they just didn't fit.  So now it's been a full year and I actually have awesome friends and neighbors to celebrate with!!  Brent was so nice to let me have this day. :)

Right now my life is FULL of Girls Camp Planning and work (we go next week), Relief Society Planning & all that contains, Family errands & needs, Computer Work, Late nights.... AND.... BASKETBALL.  Seriously, that's the ONE THING I just do for myself.  I try to get a run in when I can too.  It is SO fun to play basketball with the ladies here.  We have so much fun and are so comfortable with each other yet play aggressively - and my daughter joins us most of the time which I absolutely LOVE.  

There are big trials, some drama, hurt feelings, issues that crop up and things that bring me down... and I will say that  my life is also quite HARD and downright more CHALLENGING than ever right now.

BUT, my life is also SOOOO GOOOOD!

I think because I do struggle with certain things,
it makes the good times and blessings SOOO much sweeter to me!

And I know I can do hard things.
And so can YOU!

Much Love and Warmest Wishes to you!!

XoxoXO ~Margene

I'm a Hobbler Halfer!!

Today was the HOBBLER HALF Marathon.... or should I say yesterday since it's after midnight.  TODAY (or yesterday) will go down in Margene History Forever!!

It started two nights ago when I went with my running buddy to her sisters house to stay the night so we could have an early start to our race.  We had picked up our race bag and shirts and came back and played games and watched an episode of "The Office" where they do a Fun Run - so funny.  I had all my stuff layed out and ready to go.  I had Joy's rock she gave me "Because of you... I can do hard things" and kept it in my pocket the whole time.  

Then we went to bed and got up at 3:45am to head out by 4am to get the shuttle by 4:30am to take us up into the canyon to the starting line.

4am - heading out to catch the shuttle to the starting line

I originally was very nervous but became less so as it got closer.  Then we started and the race began at 6:30am.  It didn't take long for me to feel overwhelmed at how long we were really going to run.  You know, those mind games!!  We started at a faster pace but I had to slow it down so I could last.  But we visited like we normally do on our runs and had the AMAZING scenery of the canyon, plus the sun wasn't even on us yet.

It was mostly downhill with some uphills here and there.  And to be honest, I was getting some good aches and pains which tempted me to walk - but I didn't give in.  Around the 10 mile mark, I suddenly saw my GIRLS and HUSBAND on the road CHEERING ME ON!!  My girls were holding up a sign that said "Go Mom" "We love you".  It really gave me the boost I needed.  I was so surprised and happy to see them and so was my buddy!!

Those last 3 miles were the most challenging for me and also the most meaningful!  I thought about my parents and the thought came specifically to my mind about how proud my mom would be of me.  I thought of the things my mother struggled with and how she might feel watching me run.  It brought tears to my eyes.  I felt SO THANKFUL that I COULD run!  I will never forget how I used to feel and how grateful I am for how the Lord has blessed me.  I felt thankful for my family and thankful for my running buddy who has become a dear friend.  We ran for a mile or so in silence and I then hit play on my Ipod and "I'm Coming Out" by Diana Ross began playing.  That was the song that took me into the finish line!  We ran it in 2 hours and 46 minutes.  BOOYA!!

My hubs and girls were there to greet us and it was an amazing feeling to realize that I ran that without stopping!  It was pretty surreal feeling.  We got to enjoy a free breakfast from Magelby's right there and also a Free Massage.... which felt SO good for my aching calves.

Now I am tired beyond words... I really need to get better sleep at night and I still have a lot of goals and things I need and want to be doing.  But it does feel wonderful to have accomplished this!  Brent gave me the biggest hug and it feels good to have him feel so proud of me.  He more than anyone knows where I have come from and he's loved me through everything.  I feel so thankful for a supportive and loving husband!  And now I must go to bed.  God bless you in your pursuits! 

Never give up!  

Life is GOOOOD. 

XOXoxoXo ~Margene

June Update

Hey friends! 

