What I loved best...

Last Friday we had another women's church basketball game.  THIS time, my daughter came with me and played with us!!!  It was her first time even playing basketball and she kicked it!  Of course, she was the youngest so no wonder she could cruise down the court.  

It really MADE MY DAY to have her come share that with me.  

That is what I loved best last weekend!!

And we WON!!!  We had an hour of practice, an hour of a game, then another hour of a scrimmage with another team since their rivals did a no show so we played them.
Three hours of basketball and I was in heaven!  

I also got a NEW super cool PINK ball.  

How uber super duper KEWL is that!!! 

Gotta love it!

Saturday was supposed to be my long run... but I failed.  I never did go run.  

Mostly because I was swamped with my work all weekend.  Sunday my body gave out and I spent the whole day recuperating.  

So today I did go running this morning.  It has been 4 days since I had run last and I did NOT want to loose the stamina I've gained so far.
 I ran for almost an hour!  

And I am happy to report that it didn't kill me!  Yay!  I am starting to enjoy my solitary runs with my ipod and thoughts to myself... as long as it's outside!  (Running alone on the treadmill is the absolute MOST boring.)

I passed several pastures of horses.  I would look over and here's this horse just standing there staring at me.   So I waved to him and smiled.  The horse just continued to stare - I could not tell what he was thinking, but he did turn his head as I passed.  Do you think he realizes I'm being friendly?
I like horses!  I want them to like me! :)  

Well, this is my quick note for today.  

Trying to get over the small heartaches which trouble me and 

hold on to awesome stuff that really matters!!

Life is GOOD!  

XoxoxOX

~Margene

Did I do my VIRTUAL RUN Today?

Last night was another one of our women’s basketball games.  I get way excited to play.  I love to pump it up and really do my best.  I LOVE IT!!  I run, I get hot, I try to make baskets, I try to steal the ball.... it’s so dang FUN!

Brent and my daughter came to watch.  The other team didn’t show up (so they forfeited and we won) so we just played each other on a 4:4 team still full court.

Rowr!!  We Yo Mama's!!  I'm second to the end on right

I can’t even type this without tears coming to my eyes - it’s hard to express what it means to me to have my husband and daughter watch me play.  Because more than anyone else in that building THEY know what it’s taken for me to get here. THEY know what it means for me to play.  I am making up for lost years here.  YEARS!

Even though I’m not the best of players... my heart is so in it and I feel so alive playing.  When I can run down that court on a fast break and I’m the first one to the basket, or when I guard another player and I can keep up with her and stop her from scoring... I feel like a WINNER.  Because I could NOT have done that for so many years.  It means so much to me to have my husband and daughter proud of me.  No one else there may have had any clue what it meant... but for me - it’s FREEDOM FROM BONDAGE!

After the game, my friend and I took our daughters and splurged on some frozen yogurt.  We definitely had burned enough calories and earned that splurge (that is our reasoning and we stand by it)  No toppings, just the yogurt.  It was a great memory.

Yes, I'm wearing my really extra big jacket - trying to keep extra warm :)

Soooo... this morning was my VIRTUAL RUN for  Tori's Febtastic 1st Annual Virtual fun Run/Walk for February.  I laid in bed for a long time... seems to be a pattern when I almost psyche myself out of things, but eventually I got out of that bed and literally raced out of the house before I could change my mind.

Threw on my jogging out fit and just about to head out the door!

As I got down the street, I realized I DID NOT have my knee braces on.  Dang!  Hope my knees don’t get sore - as this is going to be a longer run!  

It was cold but clear and I had this gorgeous mountain range all around me... the view was incredible as I ran and the music kept me going.  I would punch out during certain parts of the songs.  I had the Star Wars Darth Vader theme music come on my ipod... and I couldn’t help but raise my hand up to the sides like I was using the force to move things, and then breath out and I sounded just like Vader. It felt powerful!  I smiled as I thought about anyone peeking out their window laughing at me.  Oh well, dork is me.  It felt cool!

What amazed me is how good I felt running.  Maybe it was just being outside this time!  I took my pace SLOW and STEADY.  I didn’t even look at my watch until over 30 minutes has passed.  I had lots to think about and discuss in my head with Heavenly Father.  I felt such gratitude that He gave me this body and that I could run.  I felt grateful for the strength He gave me so I could.  At one point, my hair bangs kept falling down over my face annoying me and as I wished they would stay out of my face - just then, a cool breeze came and blew them back out of my way and gave me a nice cool feel on my face.  I knew it was a little gift from HIM... He cares even about those tiny things. 

