More Comparison Pics - The Good, The Bad, The HORRIFIC

MY MAN:

This on the left was taken in July of 2009 (300 lbs) - just over a year ago. Although he is smiling, he is miserable and in constant pain. My young son won't even look at this pic of his dad because it really bothers him. It was a time of survival, not living.

The pic on the right was taken last week and reminds me of how he looked when we got married over two decades ago. You can see more of the real him in his eyes... he is a very compassionate man!

June 2007 is when the pic on the left was taken. Always looking for a place to sit down then!

On the right was taken today after church. I LOVE the way he looks in his suit. I keep starring at how good he looks and how much younger and how I want to... I could say more, but this is a family blog!!

MYSELF:

The left pic here was taken on my birthday in 2006. I allowed my picture to be taken as a record for my children, you know, in case I died... since I would probably die young (I was keeping it real for myself) they needed something to remember me by. I hated my picture taken and cringed looking at any picture of myself. I saw no beauty and only absolute disgust and could only imagine that is what everyone else saw. I also butchered my eyebrows pretty much daily and always had red marks on them. It is SO hard for us women to see the beauty in ourselves, isn't it? We are way too hard on ourselves!

The pic on the right was taken this month after my daughter put my hair into a side pony tail. I don't always realize myself how my face has changed because I am the one behind it! And sometimes I don't even recognize it. But I do like it much better and I am still learning to find the beauty within.

The left hand picture is me exactly 9 years ago at a family members wedding. I would have the video camera because really, what else is there for me to do? I was the "fat aunt" who needed something to do to feel useful and taking pictures or video kept me from being in them! I do love videoing, though, but I missed the socializing a lot because I didn't feel like anyone would want to socialize with the fat lady (silly, but I did believe that). That was a size 28 dress that I have worn up until a few months ago!

And the pic on the right is me just yesterday. This is the dress that my friend gave me... the size 14 dress mentioned in a previous post. I am SO happy to have something else to wear other than my one skirt to church and I love it. My kids were oohhing and aahhing when they saw me in it. My young son called me "sexy" which is a word I don't like him to be using (yes, I am old school), but it was sweet none the less.

Yes, it is very embarrassing to post these pics of ourselves. We are not proud of how we let ourselves go and ate ourselves into obesity. When you are heavy, there is a lot of shame involved, which causes you to turn to food for comfort and it becomes a vicious cycle. Change can happen, but it is a process and a continual journey. For us, it's been a change that has involved not only what we eat or how active we are, but how we view and handle our trials and our perspective - and letting go of the past. I never thought at the beginning of 2010 that we'd be moving or selling so much of our stuff. It's like this change has brought on a bigger "purging" than I thought it would. We both sometimes "freak out" but overall, I think we're moving forward steady and full of faith for a positive future.

LIFE IS GOOD, and WORTH CHERISHING EVERY MOMENT!

Comparison Pics along with my thoughts

Today at church, I had quite a few comments on my weight loss... the most I've ever had, really. I almost just don't know what to say or how to handle it. It's like I've lost enough to make it noticeable now. So, I put these pics together for my own comparison. I see that woman on the very left and inside I still feel like I am her. It is the weirded thing! I feel self-conscious as if I am that heavy still. But I love feeling better and all the NSV (non-scale victories) that I am having. I wish I could put into words how LIFE CHANGING it has been for me!

My man looked at that pic of himself on the left and said "I don't even remember being that big." Okay, why does HE get to not remember? :) I have watched HIS life transform in the last few months. He has also recently gotten on an ADD medication dosage that is changing his life and allowing him to THINK, FOCUS, and see things like he hasn't before so that combined with his weight loss has been amazingly life changing for him. My heart is so full in gratitude that he is feeling better and happier and so much more hopeful. He really is the most awesome guy I know!!

These last two days have been very astounding, emotional, and endearing between my man and myself as we have talked and worked through (and cried through) some long on-going trials & heartaches. Yet an amazing piece of clarity has come from it. I believe in personal revelation from God and I believe that my husband can receive divinely inspired promptings for the benefit of his family (including me!). And I know the Lord has revealed a truth to me through my husband that has shed so much light on years and years of prayers. I feel so humbled and so very thankful for the blessings I have. I hope I can remember this when the trials come again.

