Happy Hallo's and Week 2 Back

Happy Halloween!!!

Week 2 on plan again resulted in NO Loss and No gain… we both maintained.  I anticipated that with fasting one of the days and a planned enjoyment of a birthday dessert with a friend another day.  So we are both back to being strict on plan and getting back to losing!

I went to a most inspiring and uplifting women's conference this last weekend called "Time out For Women".  It was such a nice needed break.  It was fun and edifying.  I got to listen to and meet some of my favorite people:   

 Among them Sheri Dew (2nd time meeting her), and the performing group  "Mercy River" who sang the song Love Never Fails which I made a video for and posted on here a few months ago... and they have a ton of great songs.  Epic!

This is a crazy week for me (it seems like I think that about every week now).  Although today is one of my low days.  It's one of those days that moving here feels hard.  I know how I feel isn't necessarily based on fact or truth, and that it's just a rough patch again… but dang, I miss being around people who know me.  People who know when I mess up that it doesn't reflect who I really am. 

Days like today, I feel that the sacrifice to move here feels huge, even tho we've been so blessed.  I gave up a harvest of friends and an amazing church family in Oregon.  And it's been a good move for my kids and we finally own a home again.  It's all good.  But at times I feel like a mis-fit and so completely isolated.  It's like the Lord dropped me off and said "Now, go do some good" and I'm trying.  My motivation is lacking.  I didn't go to basketball yesterday for no reason except it just didn't seem fun anymore.  And that's the one thing I do for me!

I emailed a dear friend in Oregon several days ago… telling her some of my struggles and heartaches.  She is someone who I've known for years and greatly admire.  She's been with me through my weight loss journey as well.  She wrote back to me and shared a description of me in a way I've never heard or thought of before.  It explains so much of why I struggle.  I wept while reading it because I know she understands.  Not only that, but it was overwhelming to hear her say such positive things about me.  I didn't realize how much I needed to hear that.  Here is an excerpt from her email:

"You my dear are blessed to be able to feel deeply. Actually it’s a blessing and a curse – opposition in all things. Not everyone feels deeply. More of us are light in that department. That is why so many can flit from friend to friend but you fall in love and feel the attachment in your very soul. It is a good thing, but it means that you are more prone to the pain of unreturned deep feelings from the flitterers that are out there. They love you . . . truly . . . but not quite the same depth. It’s a different perception/reality/paradigm . . . whatever you want to call it. The majority of us are shallow when it comes to feelings. You are a rare gem of the deep feeling kind. You need to accept your gift, it is so similar to the love the Savior felt for his friends when he was here on earth, but look at the pain he suffered because he loved so much. There were even those moments when HIS friends were just simply shallow and uncommitted. Accept that along with the joy of loving deeply there comes great pain and sorrow because we who flit simply are not blessed to feel as wonderfully deep as you.
It’s actually a spiritual blessing too. You also feel things spiritually deeper than a lot of people. This is what makes you an amazing servant of the Lord. You put your whole self into everything you do and others are blessed by your commitment, your own family, your ward family and your friends.
Like all things in life, there is an upside and a downside. You find what you look for. Stay positive my friend. All these trials work for your own good . . . even though you may not see it now or even for a very long time."

I know there are many out there who struggle with HUGE things, who have deep wounds to heal, who suffer every day and every hour.  I pray for you.  My heart goes out to anyone who suffers.  My own trials are but trivial compared to many others. 

Today, I'm going to count my blessings and try to do some good!  I've got 4 amazing kids that need me and who I absolutely adore & a husband who is the bomb diggety!!  There are others who need me too, and I pray I can be there and make a difference where I can.

 

Have a wonderful Halloween, my friends, 

and don't touch that candy!!!

Life is good!

~Margene xoxOXO

I gave in!

I've been keeping busy and keeping myself occupied. 

But These last two days I hit a wall.  And I gave in. 

  

I didn't give in to any junk food or off-plan food, actually my appetite is not there much. 

  

I submitted to my heartache and sorrow from my recent train wreck.  It's been two days full of raw emotion.  God knows all the effort and changes in my life I've made to do and be a better person and how I have been putting the feelings of others ahead of my own.  He knows!!  

So why do I have to be blindsided (again) from someone so dear to me?  It was aimed purposely at my weakest spot.  I honestly cannot think of a single thing I have done that was mean, out of line, offensive, overdone, smothering, or wrong.  How can someone throw a true friend away?  Aren't friendships worth fixing?  I am treated like I am an enemy.   Like there is nothing good about me to warrant any kind of contact with me.

Yet, it's not even an option for me to be bitter against her because I don't want to go that route.  Maybe I miss a friend that was never really my friend.  I will need Divine help to find peace or healing from this.

As this situation has left me feeling so cold, unwanted and unloved - I've been grasping for the love that my Savior has for me.   I've thought of my parents on the other side of the veil, and how surely they are watching me and would comfort me if they could.  And my own loving husband who has always been there for me, I know he loves me.  I do have people who stand by me and haven't just walked away.  

I've been listening to a song called "Love Never Fails" by Mercy River.  This song seems to speak in music, what my heart feels.  I know that Love is what really matters. Love is what will come through in the end.  I want to fill my heart with love, not with sorrow.  I feel SO much love, joy, and happiness for each of family and friends - including my blogger friends.

Today, I made a video to this song "Love Never Fails" because I felt like the song could say what my heart cannot.  That I'm CHOOSING the path of love. I'd like to share that video in this post - I think it's worth watching.  I've dedicated it to my parents, my family, and all my friends!

I want to live with NO REGRETS. 

I want to live my life showing my love to others.  

I always regretting not showing my love to my mother and then she passed away.  And that didn't hurt her as much as it has hurt me.  With-holding our love from others really hurts US in the end.
  

So, NO REGRETS.   

Forgive those that hurt me.   

Forgive myself.
Move on.

Life is GOOD

~Margene