Our Quest to change our lives began in Feb. 2010 and we lost 224 lbs. This is the story of our continuing Journey through the ups and downs of maintenance.
(For the fullest effect, begin at the beginning in Feb. 2010 using our Blog Archive on sidebar)

Saturday, January 26, 2013

EXTREME THINKING and TOXIC PEOPLE


~ I believe this is one of my most important posts ~

I am learning so much about how our journey changes as it goes.
I started this blog to show myself that this time I believed that I could make the changes I wanted to.  

But not only has it been a journey of dropping the number on the scale, but more importantly, for me, it's been the changing of the way I perceive my life and handle life's challenges.  For the first time, I truly believed I could move a mountain in my life.  And with the Lord's help, I did.  My chains are gone, I have been set free!!

I reached my weight loss goal almost a year and a half ago.  My life is completely different today.
Those who know me and have seen me (then and now), can see and feel a difference in me in so many ways, not just physically!  Soon after reaching goal, both Brent and my doctor felt that my goal weight was too low for me.  I settled into a weight about 15 pounds higher than my goal.  Since then, I have worked to find a balance with how I eat and exercise to maintain my goals.  I have admitted that I've gained weight and wanted to shed some pounds.  Yet I have maintained the majority of my weight loss since I reached goal.  Although now, I do not emphasize the number on the scale, because I have the tendency to become too obsessed with that number and then my focus gets off balance.  

Maintenance is about moderation and BALANCE for me.  My blog has changed along with my journey.  I now blog more about what I am learning not only physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually as well.    
Here on my blog, readers have complete access to all 58 weeks of my journey in phase 1 of TSFL.  I have a wealth of information of what I went through and what meals I made for my lean and greens and so forth.  And hopefully those in maintenance can find some helpful things from what I am going through now.  Or just follow along for the ride!

I have unfortunately, joined the ranks of some of the finest weight-loss bloggers I know who have had very cruel judgments pointed against them by certain readers.   

I have put my story out in a public blog to be helpful for some, and sometimes that means being criticized by others.   But when my family is attacked, that is crossing the line with me.    

Some people in your life can be Toxic to your overall health. 

It is OKAY to set boundaries for yourself. 

It doesn't mean that a person is bad; 

it means that you need to set a "fence" 

for your own safety and that of your family.

The fact is, most people do not get overweight or obese being emotionally healthy!  
Usually, there are even bigger issues with our emotional health than with our physical health.
Our inside thoughts eventually get manifest by our outward appearance.
This comes through with what we think, turning into what we feel,
turning into how we act and the choices we make.  

Life is NOT black or white. 

People are NOT black or white. 

Extreme thinking is NOT healthy thinking. 

I myself struggled with severe self-loathing.  I thought in the extreme.
Everything that someone said that was remotely negative was seen by me as extremely negative
 and added to my extreme thinking of what a horrible person I was.
It sounds absurd, and it is absurd, but it is a REAL struggle
when you are trapped in this way of thinking.
For me, it's been like climbing out of a deep muddy pit.

It requires one to make NEW PATHWAYS of thought.  

It requires one to HANDLE SITUATIONS differently.  

For me, it's been a lot about trusting in God more.  
It is hard work to change the way you think!
I have come a LONG way. (Just ask my hubs!)
 I don’t handle things the same way I did a few years ago.  

I have learned and I'm still learning: 
* To not get offended so easily. 
* To give the benefit of the doubt more. 

I notice that many people, who judge harsh, 
do so while they remain in their "safe" area 
(not having revealed their own vulnerabilities), 
where those they judge are out in the open.

The problem with our extreme perceptions of people is that eventually we will be disappointed.
And if we don't realize that it was our own PERCEPTION,
we may in fact BLAME the person for our disappointment
instead of acknowledging our own mistake. 

When we have no stewardship over someone (like being their parent)
yet we feel we are in a position to judge someone
and tell them what we think they "need to hear",
(especially when we have such little knowledge of their lives
or haven't even met them in person),
we are inappropriately putting ourselves in a position of too much power.  

We are not here to judge each other

We are ALL in this TOGETHER!  

We need to SUPPORT each other!  

We need to be each other's CHEERLEADERS!  

I think we all are doing the best with what we have.
I am thankful that I have a new lease on life! 
I can run!
I can rock climb!
I can play basketball!
I am 10+ years older than all the ladies I play with,
but I have a lot of lost time to make up for!
And even though I've damaged my knees from all those years of obesity,
right now I can still use them, and I'm so thankful for that.
My planters fasciitis is gone now!
I sleep SOOO much better than I ever did. 

If I have offended anyone who read this blog or this post, I sincerely apologize.
If my blog or story doesn't relate to you --
find blogs or books or whatever it is you need that does motivate you --
and then go for it!
Life is TOO SHORT to wait any longer!
Life is TOO SHORT to worry about what others are doing.
Make YOUR life worth LIVING!

That is all.  Peace out!
~Margene

5 comments:

affectionforfitness said...

Hi Margene! You're right, this is a really great post.

When I tried to lose weight, I thought I needed mindful eating, but I soon realized it was mindful living that was it. Mindful living, where life means *so much more!!!* than the food shoved in the mouth. As soon as living is put in its proper perspective, then the eating falls (lower) into place.

Ignore the rude people. I think rude comments are some back-handed form of compliment. You're saying something that irritates them, meaning that you affect them more than they'd care to admit.

You have a lovely family, and you are lovely too. If people have a problem with that, I just don't get it. :D

:-) Marion

Karen said...

Boundary setting is a very important skill. If you have not learned that skill as a kid or adult, a good counselor can teach you at any age. Very valuable.

Good luck on your next phase. Lots of work in maintenance. The learning is never over.

Oh, and don't give that person an explanation or a platform that you did here in this post- IMO.

It's what they want- they seek this from you. Draw a circle around them and don't go in there.

That person will not change- but you have changed and and it is good.

Take care. Karen P

Karla said...

Long time blogger here, 3 plus years now, but I am so careful... It is a boring blog. No in depth personal pouring out of feelings. I have seen too much ugliness out there in blog land to trust. Sad

I soo get you!! Toxic people are everywhere.... Why? I often wonder, what is in it for them? Do I comment? ..... Hardly ever, it just opens up the lines of war and sinks me to their level

I blog JUST to hold me accountable, and in a tiny way maybe to let someone know, it is possible ..... Hard, agonizing, but yes possible

Sisters in blog land ((((((hugs)))))))

Christine said...

fantastic. For me it was nearly all mental and the physical followed. It's nearly impossible to offend me..so there you have it. Some people get offended on a whim. I blog for me and appreciate when people blog for themselves. Those are the people I follow. That's why I follow you.

gracies tough journey said...

You could never offend me. You have made such a difference in me as a person. Because of you, I try to be a better person. You have such a kind heart and soul. Ignore the haters as they usually hate themselves also. God Bless you and your family. Gracie