So even though I was running alone when I preferred to have a buddy, it’s like I was RUNNING with ANGELS and I wasn’t alone!  Maybe those angels were my wonderful parents.  Being on the other side, they can see that bigger picture and they know the path I’ve traveled and how hard it's been for me.  THEY KNOW.  They LOVE me!   It makes me smile to think they may watch me or be angels that run with me.  I don’t know if that is true, but I do know that I WASN’T ALONE.

I ran a ways down a long pathway that leads out of our valley then I came all the way back.  I did start to tire after an hour but I was determined to get all the way back to my house.  Towards the end it was just about enduring and my eyes were pretty much on the path just a few feet ahead.

I made it home and right into my husbands arms.  He had tried riding his bike to find me but never did.

I pulled out my pedometer to see that

 I had run 5.35 MILES!!

BOOYA!!

THIS IS A NEW MARGENE LIFETIME RECORD!!!  

I’ve never run that far or long in my lifetime yet.  

I ran for 1 hour and 25 minutes straight without stopping.  

I was hoping to just run over 1 hour and possibly 4 miles... I am so pleased to have beaten my own goal!  

AND my knees are not overly sore.  

What a blessing!

It amazes me what a person can do that we don’t realize we can do.  Maybe we focus way too much energy and thoughts on our mistakes and failures that we don’t realize that our potential is UNLIMITED and a million times more than we know!  Maybe we should focus more attention to what we want to DO or ACHIEVE instead of all the mistakes and obstacles along the way. 

DISTRACTION can be our enemy... especially those negative thinking ones that serve no good purpose!  I am still learning this.  I am still trying to NOT get distracted by self-doubt, fear, loneliness, or laziness... but to realize I CAN DO IT.  

I’ve been saying to myself every time I start a run,“It’s not that hard, you can do this - you’ve done this before” and that’s been helping me not to go into thinking how hard it is and that I want to stop.  

“It’s not that hard - I can do this - I’ve done this before”.  

Words can have such power.

Whatever you have before you - I hope you can CONQUER yourself and JUST DO IT!  
You CAN DO IT!  

Focus on that end result and IGNORE the mistakes along the way.

Life is GOOD 

xoxoxo ~Margene

The Only Sports Team...

That I have been on was 9th grade basket ball in high school when I was 14 years old!  There I am number 31 on the left.

I LOVED basketball, thanks to my 5 big brothers (as well as baseball, camping, playing outside, bike riding... and most things “tom boy” style).  But I was so extremely lacking confidence.  I spent the whole season debating if I should quit.  I felt like the mis-fit of the team and it was shortly after this time that I started gaining my weight and nurturing my self-loathing thoughts and habits... 

BUT

It has always been my favorite sport. 

SO

Finally... 28 years later, I played me some BBALL!  With my knees wrapped up and a few quick prayers (social anxiety) I made myself go to our church’s women’s basketball night.  I was one of 5 women that showed up and we played some FULL COURT scrimmaging 3 against 2.  WOW, does that get the heart pumping and it was dang fun!  Yes, I sucked... I missed most baskets except for one here or there... but I was guarding like a hawk.  Defense was always my fort-ay, because I am a shorty at 5’3” (you’d think I’d pick a better sport to love).  I'm the one on the right.

The tall lady in the middle is a friend I've known for years and she bragged me up about losing all my weight.  That was nice.  Feels SO good to be able to play and run.  I felt so alive!  All these ladies have 3-4 kids each and they are GOOD players.  I feel inspired to keep playing and get good again.

As far as food.  I’ve been back to my plan this week.  Today, I splurged off a little but from Monday - Wednesday I was pretty self-disciplined.  My weight tipped up over 140 at the beginning of the week but was down again today to 137.  I will be monitoring myself and learning what I can and can’t eat to maintain my weight in the 130’s.  

It must be a huge fear for every morbidly obese person who looses their weight... that fear that you’ll gain it back.  It is a strong fear for me.  It’s like when I eat something sugary and high calorie Or I just eat too huge a portion - I can feel my stomach bloated and yucky.  I instantly feel like I’ve gained it all back again right then.  It is truly terrifying.  Even though I know I haven’t, the yucky feeling inside makes me FEEL like I have.  Mind games... gotta learn to control the thoughts.  And forgive mistakes so I can move on and not keep making the same ones.  It’s all in the journey!

This week I made some tuna steaks using this recipe.  Yum! (Yes, I’m in maintenance so I treat myself to pineapple now).  Also, I like these teriyaki chicken from Costco (pre-cooked).  Great to put on my salad - fast and simple and tasty.

Take care my friends!! Life is good!

XoXOxo ~Margene