Our Quest to change our lives began in Feb. 2010 and we lost 224 lbs. This is the story of our continuing Journey through the ups and downs of maintenance.
(For the fullest effect, begin at the beginning in Feb. 2010 using our Blog Archive on sidebar)

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

What FEAR can do

My niece posted this on Facebook and it really made me think:

Fear is selfish. It's so tragic how fear destroys the ones who nourish it in their hearts and souls. Then they let their fears feed on their relationships. All blanketed by a delusional white flag of victimization and martyrdom hoping to avoid accountability and escape the pain of personal power in their own lives; desperately attempting to secure sympathy, safety and love for themselves.

I can see myself a lot in this quote and have tried to see where I am letting fear guide my thoughts and behaviors at times more than taking my own personal power over my life!

That first line about fear being selfish is so true.  There is nothing uplifting to another person when you live in fear.  Not only that, but your fears drain the people around you as they try to help your fears.  And it turns you into a victim and deny's you of your own personal power.

I am tired of living in fear.  Fear of LOSING something or someone.  Fear of being FORGOTTEN.  Fear of gaining my weight back.  Fear Stinks!

I no longer want to "escape the pain of personal power".

Lately, I've been struggling with something that brings me either a lot of joy or a lot of anguish.  I've been on the more anguishing side of this dilemma.  In all my thoughts and analyzing, I have come to the conclusion that however it plays out - it will be painful for me.  There is no way to escape.

But wait.  I have personal power.  That often comes with pain but IN THE LONG RUN - (aka in God's view) it is better for us.  There is JOY.  God wants us to feel joy!

I'm so tired of feeling helpless.  I am tired of begin afraid and allowing myself to feel like a victim.  I have power!  I can do all things through Christ!  I am NOT a victim!

During family scripture study the other day, we were reading in the Book of Mormon, and in 2nd Nephi 26:13 it reads:  "And that he manifesteth himself unto all those who believe in him, by the power of the Holy Ghost; yea, unto every nation, kindred, tongue, and people, working mighty miracles, signs, and wonders, among the children of men according to their faith."

The part that stuck out to me and pierced me while we read was those LAST 4 WORD.  "according to their faith" - I know this is true - but I realized that that is what I was lacking in my own current dilemma... Faith!  Faith in myself, and Faith in my Savior, and Faith in what I believe to be true.  God can only help me according to MY FAITH.  If I am doubting, I am not giving Him the power in my life to work miracles!  And Hasn't the Lord ALREADY given me miracles?  Hasn't He already proven Himself?  My Life is a miracle!  I have a new life.  How can my faith dwindle so quickly?

It helped refocus me... AWAY from FEAR.  Because we cannot have FEAR and FAITH at the same time!  If we want to eradicate fear from our lives, then we work on building our faith, our belief in what is really true!  That's where I'm at today.

So I'm back to running here in Utah.  I'm trying to add in some sprinting during my runs to help me build up my pace.  Right now, I've got a slow and steady pace.

And playing basketball.  The hubs and I got an outside basketball hoop which is AWESOME to have!  AND - our church women's team is playing at REGIONAL now.  We won our first game last friday 52-18.  It was so fun!  Afterwards, Brent asked me how many points I thought I scored.  I'm not a big scorer as my skill is more on defense, but I knew I scored some so I guess 6 points.  Then he told me I scored 16 points!  BOOYA!  He said I'm good at assists and that there were people around him commenting on my ball handling.  Wow, positive things said about me!  It was an awesome feeling!
I am 3rd from the left in pink - Awesome team of ladies!!

My one year of High School basketball was spent in total self-concious anxiety and wanting to quit the whole season as I didn't seem to blend in with the team or have any friends on the team.  I never played after my freshman year.  So NOW I am making up for it and just having fun.  Feels good to get beyond that horrible first year of HS basketball.  Now I love it and I'm finally making it a better experience!   Only took me 30 years!

This Friday is our next game, and if we win - we play again right after - and right after if we win that.  This next team we play I hear will be harder so I am feeling a bit of anxiety but it's also so fun to even be playing!  I'm glad I am playing and showing my kids that it's fun to be active.  I don't recall my mom doing any sports... she was always too tired.  Hoping to change that trend in my family.

Life is GOOD!  
Hang in there my friends who are struggling 
and work on building your FAITH and not your FEAR. 
 xoXoxoX ~Margene


Holly from 300 Pounds Down said...

Wow so much good stuff here. You are so right about fear and how it steals from us . And seeking from God the strength we need. I love that you are showing your kids that it's fun to be active and doing sports. What a great example you are to me!

Kimberlynn said...

I've definately been dealing with fear over these past few months...but I'm finally facing my fears and placing them in God's hands because I know He can handle my fears a whole lot better than I can.

Thanks for the great post...you're wonderful Margene!

Bring Pretty Back said...

Margene , I have had alot of fear lately with some major changes in my life .This was so great to hear .
I just can NOT seem to get my weight & eating under control!
I needed a little Margene inspiration!
Hugs & Have a PRETTY day!

Joy said...

My dear Friend, Doer of hard things....you WILL overcome this fear, because girl, you've got stuff to do and you just can't be held back any longer!! You are helping shape and mold lives, you impart wisdom and love to others and you've got a huge and generous heart ~ All the right stuff to make a huge impact on this world. Keep going forward and STAY FOCUSED!!!

Christine said...

That is something I wrote about tonight...fear and self abuse and how it cripples a person. Good post. Fear is from satan. Perfect love casts out fear. God is perect love. Faith is the answer. Awesome.

E. Jane said...

Fear is such as negative force in our lives. It makes us behave and act in ways that remove us from our true selves. This is a very relevant post!