Our Quest to change our lives began in Feb. 2010 and we lost 224 lbs. This is the story of our continuing Journey through the ups and downs of maintenance.
(For the fullest effect, begin at the beginning in Feb. 2010 using our Blog Archive on sidebar)

Monday, April 11, 2011

It finally happened...

I did NOT want to blog about this but I have got to keep it real.  I have had a really crummy weekend!  I think it all came to a head for me... the surgery pain, contention among my kids, missing Brent, feeling lonely, trying to take care of all my responsibilities, feeling forgotten... I caved on Saturday and ate a huge tub of a chicken ramen noodle salad I had made for a RS women's event (calculated at about 1400 calories).  It had craisens and almond slivers in it and was so good.  Earlier at the event, I had already eaten 2 servings plus a thick piece of pumpkin chocolate chip bread.  Then I came home and ate the whole tub of it.  It was emotional eating.  I felt disappointed and forgotten and depleted...  I even thought to myself that I would not blog about this because I was SOOOO disappointment with myself.  Before this cave, I weighed in with a 2 pound gain.  Still in the 130's and I think it's because of all the IV fluid I had during surgery.  As long as my weight stays within the 130's somewhere I feel okay... but I am going to monitor myself like a hawk.

Sunday I was back on plan food wise... but still feeling pretty yucky.  After church, I literally barricaded myself in my room away from my kids.  My daughter had to find her own ride to her meeting... they had to get their own meals... handle their own arguments.  I was done with it.  I was empty.  It was was a low day.  

But today is fresh and I'm wiping my eyes and looking out at the overcast sky.  I am going to count my blessings and pull myself out of this funk, or pray myself out I should say.  There you've got it... the ugly truth about my weekend.  So many people have harder trials than mine.  I just read about a fellow blogger, Michele who's home burned down.  I cannot imagine!  I have nothing to really complain about compared to that!  So many others have huge struggles.  I need to count my blessings.  Life is good!

17 comments:

gracies tough journey said...

Dear friend, I am so sorry you had a bad weekend. Life does send us some ups and downs. I am glad things are looking up for you. I agree with you, we all need to stop and count our blessings as they are there. Sometimes we forget. God Bless and life is good!

spunkysuzi said...

It was bad but it's over and done with! Today is a new day and it's looking good :)

Absolutely, Positively Josie said...

Here's praying that God sustains you and supplies your wants and needs.

Not mine own will, but Thine be done!

Lori said...

Girlfriend,
It happens to all of us. Please don't waste any more time being upset with yourself. You've been through a lot and fell back in to an old familiar routine. It happens. What is important, and what really matters is you recognized right away that was not an acceptable response. You got right back with the plan. That is what matters most.

You're never going to go through life without a slip up. Learning the appropriate response and recovery is what matters. You're doing that now.

I came to your blog late and read it all the way through from the beginning. You reached your goal just days after I 'caught up' and the thing that struck me the most is that how you hardly ever slipped up on the way down. That tells me that you have got what it takes to overcome this as well.

I'm glad you blogged about this. That way all your readers can know to keep you in their prayers.
Lori

Deb Willbefree said...

Ouch! Having done as well as youi have for as long as you have--that must have hurt!

I'm so sorry. Pleas give yourself a hug and not a slap. Really. You've just had surgery. All kinds of chemicals. Not to mention slicing and dicing. That results in emotional swings as well as weight gain. (Just trust me with this.)

All of the things you have to deal with, and the surgery discomfort, and the emotional jitterbug, and weight gain (I'm sure from the IVs), and an outhing!, and...well, the list goes on, doesn't it?

And don't forget that you're JUST learning how to do this whole maintenance thing--how much can you eat to stay the same and not lose more or gain. Tricky.

I think the perfect storm hit you in a weakened condition, that's what I think.

Take a deep breath. It is what it is. It does not mean that you will take a nose dive and be off track forever. No, it doesn't. Really. It doesn't.

Hugs, Margene.

