Believing it's Possible is half the battle / Take Shape For Life Weight Loss & Maintenance

Virtual 5K - Who's with us?

2012-02-10T11:38:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday morning, I slithered out of bed and ran on my treadmill for over 40 minutes... stopping only once! I was hoping that I had run over 3 miles but not quite. One thing I noticed is that I forgot to put on my knee braces. Oopsy... glad my knees seemed to be okay.

The killer was that in the afternoon, I also had a basketball practice - which I love. So there I was at practice and we do a full court run guarding and passing and I was hustling when... BAM... my legs started hurting and were on FIRE. I must have really pushed them that morning and then at practice. They hurt for the rest of the day and the next as well. For the first time I was taking quite a bit of pain killer just for my legs.
Gives new meaning to "feel the burn" for me.

So as this morning approached, I was even more apprehensive to run as my legs were still sore. Yet I somehow dragged my behind out of bed today and made myself get all ready to run.

Dang, it's getting harder to do but I can't let myself stop! So, I went to run outside today for a change and my kids had taken my ipod off the charger to play their own, and mine was dead. Drat! So... down to the treadmill again I went. (I think running alone and in silence would be torture)...

So I put on some movie on Netflix I hadn't seen before and ran.

I ran for 52 minutes!!! Only walking one time for about 20 seconds.

BOOYA.

I was thrilled to see I ran over 3 miles!! 5K baby!!

I kept singing the song "Whole Wild World" in my head as I ran. (may not be the exact words)

I'm gonna walk 100 miles
I'm gonna whistle all the while
If that's what it takes to make me smile
I'm gonna walk 100 miles

I'm gonna run right up this hill
Impossible as it may feel
If I gotta take a break I will
I'm gonna run right up this hill

I wanna hold the whole wide world
Right here in my open hands
Maybe I'm just a little girl
A little girl with great big plans

I love how the words of that song appeal to my sense of JUST DOING IT ("I'm gonna run..."). Yes, I am just a little girl... in the scheme of life... but a little girl WITH GREAT BIG PLANS. I love that!

SO... My wonderful blogger friend, TORI, is having: Tori's Febtastic 1st Annual Virtual fun Run/Walk this month for anyone who wants to join in. It's between Feb. 12 to Feb 29 you take a day and call it your virtual 5k fun run/walk... blog about it and take pics if you want and share it. I love that idea! Check out her blog for more info. If we don't have someone to walk or run with, we can do it together "Virtually". Coolness. You wanna join us?

I want to thank my friends and blogger buddies for your awesome support and encouraging words. I just really appreciate reading them... sometimes your words come at just the time I need to hear them. ((((Hugs)))) to each of you!

Life is GOOD!

XoxoXO ~Margene

Sometimes You Wanna Climb BACK into Bed!!

2012-02-07T11:52:00.000-07:00

Thanks for your comment, Julie, and for asking how things are going. It’s nice to know someone is thinking of me. I enjoy that extra push to update my blog as it’s actually one of the FUN things to do in my day.

My new running shoes are working out GREAT! And I haven’t missed a training run yet. I run M/W/F. Lately all my runs are on the treadmill (so boring). Last Wed I ran 6 sets of 7 minutes with the last set bumped to 8 minutes.

Then Friday I ran 4 sets of 10 minutes.

Monday was hard! I sat in my bed NOT wanting to get up. I contemplated for a good 5 minutes the consequences of not running, why I am running, do I really want to run, etc. Then I just stopped thinking and got up and did it. Too much thinking can not be good sometimes.

I put on the movie “Groundhog Day” - which isn’t the best movie to watch when you’re running as it just repeats itself. However, I ran two sets: 15 minutes and then 24 minutes! It wasn’t quite 3 miles but it was the long sets that I felt good about. And I DID IT. I could have stayed in bed and nothing but my own will power made me get up and run. That at least gives me power over myself!

I think I’m ready to run a 5k straight through now... if I don’t second think myself to death. I pray to find a running buddy!! I pray to find more buddies, period!

Last Friday was a double whammy run day for me as well. Our church women’s basketball team played our first real game and we won 25-24. Wow, was that a totally fun work out. There was a very aggressive player on the other team and I wanted to guard her. I felt so riled up to STOP her momentum and be that player that reined her in. Defense has always been my strength in bb. I also realized that I am probably 10 years OLDER than everyone else playing... which is weird because I actually don’t feel that way! My pedometer showed that I ran for 2 miles during that game alone! That is a fun way to rack up the steps.

I certainly have my obstacles to break through lately... as we all do. Things I wish I weren’t so tender and sensitive about. Longings of my heart that just bring me heartache. Yesterday was a hard day for me and by the end of the day I was depleted of joy and just sad. So I gave in and allowed Brent to take me and my daughter for a frozen yogurt at 9pm at night. I loaded up that yogurt cup too and savored every last bite. I knew I’d feel guilty later, because it wasn’t on my plan. I was trying to hold off having a frozen yogurt until my gal trip to Oregon next month. And do I really need a frozen yogurt to cheer me up? (I don’t want to answer that right now...)

So there you have it. Life is hard, life is painful, sometimes you may want to just climb back into bed.... YET Life is still SOO GOOD and SOO worth Living!!

~XoxoXO Margene

Struggles Make The Prize Greater...

2012-01-31T10:47:00.000-07:00

I am not one who likes to struggle or suffer or be full of heartache! I don’t like feeling like a mis-fit or friendless or lonely or ugly or fat or unwanted! I absolutely detest feeling like a 3rd wheel or forgotten or unappreciated or insignificant! I hate feeling like I have no value and that my life is of little worth to anyone!

Who does?

(okay, that might be a question for a psychiatrist).

Yet I have felt (and often still feel) many of those things...

Life is so ironic, though! I see that because of my struggles - my triumphs have HUGE meaning to me. The times I overcome and conquer those feelings have been the SWEETEST of victories - even tho they may be seemingly small.

Perhaps what seems small to us, are viewed as HUMONGOUS strides to the angels who watch us! Perhaps the obstacles in this life - swimming upstream so to speak - make any upward movement, no matter how small, a triumph worth celebrating! I am convinced this is true.

I overcame some things this week. I overcame extreme guilt and self-anger at indulging in two servings of a high-sugar dessert I hadn’t planned. I overcame self-pity at having no running buddy. I overcame some lonely feelings and sadness that no friend called me when I really wanted it. I overcame the hurts I felt from some family members. I overcame some self-doubts I was having...

I can forgive myself.

I can forgive others.

I can keep moving forward.

I can SMILE everyday at the Goodness that is in my life!!

I have my life back! I have my health back. I can run. I can ride my bike. My relationship with my kids is so much better. I have the most amazing supportive husband ever! I have a stronger relationship with my Savior, Jesus Christ. I know He suffered for me and I am of great worth to Him! I have wonderful friends in my life.

My life is a Miracle!

I have what my mother didn’t have... a SECOND CHANCE!

(She died at 56 from heart disease)

I will take it
and live in HER honor

and become that daughter that is worthy to bear her name!

I have to post this video... that reminds me how much greater the prize is - because of what we go through to get it! NEVER GIVE UP!

What Do you Do if You FALL? - CLICK and Watch THIS VIDEO!

Updates:

I am Loving playing basketball again - even tho I’m the oldest one there by like 10 years (didn’t even realize that till I thought about it). It’s okay... I’m living my life and excited I can play!

Got some running shoes! (I took back my Costco ones) I went to a running store and got “fit” for these and I’m so glad I did. I learned some tips on running and how to avoid knee damage. So far this time in training, my knees have not been hurting at all! So happy about that. I still wear knee supports every time I run or play bb because I don’t want to damage them.

I have been ROCKING IT with my running. Went last Friday and ran 10 sets of 4 minutes with the last 2 sets I pushed to 5 and then 7 minutes. I ran nearly 4 miles! Yesterday (Monday), I ran on the treadmill and did 8 sets of running for 5 and 6 minutes. I am getting close to being able to run longer periods without having to stop and walk. It's kicking my tushie but it feels fabulous to be able to increase that time. BOOYA!

