Fear is selfish. It's so tragic how fear destroys the ones who nourish it in their hearts and souls. Then they let their fears feed on their relationships. All blanketed by a delusional white flag of victimization and martyrdom hoping to avoid accountability and escape the pain of personal power in their own lives; desperately attempting to secure sympathy, safety and love for themselves.
I can see myself a lot in this quote and have tried to see where I am letting fear guide my thoughts and behaviors at times more than taking my own personal power over my life!
That first line about fear being selfish is so true. There is nothing uplifting to another person when you live in fear. Not only that, but your fears drain the people around you as they try to help your fears. And it turns you into a victim and deny's you of your own personal power.
I am tired of living in fear. Fear of LOSING something or someone. Fear of being FORGOTTEN. Fear of gaining my weight back. Fear Stinks!
I no longer want to "escape the pain of personal power".
Lately, I've been struggling with something that brings me either a lot of joy or a lot of anguish. I've been on the more anguishing side of this dilemma. In all my thoughts and analyzing, I have come to the conclusion that however it plays out - it will be painful for me. There is no way to escape.
But wait. I have personal power. That often comes with pain but IN THE LONG RUN - (aka in God's view) it is better for us. There is JOY. God wants us to feel joy!
I'm so tired of feeling helpless. I am tired of begin afraid and allowing myself to feel like a victim. I have power! I can do all things through Christ! I am NOT a victim!
During family scripture study the other day, we were reading in the Book of Mormon, and in 2nd Nephi 26:13 it reads: "And that he manifesteth himself unto all those who believe in him, by the power of the Holy Ghost; yea, unto every nation, kindred, tongue, and people, working mighty miracles, signs, and wonders, among the children of men according to their faith."
The part that stuck out to me and pierced me while we read was those LAST 4 WORD. "according to their faith" - I know this is true - but I realized that that is what I was lacking in my own current dilemma... Faith! Faith in myself, and Faith in my Savior, and Faith in what I believe to be true. God can only help me according to MY FAITH. If I am doubting, I am not giving Him the power in my life to work miracles! And Hasn't the Lord ALREADY given me miracles? Hasn't He already proven Himself? My Life is a miracle! I have a new life. How can my faith dwindle so quickly?
It helped refocus me... AWAY from FEAR. Because we cannot have FEAR and FAITH at the same time! If we want to eradicate fear from our lives, then we work on building our faith, our belief in what is really true! That's where I'm at today.
So I'm back to running here in Utah. I'm trying to add in some sprinting during my runs to help me build up my pace. Right now, I've got a slow and steady pace.
And playing basketball. The hubs and I got an outside basketball hoop which is AWESOME to have! AND - our church women's team is playing at REGIONAL now. We won our first game last friday 52-18. It was so fun! Afterwards, Brent asked me how many points I thought I scored. I'm not a big scorer as my skill is more on defense, but I knew I scored some so I guess 6 points. Then he told me I scored 16 points! BOOYA! He said I'm good at assists and that there were people around him commenting on my ball handling. Wow, positive things said about me! It was an awesome feeling!
|I am 3rd from the left in pink - Awesome team of ladies!!|
My one year of High School basketball was spent in total self-concious anxiety and wanting to quit the whole season as I didn't seem to blend in with the team or have any friends on the team. I never played after my freshman year. So NOW I am making up for it and just having fun. Feels good to get beyond that horrible first year of HS basketball. Now I love it and I'm finally making it a better experience! Only took me 30 years!
This Friday is our next game, and if we win - we play again right after - and right after if we win that. This next team we play I hear will be harder so I am feeling a bit of anxiety but it's also so fun to even be playing! I'm glad I am playing and showing my kids that it's fun to be active. I don't recall my mom doing any sports... she was always too tired. Hoping to change that trend in my family.
Life is GOOD!
Hang in there my friends who are struggling
and work on building your FAITH and not your FEAR.