That I have been on was 9th grade basket ball in high school when I was 14 years old! There I am number 31 on the left.
I LOVED basketball, thanks to my 5 big brothers (as well as baseball, camping, playing outside, bike riding... and most things “tom boy” style). But I was so extremely lacking confidence. I spent the whole season debating if I should quit. I felt like the mis-fit of the team and it was shortly after this time that I started gaining my weight and nurturing my self-loathing thoughts and habits...
BUT
It has always been my favorite sport.
SO
Finally... 28 years later, I played me some BBALL! With my knees wrapped up and a few quick prayers (social anxiety) I made myself go to our church’s women’s basketball night. I was one of 5 women that showed up and we played some FULL COURT scrimmaging 3 against 2. WOW, does that get the heart pumping and it was dang fun! Yes, I sucked... I missed most baskets except for one here or there... but I was guarding like a hawk. Defense was always my fort-ay, because I am a shorty at 5’3” (you’d think I’d pick a better sport to love). I'm the one on the right.
The tall lady in the middle is a friend I've known for years and she bragged me up about losing all my weight. That was nice. Feels SO good to be able to play and run. I felt so alive! All these ladies have 3-4 kids each and they are GOOD players. I feel inspired to keep playing and get good again.
As far as food. I’ve been back to my plan this week. Today, I splurged off a little but from Monday - Wednesday I was pretty self-disciplined. My weight tipped up over 140 at the beginning of the week but was down again today to 137. I will be monitoring myself and learning what I can and can’t eat to maintain my weight in the 130’s.
It must be a huge fear for every morbidly obese person who looses their weight... that fear that you’ll gain it back. It is a strong fear for me. It’s like when I eat something sugary and high calorie Or I just eat too huge a portion - I can feel my stomach bloated and yucky. I instantly feel like I’ve gained it all back again right then. It is truly terrifying. Even though I know I haven’t, the yucky feeling inside makes me FEEL like I have. Mind games... gotta learn to control the thoughts. And forgive mistakes so I can move on and not keep making the same ones. It’s all in the journey!
This week I made some tuna steaks using this recipe. Yum! (Yes, I’m in maintenance so I treat myself to pineapple now). Also, I like these teriyaki chicken from Costco (pre-cooked). Great to put on my salad - fast and simple and tasty.
Take care my friends!! Life is good!
XoXOxo ~Margene
