Color Me RAD

Last Saturday was the Color Me Rad 5k run!  Wow, I think this is going to become a tradition.  My daughter and my friend and I all did this together.  We ran and walked (it was more important to me to share this experience with my ladies than to run it the whole way through which I could have easily done).

All clean and white before the run - holding our color packs.

 It was super fun!!  And my friend's first 5k ever.  She did fantastic!  And I always LOVE having my daughter join me on stuff like this.  I'm such a lucky mom!

Me and my girl - Don't mess with us! ;)

Brent is ROCKIN' the plan and LOST 9 Pounds last week.  

BOOYA to him! 

He's been really making that effort to stick to plan now.  I'm so thankful he's in a place right now to be able to do that.  We are going to run a 5K together in July.  It'll be super sweet!  Love my man.

I think I've turned a corner as far as my "train wreck" situation below.  Making that video "Love Never Fails" was really healing for me and allowed me to express my love to my family and friends - and to feel it as well.  I really appreciate all the comments and encouragement I have received, and especially the prayers in my behalf - thank you!!  Sharon's comment really hit me - and I think she was inspired.  Thanks Sharon!  I've never gone through anything like this before and it really is the most hardest and painful thing -  YET because of where I've come from already and SEEING what the Lord has done for me, I KNOW so much more now WHO I really am and that HE does really love and help me.

I will NOT turn to food for comfort.

I will NOT berate myself.

I WILL look for my blessings EVERY DAY.

I WILL adopt and ATTITUDE of GRATITUDE.  :)

Grateful people are Happy People!

(It's funny how my blog becomes my own pep talk!)  

Whatever you are facing... FACE it with FAITH and COURAGE!

Life is GOOOOOOOD!!

~Margene XoXoxOxO

I gave in!

I've been keeping busy and keeping myself occupied. 

But These last two days I hit a wall.  And I gave in. 

  

I didn't give in to any junk food or off-plan food, actually my appetite is not there much. 

  

I submitted to my heartache and sorrow from my recent train wreck.  It's been two days full of raw emotion.  God knows all the effort and changes in my life I've made to do and be a better person and how I have been putting the feelings of others ahead of my own.  He knows!!  

So why do I have to be blindsided (again) from someone so dear to me?  It was aimed purposely at my weakest spot.  I honestly cannot think of a single thing I have done that was mean, out of line, offensive, overdone, smothering, or wrong.  How can someone throw a true friend away?  Aren't friendships worth fixing?  I am treated like I am an enemy.   Like there is nothing good about me to warrant any kind of contact with me.

Yet, it's not even an option for me to be bitter against her because I don't want to go that route.  Maybe I miss a friend that was never really my friend.  I will need Divine help to find peace or healing from this.

As this situation has left me feeling so cold, unwanted and unloved - I've been grasping for the love that my Savior has for me.   I've thought of my parents on the other side of the veil, and how surely they are watching me and would comfort me if they could.  And my own loving husband who has always been there for me, I know he loves me.  I do have people who stand by me and haven't just walked away.  

I've been listening to a song called "Love Never Fails" by Mercy River.  This song seems to speak in music, what my heart feels.  I know that Love is what really matters. Love is what will come through in the end.  I want to fill my heart with love, not with sorrow.  I feel SO much love, joy, and happiness for each of family and friends - including my blogger friends.

Today, I made a video to this song "Love Never Fails" because I felt like the song could say what my heart cannot.  That I'm CHOOSING the path of love. I'd like to share that video in this post - I think it's worth watching.  I've dedicated it to my parents, my family, and all my friends!

I want to live with NO REGRETS. 

I want to live my life showing my love to others.  

I always regretting not showing my love to my mother and then she passed away.  And that didn't hurt her as much as it has hurt me.  With-holding our love from others really hurts US in the end.
  

So, NO REGRETS.   

Forgive those that hurt me.   

Forgive myself.
Move on.

Life is GOOD

~Margene

Hard Lessons - Sweet Rewards

Hello friends!

I have been avoiding posting recently as I have been wanting to get myself in a better place emotionally.  I’m not doing terribly bad or anything but I have been struggling over the train wreck situation I mentioned in my previous post and I really don’t want all my posts to detail my heartache over this.  The level of rejection and efforts she's gone through to eradicate me from her life is astounding.  Needless to say, it’s been one of my most painful experiences.  I will be mourning this loss of my friend for some time. BUT, I am moving on and there are many wonderful things in my path. 