Happy June already.  Dang!!!  Where does the time go?  It would take a super LOOOONG post to update everything that I would really like to, and no one wants to really sit through that... so maybe I can do a FAST run through.

1. I went to my parents grave on Memorial day with my daughters and sister .(first time since I've lived in Utah).  It was SO nice.  Here I am with my sista!

2. The wind decided that we needed to collect tumbleweeds... which are exotic here in Utah!  They actually filled our porch and we had to kick them away just to get out of our house!

3. My daughter marched and played flute in her first parade - pretty sweet!

4. I was called as Relief Society President in my church (apparently, they don't realize how immature I am) which requires a lot of time - but I'm excited to serve.

5. Our dog had TWO puppies.  They are SOOO cute.  They just opened their eyes last week.  Miniature Dachshunds.

6. Three nephews have gotten married this month!  One in Oregon, One here, and one in Texas!

7. My brother who's lived in Texas for 12 years is moving here to Utah and will be fairly close to us now!!!

8. I've continued to run 2-3 times a week... up to 8 and then a new record 9.4 miles!  My half marathon is in less than TWO weeks (July 7th).  Booya!!!

9. My oldest son FINALLY got a job!!!!  He really needed that and we're so thankful!

10. I survived a FIRE on the mountain just a couple miles from our home - just last week! (and didn't have to evacuate).  Huge blessing... and it was quite an amazing display at night!


That about sums it up.  I have a terrific running buddy, and there is a group of us who play basketball 3 times a week.  SOOO fun!  I also still get to go to girls camp next month with all the young women in our church which is cool.  Life is good... it's just so crazy busy. 

I have had some amazing ups and some devastating downs just in the last few short weeks.  I am thankful to be busy and needed here in Utah... and I still do miss my friends in Oregon and think of them SOO often, but I'm thankful for the family I have here.  One of my brothers came through town and while he was here all the other siblings here joined for get together at my house... five of the seven of us!  So cool!!

My friend, Joy from Nuggets of Truth in Oregon, sent me a WONDERFUL surprise box with some goodies from the Hippie Chick half marathon that I was supposed to have run.  She sent me a card, hat, sunglasses, lotion AND a rock for me too that says "Because of you... I can do hard things"  That really made my day and gave me a boost I needed.  Thanks so much Joy!!  How wicked cool is that!!? I wore my NEW HAT on my record 9.4 mile run too!!!  Because I can do hard things!!!!

 

Life is GOOD

~Margene

 

Dance Dare #3 - My Mother's Day Weekend

Hey Super Cool People in Blogland!

So the other weekend WOULD HAVE been the weekend of my first Half Marathon - taken place in Oregon... HOWEVER (those following my blog know what happened), instead we went on an AWESOME family camping trip.

It was SOOO needed and SOOO nice.  We procured a used tent trailer and headed out.  I was NOT going to feel sorry for myself and waste the weekend.  I don't know about other mom's out there, but often Mother's Day is hard for mom's.  Especially since losing my own mother so long ago - it's often been a hard holiday.  But I've learned that if I don't like something in my life, that I can CHANGE it.  I am thankful to BE a mother of four amazing kiddos!

We were able take some of our bikes and we camped by a beautiful lake.  My daughter and I climbed the nearby mountain for an amazing full vista view of the area.  The rocks were different shades of orange and brown making the area so vibrant.  We rode our bikes around the lake through little pathways barely big enough to walk, we paddled boats on the lake, played games in the trailer, celebrated my baby's 12th birthday, played with his Nerf guns throughout the camp, climbed some big trees, and took a ton of fun pictures.

I also wanted to shout out a big THANK YOU to Holly at 300 pounds Down for her kind comments and highlighting me on her blog post!  That was truly touching to me. 

I recently started a gratitude journal and it really helps me be focused every day on the rich blessings of my life.

Life is truly to be celebrated.  