Also, I am now the Young Women Camp Director for our church group! I get to head up girls camp this year! So excited - it’s going to be so fun to be there with my girls again! My plate is getting fuller all the time but it’s all good and I love it!!

LIFE IS GOOD!

How are YOU celebrating YOUR life?

Opposition...

2012-01-25T15:41:00.000-07:00

Dang that opposition!

Well.... I lost my running body.... errr, I mean buddy.

So many things ran through my mind this morning as lay in my bed under my electric blanket with my little dog Zoey all cuddled up to me. This 1/2 marathon I’ve signed up for in May.... it’s in Oregon. I’m already going to Oregon with my girls in March. I am happy to make another trip because I LOVE Oregon and all our friends there. I am so excited to see them!

However,

The friend I signed up to run with is probably not as committed to running the whole thing as I am. No other friends in Oregon are interested in running this with me. This means I’ll most likely be running it alone all the way up in Oregon.
There is no one to run any 1/2 marathons in Utah with me here.
There is no one to TRAIN with here!
I have always struggled with motivation to exercise... I’m sure this contributes to why I was so heavy for so long. I’d practically rather have a root canal than go running in the past. I’m trying to change that. But it’s SO hard on my own. Running with someone makes it go faster and is SO much more enjoyable.
It was cold and snowy out today and it felt so much better in bed.
Our car is broken, I’ve been stranded for over a week, I feel bummed!
My daughter was mean to me & hurt my feelings the other day (throwing this one in for good measure!)
I feel lonely and somewhat of a mis-fit (What else is new, right?)...

I somehow still dragged myself out of bed and after a little prayer and change of clothes, I opened my front door and began running immediately. My face felt frozen after about 30 seconds.... but I ran. I planned on 10 sets of 3 minute runs. Two minutes was good but that 3rd minute was a work out. On my seventh round, my mp3 player died. I pushed myself and did my last two runs as 4 minutes each only listening to the patter of my feet on the pavement.

BOOYA!!

I put the wrong date - It was Jan 25th 2012 - oopsy

I can’t say that all those thoughts I have listed above went away... but at least I didn’t wallow in them - I went out and did the harder thing! Yay for me. I hope to conquer opposition as it keeps coming to me. Today at least, I didn’t give in.

Life is GOOD!!

XoxOXo ~Margene

Charge!!! (4th day of training)

2012-01-23T11:28:00.000-07:00

Last friday I found a running buddy!! Woo Hoo! What an answer to my prayers. :) So we went running outside in this Utah COLD, but it was good. I always love running outside more.

Not only that, but I also went and played my first BASKETBALL scrimmage here in Utah. I really do suck and can't make many baskets but for some reason I LOVE this game. I ran my heart out and my legs felt like rubber and my chest was burning and it felt so good! It's not like exercise when you find something you love doing!

This morning, my buddy and I went out again. We ran 13 sets of 2 min runs/ 1 min walks. What a great start to the week. Coming home from our run, we both felt like rockstars! I had been tempted to just stay in bed under my electric blanket but I made myself get up. It feels good to take over from what my body wants. Mind over matter, baby!

Life is GOOD!! I hope YOU kick it this week.

XoxoxXO

~Margene

I kicked my own tushie!

2012-01-18T20:06:00.000-07:00

Today was the 2nd day of my running training build up schedule thingy mabob. Whatever you call it.

I began on monday running 1 minute and walking 2 minutes in 13 sets.

Today I bumped myself up to running 1.5 minutes and walking 1.5 minutes and it was WAY more of a workout for me!! I felt the push my 2nd run in and I had 13 runs I was doing.

This is how I remember training last year when I was first running after 20+ years.

That weazing and feeling like you can't make it until the end of the timer - and then dreading when the walking time is over and you have to run again.

Half way through I seriously felt like I was going to vomit.

But I didn't.

I made it.

I could do it.

I've done way harder stuff.

Easy smeazy.... (not really, but it will be)

Feels so good to just DO IT.

Don't think about it so much... just move forward and DO IT!

Friday my sets will be to run 2 minutes and walk 1 minute.
Okay... I'm gonna do it.

It will kick my tushie again but I'm up for a tushie kickin'

Life is GOOD.

Peace out

XOxoX

~Margene

Cookies be gone! I'm gettin' my MOJO ON!!!

2012-01-16T12:17:00.000-07:00

There has been way too much rationalization going on in my mind lately... one more this, and one more that and then I’ll start. My weakness has been those frozen yogurt places that you serve yourself. I mean, they are healthier than ice cream right? And also cookies, which I can’t seem to ever have just one of. I do have a sugar addiction as just a small serving or bite isn’t enough. I have to AVOID it altogether.

But something has to be said for JUST DOING IT!

I can’t just wait until I find motivation.

I must CREATE motivation!

So I made my own training schedule to build myself up to a 5k again in 5 weeks and then I’ll start my 1/2 marathon schedule to build myself up to 13 miles. It’s written down and it’s ready to check off. I also researched and invested in a good pedometer.

Saturday I went to the bridal shower of my lovely niece, and the host of the shower, Emily, has also done TSFL, and now she runs marathons! Rockstar Material! Booya!

How lucky to meet her now! I got some great advice - one being that I really NEED to get good shoes. I think I’ll be taking my Costco shoes back and invest in a pair more fitted to my feet. I need to do that to not risk injury to my knees which are already sensitive due to the years of being heavy.

I also found on Casey’s blog, something I want to post by my mirror and read every day:

Is it possible that I love and rely on food more than I love and rely on God?

God never intended for us to want anything more than we want Him.

Today I started my runs! It’s a simple start but that’s how I started before. I run 1 minute and walk 2 minutes and do it 13 times. It gave me a good work out and toward the end, those 1 minutes runs were starting to push me. It feels good that I just did it.

There are no cookies in the house, and I have lots of good healthy foods available... so I’m good to go. I was thinking today as I was doing my runs, how running just 10 seconds used to spike my heart rate and literally kill me. I am so thankful I can run now! I never want to forget how grateful I am for that... even when I’m pushing it and want to stop.

Life is good!!

How are YOU CREATING your MOJO?

TAG.... You're IT!!

2012-01-14T18:11:00.000-07:00

I got tagged! Thanks Joy!! I know I've been tagged before and didn't make the time to respond but I always feel so flattered when I am tagged.) So here ya go ladies (and gents if any are reading)...

First the rules:

1. Post these rules.

2. You must post 11 random things yourself.

3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post.

4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.

5. Go to their blog and tell them that you've tagged them.

11 Random things about Margene

I have an odd kind of silly humor
I’ve been a mobile dance DJ since I was 14
I’ve made a huge levi quilt by myself
I used to dream of having red curly hair and freckles
I was a Tom-Boy growing up (have 5 brothers)
I love watching Little House on the Prairie
I am the only girl my hubby has ever kissed on the lips!
I cherish friendships - I seek out my “Kindred” spirit friends!
I actually got Lalaloopsy dolls for Christmas (my girls did too) this year
I have held the hand of a loved one while they passed away - two times over!
Would love to go on a cruise with Brent sometime!

Now for the 11 Questions I've been asked to answer:

ONE - If money wasn't an option, what would you really want to do for a living?

Be a motivational speaker, travel, sign up for and do any and all physical activities that I could think of (runs, biking, rock climbing, horse riding, hiking, sky diving, etc.), Help people reach their weight loss goals and financially help if I could too.

TWO - What is the one thing that you are really afraid to do?

Kill big spiders and plunge flooding toilets (oops, that’s two things)

THREE - What brings you the most joy?

Time spent with family and friends. Visiting, playing, parties, get-togethers, games, exercising together... anything like that with family and friends just makes my day!

FOUR - What exercise is your favorite?

Riding my bike!!! (and playing basketball)

FIVE - What is the one thing that pushed you to start your weight loss and fitness plan?