My husband is also finally ready to begin again so he can FINISH his weight loss journey.  Stress and anxiety has been his biggest hurdle and he’s at a place now where he feels he can focus on getting the rest of his weight off.  So I am right there with him and we’re going to DO THIS!!

I have also been totally LOVING the indoor rock climbing!  Wow, it’s SOOO fun!  Brent came the other day and watched me and my daughter climb.  It was fun to have him watch me and of course, I wanted to climb the harder walls to show him what I could do. 

 The first wall I climbed to show Brent - I am on the left side

On to more walls...

 These walls are 35 feet tall.

left pic - I am at the top!! 

right pic - I love the challenge tackling an angle

 Reaching the top every time is awesome!

My hands get all red and blistered after 2 hours of climbing! 

I wanted to amaze him and think I did.  I did actually fall for the first time (but my daughter was belaying me so I didn’t really fall down) but I was on a wall that was at a VERY STEEP angle and I jumped for a new hand hold and missed it and went swinging off the wall.  My heart almost leaped out of my chest as I haven’t done that before.  It was a thrilling scare though. When you do jump for that hand hold and actually get it, it’s such an adrenaline rush to actually DO IT!  At least for me.

And - even tho I am very bummed NOT to go to Oregon and run my first 1/2 marathon.... I have taken the advice to find one here and still run one.  

SOOOO, I signed up for a half marathon here in UTAH!!

I won’t be stopped from my goals!  And my running buddy is gonna run it with me.  It'll be in July.  Very cool.  PLUS - Brent wants us to do a 5K together this summer so he has something to train for.  That is cool.  I haven’t run with my hubs at all yet!  Can’t wait for that.  I also hope to do some biking this summer.

THIS saturday, my daughter and I are running a COLOR RUN 5k called Color Me Rad.  We will get blasted with colors at certain points during the run.  It will be so fun and memorable.  

So, even with a painful heartbreak, I can move on, I can seek those who do value me and my friendship, and I can forgive and let things go.  For me, I’m wanting to balance my FAITH in the future and what God can do, with ACCEPTANCE for how things are now.  And with that faith, I have to realize that everyone has their free agency to make their own choices.  And I have my free agency to CHOOSE to see the BEST in myself and others.

Hard, Hard, Hard lessons!!  

But Sweet, Sweet, Sweet rewards.  

LIFE IS GOOD!

XooXoxo ~Margene

Times that HIT you like a TRAIN...

There are certain times in your life that hit you so strong that you feel like a train ran over you.  Times that can feel so overwhelming and are so painful, you can’t imagine how you will get through it.  It may seem like too much to bear.  Your mind can’t comprehend or wrap around why or what is the purpose or how could you have prevented it.

We will all have these times, maybe even MANY of these times in our lives.  

And it’s not so much WHAT it is, but HOW we handle it.  (or so we’re told :)

I had one of these times this week.

A friend who I’ve known for many years and who is most dear to me, ended her friendship with me in a very unkind way and giving me no opportunity to respond.  She has been a huge part of my life and my journey.  She was that friend I found after years of prayers.  My heart is so broken.  I have worked to make sense of this and it just boggles my mind.  I have been turning to my Heavenly Father in much prayer.  

Although my head has been swimming with all the repercussions this brings and how it will affect me and my family and everything that will be different now - as this friend was like a sister to me and we all love her family as well, I see myself tempted to slip under and allow myself to go back into that negative thinking, self loathing, and into that depressing exclusion from life.  It would be so easy to stay in my room all day crying...

Yet I know I can’t do that.  I don’t want to do that.  I refuse to be a victim here.

I do love deeply and sincerely and I am a fiercely loyal friend and I have to allow myself to feel this pain - and then find a way to give it to my Savior and move on.  I have to accept that all the questions I have will have to wait.  

That ONE DAY it will make sense and 

things will be made right. 

I have to trust HIM.  HE knows my heart.  

HE knows my worth.

I have to believe that this 

is NOT a reflection on me and my worth!  

I truly have been a good, kind, loving and forgiving friend.  

I’m not perfect, but I am WORTH KEEPING.  

I did not deserve this.

It is humbling and painful to see that my friend really saw me more of an obligation and burden.  

She did not really see me for who I am or value me or my friendship.

And I can forgive her.  

That’s what friends do, right?   

A true friend will forgive and love even when it’s not returned.  

A true friend loveth at all times.  

A true friend would not turn bitter.  

And that’s what I want to be more than ever.  

That true friend.  

