Our Quest to change our lives began in Feb. 2010 and we lost 224 lbs. We slowly gained a lot of that weight back and we're now on another journey for weight loss and better health using Bright Line Eating. This is the story of our continuing Journey. .
(For the fullest effect, begin at the beginning in Feb. 2010 using our Blog Archive on sidebar)

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Video Clip of myself from the past...

I've been converting my home videos to the computer and I ran across this video today. It's me opening gifts on my birthday in 2006. I haven't seen this video since it was made and I was SHOCKED to see myself. I am morbidly HUGE with that big spare tire and I almost don't have a neck with my double chin. Although at this time, I was just starting to come out of my "cave", I was also haunted by the years and years of SELF LOATHING. I honestly couldn't imagine anyone ever wanting to be my friend or hang around me. (Thus, I pretty much had no social life for 20+ years!) I didn't ever want to go out in public. The only way I did was by pretending that I wasn't fat... which made it difficult when I passed my reflection... even shocking. I never want to be this big again!!!

You may not notice in this video too, the small case of Trichotillomania I had. For YEARS I had no bottom eye lashes and was constantly massacring my eyebrows. I didn't mean to do this to myself... it's hard to explain, but I think inside, it was a physical manifestation of the disgust I had for myself. To actually get into "cutting" or other self-injurious behaviors would have been too obvious to me, and I would never do something like that. It has taken a few years but I have overcome this and I have all my lashes and brows! That is one personal battle I have conquered but it wasn't easy. It is hard and frankly embarrassing to bring all this to light, but I feel that by doing so, I am able to face these old issues head on and let go of the past me and move forward. And if anyone reading this relates to these kind of issues, I hope they would know that they can conquer this too!!
This picture of me and my son was taken just yesterday. I was very surprised because I think my face looks thinner... less of a double chin. I really do think it might be the angle again, but either way, I like this picture of me! I look happy. I look like someone that I would want to be friends with! Thankfully, I think I am more of a friend to that girl now, too!


Donita said...

You can definitely see the "light in your eyes" in your picture with your son. Thanks for sharing.

lynnss1 said...


You need to stop giving the credit to "the angle" and give credit to the woman in charge... that's you, girlfriend! I love the picture and the great big smile. I see a completely different lady from the one in the video...

Thanks for sharing the cute pic and your story. You are making major process toward leaving that old life behind.

Have a great week!