I had given up and was destined to die young like my mother did. I got an answer to my prayer and I knew this would work. I finally began to believe that I could lose all my weight where before it was just too huge of a mountain to climb! So I would say it was God that gave me that answer and that push! I learned that my life has more value than I had ever supposed it did! I hope no one feels as horrible and self-despising as I did!

SIX - What keeps you motivated?

The fear of gaining weight back and going into the prison of obesity! Yes, fear motivates me!!

SEVEN - Who inspires you?

My angel parents who left me a legacy of love, service and integrity. (Plus my first name in a combination of both of their first names, so they are truly apart of me!)

EIGHT - Is there anything holding you back from achieving your dreams? If so, what?

My own self. Fear of loss and rejection - my biggest fears!

NINE - Are you a hugger? When was the last time you got hugged?

Yes... I’m a repressed hugger in that I’ve been afraid (as a heavy person) to hug anyone for fear they would be grossed out by me. I am still cautious about hugging people if I feel that they might not like a hug from me. But I love to get and give them. I have years to make up on that! I got hugged today from Brent and several family members at a bridal shower.

TEN - What would your perfect day look like?

Sunny and warm with family and friends around me. Brent and I just reminisced today about a perfect day we had back when just he and I biked the 26 miles on the Vernonia Trails in Oregon last year. That was a perfect day!

ELEVEN - Are you going to reach your goals? If so, what's your plan?

Yes. Maintain a healthy weight and eating plan. Do as many active and fun things as I can fit in and share it all with my family!

11 Peeps to Tag

(Note - If you want to answer these, consider yourself TAGGED!! And if you are on this list and don’t want to do it - No worries!!!)

11 Questions for You to Answer:

What would be the greatest piece of advice you would give someone at the beginning of their weight loss journey?
What is your biggest fear in life?
What or who has inspired you the most?
If you had $1000. right now with no strings attached - what would you do with it?
If you could do anything you wanted to one day what would it be?
Do you have a BFF and if so - how long have you been friends?
What does friendship mean to you?
What is your favorite healthy food(s)?
What is your favorite exercise or activity?
How do you stay motivated?
Where do you want to be next year at this time?

Life is good!! :)

Hello 2012!

2012-01-12T21:36:00.000-07:00

Hello my friends! Hello 2012! I hope everyone is off to a super charged start for this new year. I am excited for it, myself.

Right now, though, I have a sore throat and swollen glands. I’m downing the vitamin C and garlic which seems to ward off sicknesses for me. But I am having a bit of a struggle finding my MOJO in the short term.

Long term, I have a 1/2 marathon to train for, trip to Oregon with my girls in March, warm Utah summer to look forward to, climbing the mountain here in our valley, and enjoying our new area and life here in Utah.

We were counting up just today how many friends & family parties we've had these last two and a half months and it came to 9 parties/get-togethers at our house! (The latest one was just last night!) How fun is that!

However, in the short term... I’m cold, isolated, and fighting feelings of loneliness. January blues maybe? I’ve got to stop worrying about how to motivate myself and just DO IT!

Life Is Good.

I am So Hugely Blessed!

So, since I’m making knox blox quite often, I decided to buy a bulk amount of the unflavored gelatin. I should have done this long ago! This is gonna last me!!

I also got some running shoes from Costco. Yes, I know I should go in and have an expert get me fitted with the right running shoes, but time and money don’t agree with that right now. These ones seemed to fit well and I think they’ll do fine. So next challenge is to really put these shoes to USE!

Here was my lean and green tonight.

Rotisserie chicken and sauteed zucchini & mushrooms. A quick and yummy meal!

What are you doing to stay motivated?

How to Loath yourself in 9 simple steps

2012-01-01T19:51:00.000-07:00

How to Loath yourself effectively and consistently in 9 simple steps! Guaranteed to work and last for years! You too, can become a self-loathing MASTER!

Negative self-talk. This is the foundation of loathing oneself and you must master this, young padawan! Practice this at night as you lie in bed. Think of all the mistakes you made and stupid things you said and note every tiny detail. Include calling yourself names like dork, idiot, jerk, geek, loser, moron, etc.
Do not make your bed. This is so when you see your bed after getting up, it will look inviting to just slip back in it again. Then proceed with #1 while you lie there thinking that you will sleep. Add a little weeping in for good measure! Get up later with a humongous headache.
Listen to mean people. Imagine that someone like Simon Cowell is there nit picking you after every move you make. Critics are the most smart and correct people ever. Analyze everything you hear them say and take it all very personally and to heart - even if they were referring to someone else.
Meditate on your flaws. Spend hours doing this. Make a list if you need to. Exaggerate them as that will really help in extending your meditations.
Don’t believe any compliments. Better yet, learn to forget they were ever said. After all, most people aren’t honest anyway - at least with their compliments.
Focus on all your failures, even the tiniest of ones. Forget about any successes you’ve had as they were just flukes. Your failures and mistakes reflect the real you. Be sure and relive the most painful ones several times a day!
See through people who are “just being nice”. Most kind things are said only because someone doesn’t want to say what they really think and hurt your feelings. You can bypass that and go right ahead and feel hurt by whatever they say!
Remember that you are the victim. This is essential. Everyone is smarter, has a better job, better family, is more liked, has more friends, is better looking, more fit, more emotionally healthy, has a better house, nicer garden, sweeter car, cooler eyebrows, funnier wit, more beautiful voice, etc. than you. And they are all generally happier without you around. You are only a charity case to others. And remember, if others were only less judgmental, truly caring, saw the good in you (even though you don’t), and treated you with the love and respect you deserve then you might have a shot at being happy! But that will never happen! Consider going outside and eating a worm, but then, feel bad because that worm could be ingested by anyone better than you!
Develop the “who cares” attitude. Since you are nothing in the totem pole of life, you might a well not waste your energy on anything fun or productive. Go ahead and let your house get messy, who cares? Go ahead and not wear make-up or put on any nice clothes, who cares anyway? It’s not like anyone is going to notice or that it will change your circumstances (see #8), so why waste that energy? It makes more sense to plant yourself in front of the TV and enjoy a big bowl of ice cream, fresh baked brownies or better yet, both! Who cares, right?

Okay, so this sounds absurd and silly - but for me it’s been a reality not that long ago.

Even after striving to have a close relationship with God, I still sometimes fall into this negative thinking. And what the truth really is: It is all a big LIE. I have learned for myself that all these negative thoughts I’ve believed about myself have all been LIES. All of them!! Whatever I give my belief to, I give my power to. So, I refuse to believe it anymore!

Now, if by chance you DO NOT want to become a self-loathing master - or maybe you are a master and want to loose those self-loathing skills... here are the 4 tips that have helped me:

1. Pray. First and foremost for me has been to pray for help! Things had to get bad enough, I had to feel desperate enough and basically be miserable enough to lay it all out before my Maker and be willing to work my way out of this deep pit. I needed help to do that. I made prayer a huge part of that. Sometimes praying several times a day - even several times an hour sometimes. This has become the core of my strength to overcome.

2. Read Positive books. The scriptures are a great start and also other good books that build you up. It’s about creating NEW PATHWAYS in your thinking so you practice filtering out those negative thoughts. I found the book: The 4:8 Principle by Tommy Newberry to really help me change the way I think. I put quotes from this book all over my room and house to read every day and remember how I want to change my perspective in given situations.