The longer you wait for something, the more it means to you when it finally comes. And in my case, there are SO many wonderful blessings I have but MOST of them I have had to WAIT for. Have I mentioned that I am not good at waiting? My man KNOWS that 1 year in normal time is equivalent to approx. 6 years in "Margene time"! This is true! You have no idea! But I tell you, I don't take my blessings for granted and I don't think of them lightly. I KNOW where they come from and HE who blesses me with them. So maybe those are lessons I've needed to learn (drat... I hate having to always learn lessons - I need a lesson-break here!!).

I've been realizing that both my man and I are such LATE BLOOMERS!! We are both the youngest of big families and we were clueless parents and socially delayed and awkward misfits... I could go on and on. But it has taken ALL THESE YEARS to reach a point where we feel like we can contribute and serve the Lord more fully, and not be TOTAL dorks in social settings. (We're still immature mind you, but not overly dorky anymore) Everything that seems to come so easily for others seemed (and seems) so much harder for us... but NOW we're getting it. NOW, we're beginning to see that "bigger picture" and realize all the "big lies" that set us back from reaching our potential. I don't know if this makes any sense but it kind of does to me right now, although it is way late (after 2 am) and I need to get to bed. Goodnight my dear readers!! (If you made it this far, you are a true saint!)

Week 17 - PIZZA!!

Today marks the end of week 17 with our lifestyle change and I lost 1 pound last week while my guy lost 2 pounds. Okay, that was my slowest week ever on this plan.... BUT it's STILL GOOD! (My goal was to lose 4 pounds, so I'm trying not to feel dis-heartened - AND I drank water like a maniac last week - but it's still a loss so that's good).

I was doing some comparing with past pictures and this is what I came up with:

These are embarrassing pictures, I tell ya, and just looking at our faces, I KNOW how horrible we felt. But the pics from today look SO much better. I can even see that I have somewhat of a neck now! I missed that! We still have a ways to go and we are determined to get there.

Look at the Dec. 2009 of my man... he was so miserable and just trying to endure life at that time. I am SO thankful that he is feeling better now. He has had a dramatic change in his life with this and he is currently writing about his experience which I will post when he finishes. (It's taking him weeks to write this).

Last week, we tried a pizza recipe that I found first on "Break free from Obesity blog", and then again on "Escape From Obesity blog".

This is Cauliflower Pizza!!

The Crust is made from 1 cup of mashed cauliflower, 1/2 cup egg beaters, and 1/2 cup low fat shredded cheese. You spread it out on a pan or pie tin that is sprayed VERY GOOD with cooking spray and pop in the oven at 450 degrees for 15-20 min. until the edges are crisp and dark. The first batch I did, the pie tins were smaller so the "crust" was thicker. The next time I just spread it out on a cookie sheet.

After the crust is done, let it cool a little, then flip them over and dress your pizza. I used 1/4 cup peppers, 1/4 cup mushrooms, and 1/4 cup meatless crumbles. The second time, I added a few spoons of tomato sauce with itallian seasonings (which has less calories than using pizza sauce).

Then you sprinkle the top with another 1/2 cup low fat cheese and bake at 350 until cheese is all melted... about 5 minutes or so.

The picture below shows the finished pizzas (without any tomato sauce even). My 10 year old son tasted it and loved it and wanted us to make some for him. They were SOOO good!

A couple days later, I tried it again making my "crust" even thinner and using the tomato sauce as part of my veggie and it was the most delish L&G I've had SO far. I realize that I have to be VERY careful when portioning out the cheese and all the ingredients as going over here and there will really add up the calories on this meal.

So for Medifast eaters it goes like this:

Veggies = 1/4 cup green peppers, 1/4 cup mushrooms, 1 cup cauliflower (and possible few spoonfuls of tomato sauce w/Italian seasoning).

Lean meat = 1/2 cup Egg beaters, 1 cup low fat cheese, 1/4 cup meatless crumbles

My goals for this week are to get my body MOVING more. At the gym, going for walks, lifting weights, etc. I really need to get in a set routine. And I need to be careful not to get relaxed about adding extra calories in my L&G meals. My hubby told me that our meals seem to be getting bigger and bigger as I "guess" on measurements of the veggies. No more! They are good enough meals without needing to overstuff ourselves with them!