Our Quest to change our lives began in Feb. 2010 and we lost 224 lbs. This is the story of our continuing Journey through the ups and downs of maintenance.
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Sunday, August 5, 2012

Not My Own


Well, I'm back from Girls Camp which was amazing.  It was 4 days of Amazingness.  We had 35 girls and 6 leaders plus our Bishop and his counselors.  A lot of Incredible people!!

While we were there we did a confidence course which included a climbing wall.  I got to be at the top and would help the girls that needed help to reach the top by grabbing their arms or hands and pulling them up.  It was an amazing experience to cheer them on and watch them struggle and then to make it.  It felt so symbolic of my life any my struggles.  I also felt such love for each of those girls and I could feel how much Heavenly Father loves them!

Another day, we did a zip line.  That was pretty epic as well.  Some girls were very scared and overcame their fear and went anyway.  That took a lot of courage.  I also got to go on the zip line and it was majorly cool.  Another day we were out on canoes.  We had canoe races that were fun.   We also had crafts, secret sister gifts, mail time, challenges, flag ceremonies, camp songs and so much all around great FUN.  The camp ended with a special fireside hosted by our Bishop where we all wrote a bad habit or obstacle we want to get over on a balloon and then let our balloons go.  It was all about "Arising and Shining Forth".

Then we each had an opportunity to share our feelings about each other and about the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Most of us were in tears after that (happy tears), and then we ended with a "Hug Line".  Overall, it was an amazing experience that I will always treasure.  It was fun to be there with my daughter too!

I went to girls camp as a youth and I've gone as an adult in Oregon to help with crafts, but this was my first year going as the actual Camp Director who planned it and helped run it.  The other leaders were incredible and we met the goals we had set for it.  I am so thankful that I could go and be involved in this!  I'm thankful that I was physically up to the challenge as well.  I feel such love for each of those girls!

I came home utterly exhausted... emotionally and physically.  My body involuntarily crashed and went unconscious for 14 hours!  I did not stay on plan during camp and I feel bloated and yucky.  I do not like how I feel physically.  I can't wait to get back into a better eating and exercising schedule.  I really missed my basketball too.

And this next week is also not my own week.  Right now, my life is NOT MY OWN.  I have so much computer work, prep for our after camp party on Wednesday, Relief Society work, meetings, family things, house cleaning, and Thursday through Saturday I'm gone on another camping trip for youth conference - this time in actual costumes the whole time.  I have not a moment for myself.

I am so blessed, I know... but today I am missing my mother.  I miss having that soft place to fall.  Being "new" here wears on me.  I don't have the roots of friendships that so many around me do of people who really "know" me and truly care for me.  I know that all I really need is my Savior and so I seek to feel His love.  And today I just feel depleted.  I feel like I have given all I have lately... and many of my church friends I work with also have full plates - yet THEY have friends and family who notice that and uplift them.  They have incredible support systems.  I feel so alone!  I am very alone, it's just how it is.  The other week I tried opening up to a friend about how hard it really was for me here and it totally backfired.  I have to be careful what I say and to whom I share, I guess.  But I know that I am known to my Savior!  I have been pleading to feel His love and acceptance today.

And with that I bid you Adieu!  
Life is good.  Stay on Plan.  Focus on the Positive.  :)
Much love, 
~Margene  XoxOxO 


Kimberlynn said...

A big hug to you sweet Margene...that's what I wish I could give you instead of just this comment. I know just how you feel, I felt the same way when I moved here...for a long time. But with a lot of prayer and over time, God brought me those wonderful friends I so needed. And he'll do the same for you. Take comfort...in Him.

Lori said...

I understand too well about time not being my own. I'm beginning to wonder if it will ever be mine. At least I'm learning to deal with it and squeeze in a little me time here & there.

Joy said...

Friend so glad you had a great time at camp. Sounds like a wonderful and life changing time!!

I am sending hugs and love your way. I am so sorry you are feeling alone. It is so hard moving to a new place. Just know that you are most loved by us and the Lord. He is with you!!

Love and hugs!

gracies tough journey said...

Hugs Hugs and double hugs. I am happy your camp was brilliant for you. But I feel your loneliness, and can soo relate. You are always in the Lords heart and ours. Gracie

Julie said...

((((HUGS)))) and prayers. And I am very proud of you and all that you do for all todays youth. They need you and you've stepped up and given your all.
Blessings my friend!!!