Some of my favorite quotes from this book are:

Marinate in the solutions to my problems
I can build any virtue into my mentality by dwelling on that virtue every single day
Whatever I give my attention to expands in my experience. I will experience more of whatever I dwell upon
Stuff happens - move on. Never let an old wound fester due to excessive attention
Forget failures and relive my joys
Become a forgiveness machine!
Joy NOW - live each hour as if my full potential has already materialized. Proceed moment by moment with the attitude I would have if my most heartfelt prayers have already been answered.
Look with eyes of Faith - see what wold be if I would change my attitude and allow God to work in the situation.
Behave as if my prayers have already been answered.
Speak only what I seek
Do my words emphasize my blessings or my worries?
Do not talk about myself as the person I no longer desire to be. Avoid making repeated, passing references to my mistakes and fears. Cast out all self-deprecating remarks.
How would the future me respond? Imagine myself with the habits I would have if I were already living my best life.
Whatever I dwell on becomes increasingly prominent in my own mind. I will always feel what I dwell on. Whatever I focus on, I am going to experience.
Replace negative thoughts with thoughts of gratitude
Extinguish negative thinking by not feeding it. Refuse to nourish negative thoughts or give them any attention.
I am Responsible
Always give the other person the benefit of the doubt
Each moment is a new beginning

Other books that have proven very helpful to me are:

Wake up to a Happier Life - Amanda Dickson

Stop whining, Start Living - Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Life is Short - Wear your Party Pants - Loretta Laroche

Boundaries - Cloud & Townsend

3. Listen to Positive Music. I love inspirational music. I also love a huge array of pop and rock music. I can easily get caught up listening to my many playlists, yet I find that when I listen to my inspirational music during the day - I seem to find it easier to think positive and to feel the Lord’s influence in my life. I gain more power to overcome the negative thoughts.

4. Seek Counseling. I am a firm believer that there are times when we each need to talk to a professional counselor or therapist. This may be especially true if struggling with thoughts of depression. Sometimes we do need professional help and that is no negative reflection on ourselves - but just the fact that life is hard.

I’ve actually had this post written for over a year - but it’s been too close to home to publish until now.

There is power in believing. There is power in Faith. (This is why I named my blog what I have). This has been a bigger battle to me than even losing my weight, and it goes hand in hand with it actually. As I let my weight go, I am working on letting these old beliefs go. I choose to listen to the source of all good, who made me in His image and who has born my griefs and heartaches, even my savior Jesus Christ. I hope anyone reading this who has any of these self-loathing tendencies like the ones listed above can let them go too, and learn to see the beauty in yourself and to love yourself, and to know WHO you really are. Self-loathing is a painful suffering that I have worked SO hard in overcoming. I pray that others who suffer from this can overcome as well! Life is SO good and Life is TOO short to waste feeling negative!!

Twas the Day(s) after Christmas....

2011-12-28T13:57:00.000-07:00

We had a wonderful, cozy Christmas as a family in our new home. Brent had a couple days off and we goofed off and even went to a new frozen yogurt place and all splurged on our own concoctions!

I have to say, that this Christmas time, I gave myself permission to indulge a little with some of the sweets and yummy treats that were around. Last year I was in "weight loss" mode and stayed true to the plan, so this year I decided to allow myself some freedoms.

BUT... I have learned that I am apt to take TOO much freedom and I have the tendency to become like a child left alone in a candy store.

I am now back ON PLAN and it's amazing how I suddenly feel more in control and even more of a sense of security of knowing the path that I'm on. It really is like hopping onto another path. I already feel more energy from eating better and even more cheerful. In the past, I would have ignored those feelings of over-indulgence and rationalized them away and continued to overeat. I'm so grateful for what I've learned!!

I really like this poem I read and it seems to fit perfectly:

T’was The Day After Christmas

(By Delia McLaughlin)

T’was the day after Christmas, I had put on 10 lbs
By eating the food that was always around.
My stockings were tight, the seams they were busting,
From the constant barrage of food I was lusting.

My husband and children whose clothes were snug too
Pleaded with me to try something new.
The only thing that fit was my stretch stocking cap
And between my shirt and my pants there was a huge gap.

I had endlessly and repeatedly licked every platter
And never before had it really even mattered.
I avoided all mirrors, ran by them in a dash
So I just couldn’t see the tight fitting sash.

Tired of wearing those triple X sizes,
I had to do something as the scale number rises.
When a friend offered to help me, I shouted
“GIVE ME RELIEF from the munchies” resounded.

When relief came, it was so incredibly quick,
And now I no longer feel lethargic and sick.
I began losing the weight without all the strife
Because my health coach introduced me to Take Shape For Life!

Now pancakes and brownies, chili and eggs,
I’m beginning to see the bones in my legs!
Oatmeal, sloppy Joes, nacho cheese puffs
That health coach of mine really knows her stuff!

This eating small meals every 3 hours
Has helped me lose weight and now I encounter
Compliments from everywhere imaginable
It’s so unreal – almost unfathomable!

The fat is melting – it seems to go POOF!
And the energy I’ve gained has gone through the roof!
The sizes get smaller as the scale shows less
And now my health is no longer a mess.

My eating is healthier; I’ve changed the bad habits
And the weight I’ve lost won’t be recounted!
For my lifestyle is changing – my food choices now healthy
And used for refueling, not making me like jelly.

My eyes now twinkle and I’m truly so happy
That I want all my friends to join me real snappy
So we will all reach that healthy goal weight
And enjoy this new feeling I’m having today.

For the first time in decades, I like my new self
And breathing is easier when I put on my belt.
Mirrors are now my next new best friend
Admiring the new shape and curves that extend.

Try as I did for too many years
Without much success and a whole lot of tears
Losing weight has been easy
With a program that teaches.

Now I’m teaching others so they can lose too
And get slim and healthy in Twenty One Two.
Let’s journey together to a thinner new you
So next year you will be happier too.

I'm Excited for 2012! I'm excited to do NEW things! Life is good!
Just 3 more days left of 2011. What kind of year has it been for you?

What YOU gonna do in 2012?

2011-12-14T17:10:00.000-07:00

Hi friends! So our party last Saturday went GREAT! We had over 30 people come and had just enough seating for everyone. (whew!)

The White Elephant Game was a riot!

For some people, hosting a party is stressful, but for me, it's like a "fun energy" that I love! I'm SO THANKFUL we have a home that can accommodate a get-together like that.

I think it really helped us to have this party to get to know our neighbors around here... they all knew each other and it was us that got to see their personalities more in a laid back setting. It was good!

So have you thought about what you want to accomplish or do in 2012?

I have been thinking about it. First, we live in this great little valley, and every day I see this mountain. You can see our group of home down there at the bottom of it.

The other day I decided that I want to climb that mountain! I don't know the name of it, but next summer when it's warmer, I'm gonna climb it! You wanna come climb it with me?

I can't wait to see the other side and take pictures. I want to look at that mountain and know that I conquered it!

Next, I did a crazy thing!

I signed up to run a 1/2 marathon next May in Oregon!!!

AAAAAHHHHHKKKKK!!! I feel so crazy. Alive and Crazy!

I've only run a 5k and that's like 3 miles. A half marathon is 13 miles. I am striving to be a rockstar like my friend, Jennifer, who just ran a half marathon not that long ago. I haven't even been running for a while so I have tons of training to do!

Also, I am going to do some indoor rock climbing! I have only tried it once several months ago but loved it. I posted a video of me climbing here.

I recently got a groupon deal to go unlimited for 2 weeks and I plan to do that sometime early next year. How fun is that!!

Another thing I want to do sometime in 2012 is to ride a horse! I never have done that and even if I wanted to, I was always too heavy. I want to do everything I couldn't do before due to my weight.

And of course, I want to maintain my weight and keep a healthy lifestyle. I look forward to biking when it gets warmer too. And boy do I miss playing basketball like I was with some awesome women back in Oregon. Maybe I can find some here that would want to play with me. It can be hard to get people out of their comfort zones... I already tried to get someone to rock climb with me. But I'm not going to let that stop me from doing those things I'd like to do! I'm going to defy gravity!!

I still feel so blessed and so thankful to be out of my prison. I cry when I hear the song on my video below... I don't want to ever forget where I've been. Freedom from the bondage of obesity is the most liberating and joyful feeling ever for me! No going back!!
LIFE IS GOOD!!
It's NEVER too late to change for the better.

It's December!

2011-12-07T10:08:00.000-07:00

Happy December!!

It’s happy because we make it happy, right?

My friend from Oregon sent me a book after a phone conversation we had where I shared how lonely I felt here...