Things are going to get better SOON.

Deb

A Journey to a new me... said...

I'm sorry...more for missing that you were having surgery and that I couldn't say an extra special prayer (you're always in my prayers but...). As for the emotional eating-it's going to be ok. You're tummy probably didn't feel so good after wards (which is a lesson in it self right!?) but I assume it happens to us all. You're keeping it real, not hiding the truth and that shows growth! I hope that things calm down, that the kids "chill" and that you and brent will be back together soon!
hugss.

Kimberlynn said...

Margene...we've all had days like this...everyone of us!!! I'm just sorry that you're going through so much right now. I know how easy it is during times like this to feel bad about yourself, but don't. Be kind to yourself right now, and forgiving!!! You've come a long way and have overcome so much. But one thing's for sure, those of us who have issues with food will ALWAYS have issues with food. It's the cross we carry. This weekend it was heavier than usual. But God is good...you already know that.

I love you my friend and will have you in my prayers. I'm here if you need me!!!

dawne said...

Ah man, you've been through so much. It's amazing how food seems to seem like a comfort, like an answer, and even though we tell ourselves we know it doesn't help - we cave. What power we give that stuff!!!

You are amazing to share what happened and I know you will put it behind you, remember it and go on from there.

I hope you are feeling better in all areas - family, food, relationships, physical, spiritual. Life is good!

Julie said...

See this is why I read your posts, this is why I learn from you. This is why your my inspiration. Because you are normal, you goof up like the rest of us but you pull yourself up by the boot straps and start over again. I am so sorry that your weekend was so bad. It really doesn't matter what others are going through, when you're down and hurting it's all there is. It's hard no matter what. A new day, a new week and I hope you're healing, taking care of yourself.
Yes, my inspiration, now so more then any other day. Thank you for sharing Margene.
Take care and God Bless you my friend.

Karla said...

oh sweet sweet lady!!! stress eating for sure!!!

be nice to yourself but get right back on that wagon! When is your Mr Man coming home? hopefully soon!!

I will be keeping you in my thoughts

(((((hugs)))))

ladyofthehouse said...

You've done this journey with your man and now he's away - and try to get maintanence down with him away and with surgery thrown in... Well that's just really hard!
Slip ups will happen, but you can get back up again and it will make you stronger. You've done an amazing job!!
I think it's wonderful that you shared this with us so we can be in prayer with you. Blessings ~ diane :)

MaryFran said...

Praying for you!

Food is such a horrible addiction because it's so readily available for us to indulge in. Accept it and move on! No looking back (unless it's to learn from your mistakes).

Joy said...

I am so sorry you had a bad weekend! It happens. I am glad you are feeling better. Take good care of yourself.

Keep focused!

E. Jane said...

So sorry that the food found you in a vulnerable moment. It happens, even to naturally thin people. They just don't feel so much guilt about it and move on. Those of us who have struggled so much with our weigh are conditioned to feel a ton of guilt. Cut yourself some slack, because you're strong and resilient, and you will move past this.

Lucy said...

Just want to say: no one thinks any less of you! You are still Margene - you are still the one who has forged through to reach where you are (spiritually, physically, etc).

Some days are like that, some weeks, heck even years! Don't sweat it...this doesn't change who you are.

Hang tight - you're going to make it. It's o.k.

Jennifer said...

Margene-Hold your head up high! We are all, including you, entitled to a bad day, or week or whatnot. It doesnt make you any less successful on your journey. You have so much going on and you will see yourself through this. Keep praying, and I will pray for you too. You are such an inspiration to me. I am glad you blogged about your tough time. We are here to help you through it!

Jennifer

Michele said...

Life is definitely a roller coaster at times, for you and for me, and countless others. But, you, me, and others have come so far. One slip up, okay a few, will not undo all you have done in the past year. Just keep in mind that this period of separation will pass and soon, very soon. You are one strong person, Margene. Be careful not to be too hard on yourself. Thanks for your kind words. We are doing okay-lots to process, but we will.