Even when there is tragedy, there is ALWAYS something GOOD to find.

I've been LOVING my new running buddy and we've been getting out 2-3 times a week for 3-6+ mile runs.  I've got girls camp this summer with my girls and the other young women from our church and that's going to be awesome.

And of course MY FIRST HALF-MARATHON in July.  Woo Hoo!  

I hope I can rock it like my friend Joy has!!! :)

I CAN do Hard Things... and SO CAN YOU!

What are you looking forward to this summer?

Today, I put together my third Dance Dare Video for those who may want a giggle at my expense.

LIFE IS GOOD!

Poem Video - Change Your Life?

My daughter wrote a poem that I thought was amazing.

So we made it into a video.

If you watch it, be sure to watch it all the way through.

We had a fun Mother's Day weekend and I have much to share - will blog about it tomorrow.

ENJOY!

~Margene

Beauty is where you LOOK for it

I LOVED living in Oregon.  

The trees and greenery and flowers and beauty are everywhere.  You can see retail stores on one side of the street and a forest on the other!  One of my favorite parks called Rood Bridge Park had a few miles of paved and unpaved trails, tons of trees, creek with a running stream and little bridges, dense forest, open grass, pavilion, and playground.  It was just so cool.  I did a lot of my runs when training for my first 5k at that park.  Great for bike rides, cub scout pack meetings, easter egg hunts, photo shoots, and catching tadpoles in the pond.  I couldn’t imagine leaving such a place.  

One of the houses we lived in was right next to a thicket of 50+ foot tall pine trees.  When our windows were open, the birds and sounds we’d hear made us feel like we lived in the forest.

The view here in Utah is different.  
It’s not as green or lush, and not near as many trees.  

However, the mountains are tall and stellar and stand like sentinel guards surrounding the valleys.  They are breathtakingly gorgeous.  One can peer from one end of the valley clear to the other.  The sky is so blue and so close, it feels like you can reach up and touch it.  And there are rocks.  Carved, chiseled, and enamored with colors; there are so many rocks in every size you can imagine.

We live on the edge of our own little frontier.  There are paved roads that end in dirt roads.  There are two wheeled trails that turn into a single trail.  There is SO much to explore and I want to explore it all... on foot or on a bike or on an ATV.

So the other day, I got the hubs and my boys to come with me and we traveled down a dirt road we haven’t been down before, next to the mountain in our valley.  We discovered a road that went in a little canyon and behind the mountain that could only be traveled on with a vehicle like our suburban.  At one point I couldn’t help but stop and get out and suggest we climb up part of the rocky mountain to get a view.  

What started out as a  little stroll turned into climbing that whole mountain!  It was rocky and there was a single little trail and for part of it - I even RAN up.  I LOVED the fact that my body could run up a rocky mountain!!  You cannot even tell how high up we really were but it was pretty stoic and surreal.  

 

My 11 year old son kept going and wanting to go higher.  

And we were rewarded with a MAGNIFICENT view of the valley.  It was INCREDIBLE.  

We could see our group of homes like tiny dots off to the far right.

After what seemed like hours we were back down and driving out of the canyon when the cows that were grazing around decided to stand in the road.  This particular calf stood it’s ground with us, staring us down.  I’d move little close, it would back off but but stay in the road.  

Call it courage, or maybe just stupidity... 
but what a curious and questioning little cow!  
I find that beautiful!


I feel like I’m looking at the world through different eyes than I once did.  
I feel like I am experiencing the world.  
I love nature!

Life is Beautiful!  But only when you LOOK for it!

Where do YOU find beauty?

You would NOT have seen me do this 2 years ago!!

Being heavy has held me back SOOOO much over the years - the majority of my adult life!

It's made me fearful of being in front of people, cower to try anything new, shy away from social settings, fail to make significant friendships, push my family away and in general have a negative depressing view of myself and life in general.

Is ice cream, brownies, cookies, and overeating worth all that?