I had to laugh when I read the title:

It’s by an author that I’ve even met! She’s fun and witty and it has been a nice little read... reminding me that I have the power to overcome and that I can be happy despite my circumstances.

So Brent and I decided to throw a Christmas Party here. It’s this saturday and so far we have about 30 people rsvp that they are coming. Should be way fun! I love party’s and this one includes white elephants and some fun games. I hope to get to know more people and laugh a whole lot in the process! (But not laugh at them, mind you - I’ll laugh next to them!)

I had a dream the other night that I went majorly off plan and ate a bunch of stuff I shouldn’t and was feeling so bad... then I woke up and realized it was a dream! Yay!!! I didn’t even have to go there because it didn’t happen.

Don’t you just LOVE the feeling this time of year? The smiles from friends, the Christmas Music, the good-feeling shows on TV. I am determined to NOT make it about merchandise and shopping. I told my kids that we’re going to have a service auction in our family and to be thinking about acts of service they will want to contribute. They seem upbeat about this. My goal is to really bring in the Spirit of Christ and make it about Him. I am feeling anti-santa this year. Too much Santa... maybe it’s just me but I just don’t see how encouraging my kids to think of everything they want helps them be kind, unselfish people... I still love gift giving, it's just I get tired of seeing and hearing about Santa more than who's birth we're really celebrating!

Okay, I’ll get off my soapbox. I am also determined to stay ON PLAN through the holiday’s. I’ve done this before. I know it’s about focussing on loved ones and not the food. I will give myself options and not be so rigid that I encourage a binge, but mostly I need to keep away from high sugar foods. Hello knox blox!! lol How do you plan to handle your eating choices this month?

Here are some Really Good Tips from Dr. Anderson (co-founder of Take Shape For Life) that I thought were valuable to share. Note the 3 possible ways of dealing with weight loss this season - #3 is NOT an option for me:

Here are some tips to help you. Just think of the Habits of Health!

Work closely with your Health Coach. Contact them at least once a week.
Get clear on what you want: read chapter 4 in “Dr A’s Habits of Health”
Get adequate sleep
Schedule your time: before you go to sleep each night, make a list of things to do for tomorrow. Don’t forget to schedule some quiet time for yourself, even if it is just a 15 minute walk or reading time! Also, get some exercise time in. Again, it can be as simple as a 15 or 30 minute walk.
Be aware of your financial budget and stick to it.
Decrease stress and your exposure to disease: practice good health hygiene such as good hand washing and being aware of people around you. Try to decrease your exposure to sick people!

Weight Loss During This Time

You have 3 possible ways of dealing with your weight goals during this busy time.

Stay on program. Whether on the 5 & 1 weight loss program, transition or maintenance, follow the outlined protocols. This can bring a sense of control to you during this sometimes busy, chaotic time. If you are on the 5 & 1 weight loss phase, you will continue fat burning. This can enable you to have increased energy, positive weight loss results, and level blood sugars and hormone levels through the holidays!
Decide to drop out of fat burn and use a 3 & 3 program, more of a maintenance program. This can help prevent binge eating and major weight gain. You may lose the increased energy of fat burn, but if you are eating healthy choices and portions every 2-3 hours and getting adequate nutrition as well as sleep, you should have enough energy to get through your schedule. Remember, if you have any weight loss, it will be slow. (Read chapters 8, 9, & 10 in “Dr A’s Habits of Health” and do Lesson 9 in “Living a Longer, Healthier Life.”)
Practice “no control, no focus”: you will most likely experience weight gain and many other symptoms of an un-healthy eating plan. Most likely you will have decrease energy and feelings of lethargy or tiredness. If prone, you may experience headaches and may have stomach discomfort. Your body will be exposed to greater stress and inflammation. Your blood sugar levels may have major swings. You will not be in a fat burning state.

Remember, IF YOU ALTER THE PROGRAM, YOU WILL ALTER THE RESULTS.

What are your plans for the holidays? I’d love to hear your ideas.

Life is GOOD. XOXox ~Margene

Check Out My New Video

2011-12-02T23:51:00.000-07:00

What a GREAT time to change your life! Where will you be next year?

Being a Mother - Having a Mother

2011-11-21T16:56:00.000-07:00

I love being a mom! I love it that my kids are older now and I can have meaningful conversations with them and do fun stuff together. Last Friday, my daughters and I went and saw the new Twilight movie (Breaking Dawn part 1). I do have to say, that there was some parts I had them cover their eyes... poor planning on my part for not researching before we went. However, we did have a fabulous gals night out together... shopping at the thrift store and running through the falling snow to the theater.

Which brings me to say...

We had our first SNOW here since we have moved to Utah. Here was the view Saturday morning out our back door.

It has been another one of those hard weeks for me. We were excited to have an OPEN HOUSE now that we own this home and invite all our relatives here from Utah to come. It was just last Saturday. We did a lot of little fix ups and work on the house to get ready. We painted, fixed walls, installed a door, changed out some appliances, fixed a toilet, cleaned.... it was nice to have a reason to get stuff done. And I made a bunch of little appetizers.

A delicious veggie tray with low fat dips, little smokies in a blanket from my own homemade garlic/parmesan dough, muddy buddies (that my daughter made), and this majorly scrumptious pumpkin chocolate chip cake with cream cheese frosting!

We had over 40 people committed to come, yet half way through it - only 2 had shown up. Although, we did have a few more trickle in - (and even well after the time it was supposed to be over) - it was an emotional let down for me which I didn’t expect.

It really boils down to missing my own mother. A mother shares in your joys and in your heartaches like no one else can. Sometimes it feels like such a huge hole in my life to not have my parents here! My kids could sure blossom with their attention and love. It’s hard for anyone to understand unless their parents are gone. I’ve had a relative tell me before to “get over it”... interestingly enough, this person still has their parents closeby. So, it does leave me hesitant to share how it really feels. Most people prefer to stay consumed in their own lives and problems.

Moving here to Utah and working to make a difference here, fit it, contribute at church and school, reach out and show an interest in others and in my extended family...

I really do feel emotionally DRAINED and a bit depleted this week! I need to work on filling my own bucket. I miss my friends in Oregon.... but I can’t lean on them when I am feeling lonely and un-included here. They have all moved on.

So today, although my heart is heavy and low.... I’ve recommitted myself to being STRICTLY on plan (which this past week I was not) and to drink lots of water. Both Brent and I have committed to stay ON PLAN over Thanksgiving. I refuse to turn to food for comfort. I’m having my kids eat the rest of that pumpkin cake... it’s just too good to be left alone with me. :) It’s time to focus on all my blessings which are MANY!

I feel blessed to change the course of my life so that I will be here for my children... I don't want them to suffer the loss of their mother!

How do you plan to spend your Thanksgiving?

XoxoXO ~Margene

KNOX BLOX Queen

2011-11-10T20:46:00.000-07:00

That's me! I love the stuff! I really wish I could mass market these little delights!

Here is my set up in making my next couple batches. Above I have my ingredients ready to make my Strawberry/Banana/Coconut (I am a sucker for coconut) and peach/Mango/Pineapple (a favorite of my daughters). I have my syups and flavorings, sugar free jello, knox unflavored gelatin.

The recipe is simple:

* 6 cups boiling water (if you use sf syrup just minus the amount from the water like 5 cups water + 1 cup sf syrup)
* 6 packets knox gelatin
* 2 big boxes (or 4 smaller boxes) sf jello

Mix together thoroughly - pour into brownie dish and refrigerate for several hours. Cut up and put into little snack baggies if you want. It's about 40 calories per little baggie.

A big hit with my son and his friend who could NOT stop eating my Lime/Banana/Coconut blox.

I love having these low calories, tasty little treats around!

Also, I don't know what it is means, but I just love making kabobs! I didn't ever have them growing up so it's like a special thing.

This was our dinner tonight for just our family.