But it hurts soooo bad!  My heart was so invested. 

So some of my plans have been thrown off.  A big part of my connection to Oregon has just been severed.  I am no longer running the 1/2 marathon next month as I was going there to run it with her and she does not want to see me. :( 

EVERYTHING is changed now.  

I guess this is God’s way of giving me a NEW DIRECTION.  It’s a very painful way, but HE loves me and I have to believe that where one door is closed - a new door will be opened.  I have an incredible husband and family who love and appreciate me and they mean everything to me.  

The worth of every soul is great.  We don’t always treat each other or even ourselves as if we are of great worth, but we are!  I hope I can do better at treating everyone like Jesus would.

And now on to things I’m Thankful For:

FIRST:

I finally have a running buddy!!  Yay!  We’ve gone out 3 times now and seem to increase our time with each run!  We have really good visits too which makes running so much more fun!  This is an answer to my prayers!  This really helps me to keep going out running!

SECOND: 

We had a lovely Easter Sunday.  We had a beatiful singing program at church and I was part of our church choir.  This is the first time I’ve done that as I’m not that great of a singer but I loved the experience.  The music was unbelievable and beautiful!  My daughter sang too, and on one song she played her flute.  She did awesome.  Then we had some fun friends over for sunday dinner and games.  Good Times!  And - I avoided Easter Candy!!!  

THIRD:

It is Spring Break here and so my kids have been home with me and it’s been fun.  It’s actually really good for me to have them here so I am not alone!!  Yesterday, my daughter and I went INDOOR ROCK CLIMBING!  I’ve been wanting to do that forever since I first tried a little wall after reaching my goal weight.  We used a groupon and we have unlimited visits for two weeks!  So we’ll be going back.  Good Times!  (Note to self... do not wear jeans next time!)

Even during the deepest trials of life, we know inside that it is all good, and we can overcome anything by turning to HIM who loves us and is there to help us, always!  This is my anchor right now. 

LIFE IS GOOD!

~Margene

Just a step away

I didn't go running yesterday.  Nope!  

Not ONLY that but I stayed up late with my kids PLAYING GAMES!

It was a school night, mind you, and I even ALLOWED by 6th grader 

to play games with us until after 12:30 AM!!!

I am SOOO naughty!

(The hubs was smart and already in bed) 

Irresponsible mother here!  I admit it.  

(Yet somehow I'm okay with that)

But I have been feeling some struggles and lying in bed at night is when my mind can get carried away into the negative.  I still fight it.  Playing games was a welcome and fun distraction.


This all stemmed from my girls trip last month when I had a game night with friends.  We played "spoons" and "scum" and now I play that with my kids almost every day!

So this morning we had our 6am scripture study which I dragged myself out for and then plopped right back into bed.  I knew I should run but I was tired and felt yucky (emotionally).  I work for my brother on the computer for several hours a day and I knew I only had a certain time-frame to get a run in before I'd need to go to work.  But I decided to just stay in bed.

There were many things that hit my mind - almost like I was being tested if I would do what I should do and not what I felt like doing.  I let every thought that told me to get up just slip away and I stayed in bed.

Until... my brother called and set back my time to work until noon.  I could sleep two hours if I wanted!  NICE!

 BUT I couldn't enjoy it.  It was like I knew the Lord gave me this extra time to help me make the right decision.  

So I stopped THINKING and RATIONALIZING and just got up and went running!  

Another run that almost wasn't!

Of course after I got out, it felt great.  The sun was out, the weather was warm with just enough breeze for me to have my jacket and hat on.  Perfect really.  Gorgeous views!  I ran up the mountain part way again.  That always whips me!  Burn baby!

Running is really just a step away.  But so easily can I just disregard it and fall back into old habits.  I'm thankful today that I JUST DID IT!  I'm still slow but at least I go!

JUST DO IT!  

Feels so much better when you do!

(except when it comes to eating poorly - don't do that - that feels yucky! :)

~Margene

What really causes heart disease

My mother died of heart disease... and HER mother died of heart disease.

A family member shared this recent article from a heart surgeon about what really causes heart disease... and what is amazing is this information is ALSO in Dr. Anderson's Habits of Health - which is the foundation of the program Take Shape For Life.  He is also a surgeon who has been speaking out on THESE SAMES THINGS!

This is what I want to BREAK THE TREND in my family and stop heart disease from taking us way too soon.  My mom was only 56 and that is TOO YOUNG!

Just wanted to share that article - it's not too long and well worth reading.  :)
~Margene