NO WAY!

It's SO DANG FUN to let myself be "ME".

So, being ME, and hearing of the challenge of "Dance Dare's"... I knew I had to do it.  

A Dance Dare is where you dance behind an unsuspecting person or persons without being seen by them - and of course capturing it all on video.  

Ellen Degeneres highlighted many of these on her show, and after watching some of them, I knew I wanted to give it a try.

It was actually quite scary the first time or two.  It's not as easy to do as I was thinking.  But it was WAY FUN.

So if you want to laugh with me or at my expense... here are my first two dance dares!!!  And let me know if YOU do any cuz I'd love to see them too! ;)

ENJOY
(Note - the wise screen effect makes us look bigger than we are!)

Dance Dare #1  (Margene and daughter)




Dance Dare #2 (Margene, friend and daughter)

Color Me RAD

Last Saturday was the Color Me Rad 5k run!  Wow, I think this is going to become a tradition.  My daughter and my friend and I all did this together.  We ran and walked (it was more important to me to share this experience with my ladies than to run it the whole way through which I could have easily done).

All clean and white before the run - holding our color packs.

 It was super fun!!  And my friend's first 5k ever.  She did fantastic!  And I always LOVE having my daughter join me on stuff like this.  I'm such a lucky mom!

Me and my girl - Don't mess with us! ;)

Brent is ROCKIN' the plan and LOST 9 Pounds last week.  

BOOYA to him! 

He's been really making that effort to stick to plan now.  I'm so thankful he's in a place right now to be able to do that.  We are going to run a 5K together in July.  It'll be super sweet!  Love my man.

I think I've turned a corner as far as my "train wreck" situation below.  Making that video "Love Never Fails" was really healing for me and allowed me to express my love to my family and friends - and to feel it as well.  I really appreciate all the comments and encouragement I have received, and especially the prayers in my behalf - thank you!!  Sharon's comment really hit me - and I think she was inspired.  Thanks Sharon!  I've never gone through anything like this before and it really is the most hardest and painful thing -  YET because of where I've come from already and SEEING what the Lord has done for me, I KNOW so much more now WHO I really am and that HE does really love and help me.

I will NOT turn to food for comfort.

I will NOT berate myself.

I WILL look for my blessings EVERY DAY.

I WILL adopt and ATTITUDE of GRATITUDE.  :)

Grateful people are Happy People!

(It's funny how my blog becomes my own pep talk!)  

Whatever you are facing... FACE it with FAITH and COURAGE!

Life is GOOOOOOOD!!

~Margene XoXoxOxO

I gave in!

I've been keeping busy and keeping myself occupied. 

But These last two days I hit a wall.  And I gave in. 

  

I didn't give in to any junk food or off-plan food, actually my appetite is not there much. 

  

I submitted to my heartache and sorrow from my recent train wreck.  It's been two days full of raw emotion.  God knows all the effort and changes in my life I've made to do and be a better person and how I have been putting the feelings of others ahead of my own.  He knows!!  

So why do I have to be blindsided (again) from someone so dear to me?  It was aimed purposely at my weakest spot.  I honestly cannot think of a single thing I have done that was mean, out of line, offensive, overdone, smothering, or wrong.  How can someone throw a true friend away?  Aren't friendships worth fixing?  I am treated like I am an enemy.   Like there is nothing good about me to warrant any kind of contact with me.

Yet, it's not even an option for me to be bitter against her because I don't want to go that route.  Maybe I miss a friend that was never really my friend.  I will need Divine help to find peace or healing from this.

As this situation has left me feeling so cold, unwanted and unloved - I've been grasping for the love that my Savior has for me.   I've thought of my parents on the other side of the veil, and how surely they are watching me and would comfort me if they could.  And my own loving husband who has always been there for me, I know he loves me.  I do have people who stand by me and haven't just walked away.  