I know, I know... I made enough for an ARMY!! (lots of yummy left overs)

These are BBQ Teriyaki Pork Kabobs which I made early on in week 12 of my journey and posted about them as well. I don't have a BBQ grill anymore so I just baked them in my oven. I had these pork pieces marinating for 24 hours and skewered them today. I was loving them. My kids liked them. I love the sauce for dipping as well. Yum!

Here's another quick lean and green I did a couple nights ago.

I just sauteed my zucchini, yellow squash and tomatoes with some Mrs. Dash tomato basil seasoning and added my shrimp. I love that added flavor of the tomatoes. For Brent, I made his standard salad with a sprinkle of low fat cheese & Walden Farms Ranch dressing and his 3 Morning Star sausage patties. He loves those patties!

In the next couple days I will be hosting my FIRST GIVEAWAY! I'm excited. Some lucky winner will win some exciting Scrapbooking software. What a way to perserve all those memories and pictures.

Life is Good!! XOXO ~Margene

"Let's Purchase a Home Today"

2011-11-07T20:10:00.000-07:00

That was what Brent texted me this morning!

And we did just that!

We NOW are HOMEOWNERS!

FOR SALE NO MORE

(This blasted "For Sale" sign has been in front of this house since we moved here in July!) I was thrilled to have Brent pull it out tonight! Yee haw!

We signed in the early afternoon and then went to "Lonestar" for an early dinner to celebrate!

Brent has a mesquite grilled chicken salad that he surprisingly enjoyed quite a bit. I had the sirloin and mesquite salmon combo. Wow, I haven't had a steak for over 6 months (and I'm a steak lover). They cooked it a perfect medium which I like, and the salmon was so delicious. I chose a simple salad and steamed broccoli for my "green". We said "no" to the bread and dessert menu and left feeling completely satisfied!

It was 7 years ago that our business went under and we lost our employment, our house, our cars and basically our whole future that we had moved to Oregon for. We moved our family of 6 into an apartment and started over. It was scary and we never felt more alone.

So driving to the Title Company today was quite exciting because of the path we've been on to finally get here. To finally own a home again - and one that gives us some elbow room for our 4 kids and 4 pets. And to finally have pets! No more getting screwed out of our deposits. No more worries about if I put a nail in a wall. No more renting!!!

Our 14 years in Oregon taught us so much! Not only have we come full circle (we started out in Utah), but we have come back with more energy than we left! We are healthier, our bodies are leaner, and our outlook is more positive.

Isn't it ironic how we have to suffer major trials just to learn gratitude? To learn to Trust in God. To learn that we have more power within our beings to make changes than we realize. That we can overcome more than we ever thought possible! Believing it's possible is truly half the battle!

And how much MORE you appreciate a gift when you have gone through so much to get it.

Life is Good. Tonight feels WONDERFUL!

Love to you all! ~Margene

Stand behind me...

2011-11-06T23:14:00.000-07:00

... Temptation!!

Brent and I went on a date last night which included a movie. Upon entering the theater, the smell of that buttered popcorn was so tantalizing. And being that we are closing on our home on Monday, it felt like we should celebrate. We had already just eaten a healthy dinner, so what would be so bad with splurging for some popcorn? I asked Brent and he was like "You want some?", then I was like "I'm having a hard time deciding, what should we do?" Then he just said, "Nope, we don't need that" and it was over! Once that decision was made, the conflict inside was gone!

During the movie, we enjoyed the knox blox I had smuggled in my purse. And upon leaving, I felt so empowered that I didn't give in!

Then today, chocolate chip cookies were made for our kids. Really? Are you going to do this to me? Just smelling them made me start to wonder if I could rationalize eating any. But Brent had the kids gobble them down very quickly and the temptation was gone! I had enjoyed some other wonderful more healthy food!

It really is true, that the more you make good choices and resist unhealthy food, the EASIER it becomes. It's like you empower yourself when you can make that choice NOT to give in! You become in control of your thoughts and actions. And after all, isn't that the biggest obstacle to conquer? It definitely is for me!

The other day, I made this very quick lean and green:

I sliced up a yellow squash in little strips and sautéed it in some light cooking spray and seasoned it with my favorite grinder: Rosemary garlic blend. Then I threw in a caramelized onion chicken burger (from Costco). Quick and satisfying.

Tomorrow is a momentous day... and it's been a Loooooooong time coming. God Bless!! ~Margene

I like to pretend...

2011-11-04T09:38:00.000-06:00

...that we are normal! But it's not true! We are a wacky family mainly due to me and Brent. But I'm okay with that. Some people will see us as immature and they'd be right. My girls alone tell me how weird I am and sometimes their friends don't "get me". But hey, we each march to our own drummer, right?

I mean, both Brent and I are the babies of large families... we have that "baby" perspective. I am growing to like who we are, now. Where for years, I felt... well.... LESS. Funny how losing my weight can help me feel like I am... MORE.

The other day, I got a great deal on some pre-cooked frozen shrimp. So I made this stir-fry dinner (using cooking spray) with some veggies, 7 ounces of shrimp, and my "Wok with Me" orange glaze (which I can't find in Utah - only in Oregon) for my own "Orange Shrimp". Yum.

Lastly, I wanted to post this picture I took from my back porch last night.

We close on this house on Monday!!! We had to take the leaning pergola down from our back porch and now we have this view of the mountain range at night. The pic doesn't do justice to the colors that were there. It was breathtaking! I'm feeling very blessed.

Take care, my friends. Life is Good!!! XoxO ~Margene

How Did I Do?

2011-11-01T16:10:00.000-06:00

We didn't have a single piece of candy or food item off plan through all of Halloween!!! And you know what? I didn't even miss it. I think it helped that I already had decided NOT to so I didn't spend any time pondering the candy, looking at my kids' buckets of treats, or staring at the little cupcakes brought to us.... NOPE.

In the past I would sometimes just "try" to stay on plan yet I still allow myself to think about the food I shouldn't eat or tempt myself until I finally snitched. I just needed to STOP TEMPTING MYSELF. That totally works! I stop allowing the thought of eating it in my mind! Get busy with other fabulous things!

And we did have something FABULOUS: Yesterday we had a family over for a Halloween dinner of my Rosemary Ranch Chicken kabobs which was FABULOUS! (I found the perfect timing to broil them: 5 minutes on one side, then 3 on the other and they come out so tender and moist!)

The guests and kids all LOVED it! Then we played Band Hero and Pit while the kids went trick or treating. It was great focussing on fun instead of the candy and goodies. Plus the lime/banana/coconut knox blox were a HIT to snack on!!

I'm choosing my LIFE over unhealthy foods!

~ Life is GOOD!! ~

NO Candy today - Who's with me?

2011-10-31T09:47:00.000-06:00

Hi friends,

Okay, today is the big day... Halloween. Happy Halloween to ya'll. Today and building up to today, I have promised myself that I would NOT give in to Halloween Candy. NOPE.

It wasn't that long ago that I was snitching more high calorie desserts here and there and was telling Brent how hard it is to NOT eat that stuff. I told him I needed something to help me "take control".

He said something to me that made SO much sense. He said "When you were on plan before you just did it! You simply made that choice." And he is right! The truth is, when I really want to stick to my eating plan, then I DO!

So, it wasn't any certain thing, pill, therapy, etc. that I need to avoid my off plan foods, I simply need to get my head in gear and CHOOSE BEFOREHAND that it is NOT an option. (See previous rationalizing post). So far, no pieces of candy has passed my lips.

But I have enjoyed some awesome new knox blox flavors: Lime/Banana/Coconut, and Raspberry/Mango! I'm enjoying the food I do have, and then not focussing on food at all!

Below are some tips I liked from Dr. Anderson (co-founder of Take Shape For Life):

Well, there are a few helpful tips to remember when your sweet tooth is twitching…..

