Being a Mother - Having a Mother

I love being a mom!  I love it that my kids are older now and I can have meaningful conversations with them and do fun stuff together.  Last Friday, my daughters and I went and saw the new Twilight movie (Breaking Dawn part 1).  I do have to say, that there was some parts I had them cover their eyes... poor planning on my part for not researching before we went.  However, we did have a fabulous gals night out together... shopping at the thrift store and running through the falling snow to the theater. 

Which brings me to say...

We had our first SNOW here since we have moved to Utah.  Here was the view Saturday morning out our back door.  

It has been another one of those hard weeks for me.  We were excited to have an OPEN HOUSE now that we own this home and invite all our relatives here from Utah to come.  It was just last Saturday.  We did a lot of little fix ups and work on the house to get ready.  We painted, fixed walls, installed a door, changed out some appliances, fixed a toilet, cleaned.... it was nice to have a reason to get stuff done.  And I made a bunch of little appetizers.

A delicious veggie tray with low fat dips, little smokies in a blanket from my own homemade garlic/parmesan dough, muddy buddies (that my daughter made), and this majorly scrumptious pumpkin chocolate chip cake with cream cheese frosting!

We had over 40 people committed to come, yet half way through it - only 2 had shown up.  Although, we did have a few more trickle in - (and even well after the time it was supposed to be over) - it was an emotional let down for me which I didn’t expect.

It really boils down to missing my own mother.   A mother shares in your joys and in your heartaches like no one else can.  Sometimes it feels like such a huge hole in my life to not have my parents here!   My kids could sure blossom with their attention and love.  It’s hard for anyone to understand unless their parents are gone.  I’ve had a relative tell me before to “get over it”... interestingly enough, this person still has their parents closeby.  So, it does leave me hesitant to share how it really feels.  Most people prefer to stay consumed in their own lives and problems.

Moving here to Utah and working to make a difference here, fit it, contribute at church and school, reach out and show an interest in others and in my extended family... 

I really do feel emotionally DRAINED and a bit depleted this week!  I need to work on filling my own bucket.  I miss my friends in Oregon.... but I can’t lean on them when I am feeling lonely and un-included here.  They have all moved on.

So today, although my heart is heavy and low.... I’ve recommitted myself to being STRICTLY on plan (which this past week I was not) and to drink lots of water.  Both Brent and I have committed to stay ON PLAN over Thanksgiving.  I refuse to turn to food for comfort.  I’m  having my kids eat the rest of that pumpkin cake... it’s just too good to be left alone with me.  :)  It’s time to focus on all my blessings which are MANY!  

I feel blessed to change the course of my life so that I will be here for my children... I don't want them to suffer the loss of their mother!

How do you plan to spend your Thanksgiving?

XoxoXO ~Margene

Thanksgiving and Letting Go

It was sweet and simple. Just our family. Simple delicious food. Lots of rest and lounging. Then a jaunt to the movie "Megamind" at the theater later on. Nice. Lovely. Quiet.

I tried brining my turkey this time, and it was so tender, moist and delicious. My daughter helped me form some Rhodes dough into rolls and they rose overnight (they got so big!). For the kids I had the rolls, gravy from a can (since I don’t know how to make my own), and stuffing. We also had roasted Veggies.

We snapped a couple of pics. I love how I can sit on My Man's lap now... and not destroy him in the process!

I stayed on plan... But I did eat a little more than 6 ounces of turkey breast... it was so good! I also snitched a couple bites of the cooked carrots that were under the turkey in all that yummy juice. They were so good. Carrots are not on plan right now but I will add them in later. I enjoyed my snitching. No pie. I had my Medifast pumpkin pie pudding (vanilla pudding w/ pumpkin pie spice and cinnamon - Yum!). I also enjoyed some knox blox and crunchy Medifast pretzels in the theater. I did not feel like I missed out on a single thing - food wise at least. :) Wonderful day!

Roasted veggies are my NEW FAVORITE!!

They are so easy.

I cut up the veggies into 1” cubes or so. I used broccoli, Cauliflower, zucchini, and yellow squash. Toss with olive oil and sprinkle with sea salt. Bake in middle of the oven at 425 for 12 minutes or so. Take out and flip them over as needed. Bake another 5-8 minutes as needed for that sealed roasted glaze. Then toss with just a splash of balsamic vinegar. SO delish!!!

I was reading yesterday over at Sam’s Believe in yourself blog and her post “It’s time to let go” really spoke to me. I know that letting go is really my theme of this whole journey. I’ve talked about this before especially when I first started back in February. Sam talks about a dream she had and the questions that came to her: Are there things in my heart that need to be set free? Things that daily cause me pain? That cause others pain? Things that cause this to be a painful life?