I've been listening to a song called "Love Never Fails" by Mercy River.  This song seems to speak in music, what my heart feels.  I know that Love is what really matters. Love is what will come through in the end.  I want to fill my heart with love, not with sorrow.  I feel SO much love, joy, and happiness for each of family and friends - including my blogger friends.

Today, I made a video to this song "Love Never Fails" because I felt like the song could say what my heart cannot.  That I'm CHOOSING the path of love. I'd like to share that video in this post - I think it's worth watching.  I've dedicated it to my parents, my family, and all my friends!

I want to live with NO REGRETS. 

I want to live my life showing my love to others.  

I always regretting not showing my love to my mother and then she passed away.  And that didn't hurt her as much as it has hurt me.  With-holding our love from others really hurts US in the end.
  

So, NO REGRETS.   

Forgive those that hurt me.   

Forgive myself.
Move on.

Life is GOOD

~Margene

Hard Lessons - Sweet Rewards

Hello friends!

I have been avoiding posting recently as I have been wanting to get myself in a better place emotionally.  I’m not doing terribly bad or anything but I have been struggling over the train wreck situation I mentioned in my previous post and I really don’t want all my posts to detail my heartache over this.  The level of rejection and efforts she's gone through to eradicate me from her life is astounding.  Needless to say, it’s been one of my most painful experiences.  I will be mourning this loss of my friend for some time. BUT, I am moving on and there are many wonderful things in my path. 

My husband is also finally ready to begin again so he can FINISH his weight loss journey.  Stress and anxiety has been his biggest hurdle and he’s at a place now where he feels he can focus on getting the rest of his weight off.  So I am right there with him and we’re going to DO THIS!!

I have also been totally LOVING the indoor rock climbing!  Wow, it’s SOOO fun!  Brent came the other day and watched me and my daughter climb.  It was fun to have him watch me and of course, I wanted to climb the harder walls to show him what I could do. 

 The first wall I climbed to show Brent - I am on the left side

On to more walls...

 These walls are 35 feet tall.

left pic - I am at the top!! 

right pic - I love the challenge tackling an angle

 Reaching the top every time is awesome!

My hands get all red and blistered after 2 hours of climbing! 

I wanted to amaze him and think I did.  I did actually fall for the first time (but my daughter was belaying me so I didn’t really fall down) but I was on a wall that was at a VERY STEEP angle and I jumped for a new hand hold and missed it and went swinging off the wall.  My heart almost leaped out of my chest as I haven’t done that before.  It was a thrilling scare though. When you do jump for that hand hold and actually get it, it’s such an adrenaline rush to actually DO IT!  At least for me.

And - even tho I am very bummed NOT to go to Oregon and run my first 1/2 marathon.... I have taken the advice to find one here and still run one.  

SOOOO, I signed up for a half marathon here in UTAH!!

I won’t be stopped from my goals!  And my running buddy is gonna run it with me.  It'll be in July.  Very cool.  PLUS - Brent wants us to do a 5K together this summer so he has something to train for.  That is cool.  I haven’t run with my hubs at all yet!  Can’t wait for that.  I also hope to do some biking this summer.

THIS saturday, my daughter and I are running a COLOR RUN 5k called Color Me Rad.  We will get blasted with colors at certain points during the run.  It will be so fun and memorable.  

So, even with a painful heartbreak, I can move on, I can seek those who do value me and my friendship, and I can forgive and let things go.  For me, I’m wanting to balance my FAITH in the future and what God can do, with ACCEPTANCE for how things are now.  And with that faith, I have to realize that everyone has their free agency to make their own choices.  And I have my free agency to CHOOSE to see the BEST in myself and others.

Hard, Hard, Hard lessons!!  

But Sweet, Sweet, Sweet rewards.  

LIFE IS GOOD!

XooXoxo ~Margene

Times that HIT you like a TRAIN...