DO NOT buy any Halloween candy! Or, buy candy that you do not like. It is better to give out small packets of pretzels or play-do or fruit roll ups.
Keep in your mind that there will always be candy, but you are choosing to improve your health right now, and candy will not help you reach your goal!
Make your own fudge cycles by freezing the chocolate shakes.
Freeze crystal light for a fruity, candy-like desert.
Sugar free jell-o is a great candy-like snack (KNOX BLOX!!)
Do not stay at home on Halloween handing out your treats. Instead, grab a bottle of water and take a nighttime walk around the neighborhood to take in all the ghoulish sights!
Bring healthy snacks to work (see Healthy Snack list) to keep from being tempted by candy in the office.
Cut up a Medifast bar and put it in a baggie. Freeze it for a sweet treat later!
A great idea to help keep the piles of candy from going into your children’s body…Have them pick out 5 pieces of candy out of their bag and “buy” the rest of the bag from them for 10 dollars and then take them to the toy store to get a prize! Remember to throw the bags of candy away or give to a shelter!!!!!!
Stay in touch with your Health Coach, he or she can help you stay strong

Remember, a great analogy is the concert pianist… If you were a child, and you wanted to be a concert pianist (primary goal) you would need to practice every day (secondary goal), and make choices that may not be your favorite (not get to play with friends, travel, lessons, miss parties, miss play dates, etc…) But… you would perform these secondary goals if it helps you to reach your primary goal.

Well, we are doing the same thing… our primary goal is to lose weight and get healthy. Some secondary goals are…exercise daily, drink water, stay away from extra carbohydrates and starches, do not drink alcohol, possibly decide not to go to some parties, and do not eat Halloween candy! And we will make these secondary choices because it will help us to reach what is most important to us right now… to lose weight, feel great, and to look and be healthy!!

Halloween 2007 and then 2011

Three P's...

2011-10-21T22:59:00.000-06:00

A new favorite snack or mini-meal I've been enjoying has been to take my low fat cottage cheese and add a little dill weed & garlic powder and then use it as a dip for my favorite veggies, like red peppers. I love it!

I tried a yummy meal the other night. I took some slices of tomatoes and put them in a pan on the stove and sprinkled some light cheddar cheese on them and then grilled them on both sides. I added them to my simple chicken salad here and I was amazed at how TASTY it made it The cheese and chicken were my lean - and then salad, cucumbers and tomatoes my green. The hubs loved it too.

Our doggies are having fun whenever I fire up the treadmill in our room. They love to walk on there with me and sometimes we get it going really fast and offer treats when they keep up the pace. It makes us laugh our heads off to see these cute little wiener dogs just cruising it.

One of our kitty’s (Tommy) got sick and had to be put down. (A very sad story... deserves a separate post, really). But Today we brought home a new kitty from the animal shelter and we named him Mango. So we have Tango & Mango kitties, and Chloe and Zoey doggies. Mango is so mild and has adjusted quickly. Mango is on the left here and Tango is just meeting him and feeling a little apprehensive to have a new kitty in his territory.

It’s amazing how our pets have added to our lives so much and just a little over 3 months ago, we were in another state and had no pets. Our lives have changed so much. We really do love it here in Utah. And..... we are actually set to close on our house within 2 weeks! It’s taken endless months and countless prayers but it looks like it’s going to really happen.

I’ve been thinking lately of three “P’s”.

PERSISTENCE

PATIENCE

PRAYER

When I am struggling in any certain area, I usually need to pick up the slack in one of those 3 P’s. It is extremely applicable to making decisions that affect my health as well. I am well aware that the adversary is always trying to bring back my old habits, and to get me into negative thinking. Sometimes we just have to look at how far we’ve come instead of only seeing little progress in the short range. That is where persistence pays off.

I pray for my blogging friends who may be struggling and discouraged. I pray that you will find the strength to be persistent and also to be patient with yourself and the results you are going for.

Smile!! Life is good. XOXO ~Margene

Heaven from Down Under!

2011-10-15T17:09:00.000-06:00

This week we had a friend visit us from Australia! It was his first time in America and we were thrilled to show him around. He also brought gifts: Cadbury chocolate and other chocolate treats from the land Down Under!!

I looked at Brent and we decided that we'd try a little of this rare treat. And I have to tell you that I thought I'd died and gone to heaven!! The choice to eat a bite or two (or three or four) was a conscious decision yet there ARE times when it's overwhelmingly tempting to eat some high calorie unhealthy food placed in front of me without thinking about it.

Here is what I found from my "Habits of Health" that I've adopted.

It's the STOP, CHALLENGE, and CHOOSE method.

STOP - and think about your goal

CHALLENGE - yourself as to what is more important

CHOOSE - the choice that supports your goal.

This is what I do when I attach a mental picture of myself to every food choice. One picture is of the morbidly obese me, the other is of the me at my goal weight. I choose the food that supports that "goal" of my mental picture. Makes it an easy choice. (It's hard to rationalize when it's a blatant choice like that)

Dr. Anderson also has these steps to follow:

Identify the foods, situations, and feelings that trigger your bad habits. Write them down.
Decide that you are going to learn to control them. Only work on one trigger at a time.
Stop, Challenge, Choose

Be conscious that there are always moments of temptation and then the decision will be made. And the decision maker is you. The choice is yours to make. It is a great feeling to be in charge of your self and your choices.

This week I made Broiled Tilapia Parmesan and it was pretty good. I substituted olive oil for the butter and used less and my family enjoyed it.

Then with our Australian guest, we made taco salad. I used 93% fat free ground beef mixed with ground turkey for the taco meat. While our kids used whole grain tortilla shells - we used iceburg lettuce to wrap our taco's in. Another time we just put it on our bed of lettuce and added some salsa. Delicious!

Weight Loss Story Highlighted on blog

2011-10-09T21:41:00.000-06:00

I was recently contacted by Tiffany at Half Their Size and asked to answer some questions about my journey. She is using this blog to document her own journey as well as highlight stories of those who've lost weight. I thought that was a great idea for inspiration and encouragement and I was honored that she wanted my story.

Hop on over and check it out and maybe even share your own story! :)

Making Meals

2011-10-08T18:19:00.000-06:00

I am actually enjoying getting the hubs back on plan and how it helps me plan the meals and stay on plan myself. We already know what our parameters are so it's not about tempting ourselves into eating certain foods. I love that!

Today we did a Costco run and loaded up on lots of great lean meats and healthy veggies. Our fridge and freezer is stocked and I have several meals I can plan. I love that I only need to worry about the one meal.

The other day I made a huge batch of our Medifast muffins (that I actually do in a brownie pan) and have them all ready for the hubs. And I pre-made my puddings (chocolate w/ sf PB syrup and banana w/ sf coconut syrup). Not that the food need sf syrups, I just have gotten to where I love to explore new flavors.

Then I made or chocolate peanut butter balls out of the Medifast hot cocoa and using pb2. Then I freeze them and we pull them out and defrost when we want to eat them. YUM. I have that recipe posted in the "Medifast Recipe" tab above. I love getting all prepared!

Two days ago, I made these egg, cheese and veggie frittatas. Can you believe one whole pie pan of his is one complete "Lean and Green"? So yummy, especially with salsa, and so filling. I made them with 1.5 cups eggbeaters, small sprinkle of low-fat cheese (1-2 ounces), 1/2 cup zucchini, 1/2 cup mushrooms, garlic powder, s/p -- mix altogether and pour into dish and bake for about 17 minutes at 350. Eat with salsa. (Beware, you may not be able to finish it!)

Last night I made Rosemary Ranch Chicken Kabobs from this recipe and it was SOO delish! I've made this before and was excited to make it again. I like to use my yogurt based bolthouse ranch dressing because it's so creamy and low in calories and fat. That rosemary ranch sauce in this recipe is SO good. I only had zucchini and one bell pepper on hand so those were the veggies I used. I usually skewer the meats and veggies on different sticks because the meat often takes longer to cook.

