Our Quest to change our lives began in Feb. 2010 and we lost 224 lbs. This is the story of our continuing Journey through the ups and downs of maintenance.
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Saturday, September 7, 2013

Why keep poison in my mind and body?

Hello!  
Happy September!!!!!

Kids are in school, life is getting a little more consistent.  YES!

Okay, hard lesson learned lately:

Recently, I've had a situation where I was involved in a service of doing something nice for a friend. And in the course of my work on this, some negative words and accusations were said to me.  Some things were said to me and other hurtful things were said about me personally behind my back.  This was all  done by people I thought would have "had my back" so to speak. 

This put a huge negative spin on the whole positive thing I was trying to do and I found myself going through all the reasons why this was so completely unfair and rude, even a blatant betrayal. 

Yes, I felt anger, and sadness, and loss. 

I thought everyone involved was actually my friend.  So now, with their tendency to judge and criticize me, I felt that they were not really friends after all. So in my mind I lost friendships. 

UG! And then I let this dampen the super nice thing I was doing for a friend to begin with. 

---- Big Sigh ----

It is so easy to see how I was not in the wrong.
 I was the one actually doing something NICE.

YET... 
how I handle this can put me in the wrong. 

It's like it's all a TEST. 

Maybe the question in mind isn't if my friends are true friends, but really: 

What kind of "Friend" am I? 

One of the main people in question - I confronted and we actually talked it out. 
 This person gave me a sincere apology for their part in what happened. 

So it should have been done, right? 

Yet I found myself still mulling over things and thinking of things to get upset over
and kind of "renewed" that feeling of how "out of line" others were. 

How SO rude this was. 
How I want nothing more to do with people like that! 
How sick I am of reaching out SOOOO often in friendship and love and that is what I get! 

I spent a week in anguish, hurt, and sadness. I cried, I didn't go out.  
I felt so angry and sorry for myself. That's a week of my life I can't get back. 

What's funny, is I KNOW what will bring me peace in all this. 
(Okay, not really funny because I'm not laughing... but ya know)

I KNOW it's not confronting everyone who was rude; it's not isolating myself from everyone that is going to ease my soul. I KNOW that I have to LET GO and truly FORGIVE them. I need to let God deal with it, and let it drift away from my soul. 

And THEN I won't have the pain and anguish. 

THEN I can be FREE. 

If I really think of myself and GET REAL with all that I've ever said and done, I know that I have made mistakes and hurt others. I've done things that were unfair. Maybe not this same thing - but really, who am I to feel that I'm a saint and others aren't? 

I even knew that if I prayed specifically about this, 
I KNEW that the prompting I would feel would be to forgive and let it go. 

Why keep poison in my mind and body? 
It only harms me. 

So it's been a humbling experience. 
I am now working on forgiving and letting it go. 

I want to remember the good that came from the service and look back with a smile. 
 I know that it's Christ's atonement that wipes all that negative and pain away for REALS. 

I will be quicker to forgive and let go the next time I'm given the opportunity. 

And what does this have to do with health and eating? 

To me, it's everything! 

When I am being REAL with myself in the areas of needing to forgive. 
 I find that I'm also being REAL with myself in acknowledging that I need to make better health choices. 

I've said this before, but I truly feel that my physical and mental health is directly tied to my Spiritual health and my relationship with my high power! When I grow distant from God, it becomes harder to forgive others, to make better eating choices, and to have a clear mind in seeing truth. 

For me, being closer to God and seeking His Spirit
helps me be empowered over my life and my thoughts.
Life is GOOD
XoxoXO ~Margene



3 comments:

Joy said...

So sorry my Friend. Keep your eyes on The Lord. He is always with you!!

A Journey to a new me... said...

AMEN. Let go and let God. Easier said than done but doable. hugs

Julie said...

Always do your best and let the Lord do the rest. That's what we have to do Margene. It's hard being hurt and letting go, I know, but we have to or it will destroy us and we aren't going to let that happen.
Take care of yourself. Blessings!!