There are certain times in your life that hit you so strong that you feel like a train ran over you.  Times that can feel so overwhelming and are so painful, you can’t imagine how you will get through it.  It may seem like too much to bear.  Your mind can’t comprehend or wrap around why or what is the purpose or how could you have prevented it.

We will all have these times, maybe even MANY of these times in our lives.  

And it’s not so much WHAT it is, but HOW we handle it.  (or so we’re told :)

I had one of these times this week.

A friend who I’ve known for many years and who is most dear to me, ended her friendship with me in a very unkind way and giving me no opportunity to respond.  She has been a huge part of my life and my journey.  She was that friend I found after years of prayers.  My heart is so broken.  I have worked to make sense of this and it just boggles my mind.  I have been turning to my Heavenly Father in much prayer.  

Although my head has been swimming with all the repercussions this brings and how it will affect me and my family and everything that will be different now - as this friend was like a sister to me and we all love her family as well, I see myself tempted to slip under and allow myself to go back into that negative thinking, self loathing, and into that depressing exclusion from life.  It would be so easy to stay in my room all day crying...

Yet I know I can’t do that.  I don’t want to do that.  I refuse to be a victim here.

I do love deeply and sincerely and I am a fiercely loyal friend and I have to allow myself to feel this pain - and then find a way to give it to my Savior and move on.  I have to accept that all the questions I have will have to wait.  

That ONE DAY it will make sense and 

things will be made right. 

I have to trust HIM.  HE knows my heart.  

HE knows my worth.

I have to believe that this 

is NOT a reflection on me and my worth!  

I truly have been a good, kind, loving and forgiving friend.  

I’m not perfect, but I am WORTH KEEPING.  

I did not deserve this.

It is humbling and painful to see that my friend really saw me more of an obligation and burden.  

She did not really see me for who I am or value me or my friendship.

And I can forgive her.  

That’s what friends do, right?   

A true friend will forgive and love even when it’s not returned.  

A true friend loveth at all times.  

A true friend would not turn bitter.  

And that’s what I want to be more than ever.  

That true friend.  

But it hurts soooo bad!  My heart was so invested. 

So some of my plans have been thrown off.  A big part of my connection to Oregon has just been severed.  I am no longer running the 1/2 marathon next month as I was going there to run it with her and she does not want to see me. :( 

EVERYTHING is changed now.  

I guess this is God’s way of giving me a NEW DIRECTION.  It’s a very painful way, but HE loves me and I have to believe that where one door is closed - a new door will be opened.  I have an incredible husband and family who love and appreciate me and they mean everything to me.  

The worth of every soul is great.  We don’t always treat each other or even ourselves as if we are of great worth, but we are!  I hope I can do better at treating everyone like Jesus would.

And now on to things I’m Thankful For:

FIRST:

I finally have a running buddy!!  Yay!  We’ve gone out 3 times now and seem to increase our time with each run!  We have really good visits too which makes running so much more fun!  This is an answer to my prayers!  This really helps me to keep going out running!

SECOND: 

We had a lovely Easter Sunday.  We had a beatiful singing program at church and I was part of our church choir.  This is the first time I’ve done that as I’m not that great of a singer but I loved the experience.  The music was unbelievable and beautiful!  My daughter sang too, and on one song she played her flute.  She did awesome.  Then we had some fun friends over for sunday dinner and games.  Good Times!  And - I avoided Easter Candy!!!  

THIRD:

It is Spring Break here and so my kids have been home with me and it’s been fun.  It’s actually really good for me to have them here so I am not alone!!  Yesterday, my daughter and I went INDOOR ROCK CLIMBING!  I’ve been wanting to do that forever since I first tried a little wall after reaching my goal weight.  We used a groupon and we have unlimited visits for two weeks!  So we’ll be going back.  Good Times!  (Note to self... do not wear jeans next time!)

Even during the deepest trials of life, we know inside that it is all good, and we can overcome anything by turning to HIM who loves us and is there to help us, always!  This is my anchor right now. 

LIFE IS GOOD!

~Margene