I have to say YES. I know that the pain and heartache I feel are things I need to let go. I get hung up on my lack of understanding. Why things turn out so differently, what was the purpose of certain events, are hurtful things said to me in the past still true, what is so horrible about me, and my list of questions can go on and on. I’ve recognized my need to let go. To move on. To have faith in my future. Yet, there are those times that a snippet of that heartache pops back into my life and I stumble and fall and fight it all over again. I have this song I love by Michael McLean that’s called “Let it go”. I love to just listen and soak in the words. Here are some of them:

“Letting go, opens up the heart. There is a new day hungry to start. You can’t change what has hurt you so, but you will heal, if you can let it go. All that’s wrong in your life, let it go. All that is worth saving..... is love. Love will hold you tight. Love lifts the burden and love shines the light. Only love nourishes a soul. If it’s not love, simply let it go.”

So Sam talks about letting go and embracing joy. She challenges her readers to find ONE THING to let go for today and to encourage our blog readers to do the same and to think of how much better this world would be if we all removed one of the painful things from our heart and replaced it with a feeling and action of gratitude. Grab this button too, and post about it if ya want! :)

So my one thing to let go of today is my DOUBTS. My doubts in things being positive, doubts in my relationships with others, doubts in truly trusting the Lord. I want to let them GO and replace them with FAITH. Faith in trusting the Lord. Faith that my family and friends are true to me (this is huge), and Faith in things turning out for the best. I know this seems huge, but it boils down to little thoughts.. and I want to LET GO of my little doubtful thoughts that lead me to so much pain. Whoooosh....... gone! Letting them go!

What do you want to let go of today?

Week 41 and the Deathly Hallows...

Oh yeah! We are big time Harry Potter Fans. I even have the official HP Wand and Marauders Map (which I got for my 40th bday). So today we headed out to see the movie with the kids and it was great! Except for now I have to wait 'till next year for part II. (In Margene time that is equivalent to about 4.5 years!)

So last July 2009, we got special screening passes to see HP & The Half Blood Prince even before it was released. I took my HP wand and we snapped this pic on the left below while we waited in line. I remember feeling pretty groovy with my wand.

(July 2009) -------------------------------- (Nov. 2010)

Then the pic on the right was taken just today. Yes, I brought my wand again. Feeling groovy again I suppose. I pulled up my old pic for a comparison. I cannot believe that was us just last year. It already seems like a lifetime ago. Never going back!!

Okay, so weigh-in this morning showed me having LOST 3 POUNDS! Woo Hoo! That breaks up my 3 week plateau. The hubs is STILL THE SAME. He's feeling a little down about that but definitely not out. He's been struggling with taking some spoonfuls of peanut butter in the evenings which is kicking him out of "fat burning" and slowing his weight loss. But he's working on it. It's also about his stress and ADD meds as well... we're trying to get the right combination of everything so he can feel 100 percent.

For Thanksgiving, I've decided that I'm staying on plan. None of this "I'll stay on plan except for the holidays." Let's see... the holidays: Thanksgiving meal, Christmas Eve meal, Christmas Day meal, New years Day meal.... that is 4 meals. So why do the "Holiday's" end up being more like 20 or more meals? It's 4 meals... is that worth gaining weight for? Not to me. When I've reached my goal and learned to maintain, THEN I will "splurge" a little more where I feel I can, but right now I am in weight loss mode. When I am on-plan, I am in "Fat Burning" which gives me the exact balance of protein, carbs and healthy fats to be burning my fat and losing 2-5 lbs a week (in a very healthy way). When I eat something off plan (like a donut), that's like throwing a big log on a roaring fire... it nearly puts it out and makes it take a long time to build up again (my metabolism) and it takes 3 days of being on-plan to get back into fat burning. Is a donut or piece of pie or brownie really worth 3 days lost? Not to mention the cost of that food - my Medifast food is about $10. a day so that donut would be a $30. donut. NOPE. I will be satisfied with my delicious Medifast brownie, or hot chocolate, or even these Vanilla Spice Cookies I made from the Vanilla Shakes... YUM! And it keeps me on plan. Plus I can enjoy a big 6 ounces of delicious turkey and some veggies or a fresh salad. I am so not missing out. And if I absolutely HAVE to, I'll have one bite of pumpkin pie. But as of right now I don't plan on it. If I had 2-3 bites of pumpkin pie, then I would start CRAVING carbs more. You know.... THAT is why I can do this plan... because it curbs my cravings so well. When I do let too many carbs slip in, my hunger and cravings go up. Staying ON PLAN is SO easy, because I don't have to fight all of that. People think I'm suffering or really going without but I am SO NOT. I am not fighting the cravings and fighting the cravings is what makes "dieting" so hard.

So that's my plan, and I'm stickin' to it!! Anyone else with me and want to stay ON PLAN for the holidays? We can so do this!

I also want to focus more on games and activities and spending time with loved ones this holiday season instead of making it just about food. I want to make it about spending time together!

You may have noticed too, that I've added tabs right below my header up there now. I have a tab that link to my "Take Shape For Life" info page, and one for my "Medifast Recipes". This is where I post my knox blox, Medifast Peanut butter balls, and other recipes I've tried. Then there is a link to "Margene's Lean and Greens". This shows pics of my lean and green meals. And when you click on the picture, it will link you to the blog post where I posted it and have the recipe. Hopefully that will be helpful to those looking for meal ideas. :)

Alright... Thanksgiving week... here I come!! Life is GOOD!!