Before baking (we have no grill right now) After baking

Today I am happy with myself. You see, we don't watch TV but we do have Netflix and so I've started watching the "Lost" series. When I take a break or eat a meal, I'll sit in next to my bed and watch it on our Google TV. Sometimes I'll sit for 2 episodes - long after my meal is done! I've been tellling myself that this is not acceptable, so I procured this free used treadmill today and had Brent move the chair next to my bed and put that treadmill there! Now, if I want to sit and watch my little TV series, then I've got be walking on that treadmill. If I want to watch 2 episodes, that's fine, as long as I'm walking on that treadmill! Yes, it takes up more room and isn't the most decorative, but hey, it gets me moving! I feel so genius!

So now its Brent who has a chair on his side. Maybe I should find him a good used Gazelle somewhere and surprise him!! (tee hee)

And now I leave you with a couple pics of our newest in-house super heroes! These are our little doxies, Zoey and Chloe, and they really add so much fun and spark to our home!

Chloe is a little more hesitant about being a hero if you can tell on her face, though. :)

Have a fabulous, on plan, positive, lots of water drinking weekend!! XOXO ~Margene

PS - Life is GOOOOOOD!

Rationalization

2011-10-06T08:12:00.000-06:00

I have been realizing how much this little word has contributed to my obesity in my past and how it tries to take over my thoughts at times even now. On dictionary.com, the first definition of rationalize is:

to ascribe (one's acts, opinions, etc.) to causes that superficially seem reasonable and valid but that actually are unrelated to the true, possibly unconscious and often less creditable or agreeable causes.

This is a key way that I have sabotaged myself, by basically deceiving myself or allowing myself to be deceived in my choices of what I eat. It’s those thoughts like: This is the last one, I’ll go exercising later and burn these calories off, I’ll start fresh tomorrow, I really deserve this, I’ve had a hard day, it’s just a small bite, it won’t hurt, and on and on.

First and foremost, I’ve had to FACE the fact that I have rationalized my eating choices and that it is NOT ACCEPTABLE anymore. In my mind, I’ve even decided to attach a picture of myself to every food choice. A healthy, on-plan choice will be an image of me at my goal weight and remembering how great it feels. A high-calorie, unhealthy, off-plan food choice will be an image of the past morbidly obese me that was in constant pain and full of self-loathing. The me I NEVER want to go back to.

With each food choice, I am choosing one or the other!

THAT is the plain reality!

The fact is (in my opinion), that the feeling of having no control is a deception! The feelings of being out of control or not being able to conquer a craving or bad choice are real feelings but not based in truth or reality. the TRUTH is, we have a choice! I have a choice as to what I eat, what I think, what I focus on, and how I choose to steer my life. We each have MORE control over our lives than we may realize.

For me, this journey of losing weight and getting into a healthier lifestyle has been even MORE a spiritual journey. I am working on giving into the desires of my spirit over the desires of my body (mind over matter). It’s about “bridling” the appetites and desires (cravings, sabotaging thoughts, etc.) of my physical body and allowing my spirit and the influence God (my Creator) to guide my choices in what is best for me. This is why prayer has been my secret weapon in overcoming. I need to remember that even now!

So those have been my thoughts as of late... as I continually refocus and realign myself to my healthy habits. I will not give in to thoughts of having no control like I used to in my past. I’ve seen for myself that I DO have power to control my thoughts and my choices.

Here is a simple plan that is working for me:

Keep unhealthy (high fat, high calorie) trigger foods OUT of the house and/or OUT of view completely!
Keep lots of healthy on-plan food choices in my house and readily available. Plan ahead of time for going out. Keep healthy snacks with me when out of the house.
Drinks LOTS of water!
Pray every day for strength to overcome temptations & negative thoughts.
Find ways everyday to be active and move my body.

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On a new note - my husband has started back on the Take Shape For Life Plan and we are excited to help him get down to his goal weight! He lost 100 pounds in our quest to change our lives but didn’t quite get to his goal. Then he had to move to Utah for 5 months while the rest of us were in Oregon preparing for the move. With all he suffers from stress and us being several states apart, he put on some of his pounds he lost (20-30). So now that we are back together and settled, it’s time to focus on him. So much of the focus has been on me and getting to my goal weight, having my surgery, running my first 5k, keeping up with my blog, etc. It’s now his time to continue this journey and reach his goal - and then BOTH maintain.

I realize so much moreso now, how much choice and control I DO have over my life. To change things takes EFFORT and WORK, and sometimes we shrink from that. But then down the road, we’ve often only created more work. NOW is the time to take control of our lives! We are worth living a happy and healthy life. If you don’t like your circumstances, then CHANGE them. If you don’t feel that you can, then write down what you need to do and your goals, write down a plan of action and then PRAY everyday to be able to do that. I know for myself that God hears our prayers and does grant us power to overcome our trials!

Rainbow we saw the other day while driving - it goes right into the lake! Gorgeous!

Life is good and SOOO worth it! One good choice at at time.

XOXO ~Margene

Maintenance Meals

2011-09-27T12:30:00.000-06:00

For me, I am thinking that I need to view every meal as a "maintenance meal". Yes, I can splurge when I give myself permission every once in a (long) while, but for the most part, I aim to have my meals:

1. Small in portion

2. Balanced in healthy fats, protein, complex carbs & nutrition

3. Every 3 hours or so

And to drink LOTS of water. Water is SO KEY to losing weight and maintaining a good weight and health! The days I've forgotten this and not had much water have really affected my hunger level as well as my energy level. I am trying to keep that water bottle by me at all times and chug away!

Here is a one of my meals from last week:

A little cup of low fat cottage cheese with fresh pineapple along with half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on my own whole grain wheat bread. Yum! (No, I did not eat the sandwich with the fork!)

What are your favorite "maintenance" type meals you can share with me?

I am up way too late...

2011-09-22T03:50:00.000-06:00

I had to get something printed for my girls before school tomorrow so I came to my computer and I've been on here for like 3 hours! You know how it is, the house is quiet and I actually have time for myself. So I thought I'd take the time to read some blogs and write a post of my own.

I've been reading my blog list posts but haven't commented as much as I used to. I hope all my blogger friends still know I keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

Life is so different and fun and crazy and hectic. I would love to have a best friend here to call and talk about things more often. I find that I crave that interaction and relating. Yet, I am blessed with wonderful friends who tolerate my ramblings and long emails.

Having teens is so much fun, yet it requires SO much emotional effort than when they were little. I have so much more appreciation for my own sweet mother and all she did for me, most of which I did not recognize or truly appreciate until now. I can see that in my own teens now. But they are good kids with strong amazing spirits and I feel blessed to be their mother.

My younger daughter is taking a foods class at school and she is learning to make some tasty things. Things like cookies, brownies, cobblers, pancakes, etc. I have already been guilted into eating some of her delicious creations here at home.

The other day she made cookies and then rainbow cupcakes. All night I thought about how I knew I would eat way too many of those if they were in the house. So I got up early and wrapped all those cookies in little containers and all the cupcakes in a paper bowl. Then, as my kids and husband left for school and work, they each got a goodie bundle to share with their friends and co-workers.

How Brilliant is that? I felt so good! I had successfully thwarted myself from the oppressing GUILT I would have felt AFTER I would have eaten most if not all those sugar bombs had they been left in the house. I was FREE to enjoy my day eating only healthy foods.

Or so I thought...

When my older daughter got home from school, I asked her if she enjoyed sharing the cookies I sent. Now this daughter LOVES to share treats with friends so I was sure she'd have a fun story to tell. But she only shared two cookies and pretty much forgot about the rest of them. I thought she ate the rest herself... but no, they were there in her back pack.

OH NO!!!

DANGER!!!

I was really HUNGRY when she told me that.

Drat! Those cookies were enjoyed by me with a glass of milk and devoured in less than 5 minutes. They were so good. And then I didn't feel so successful anymore. I think my feelings of brilliancy got swallowed with the cookies and milk. (At least it was fat free milk)

If I would have paused for a few minutes to think before I dived into her back pack, I COULD HAVE saved them for when my son got home and quickly gave them to him. Or gone out and tried to find some neighbors I haven't met and introduced myself and gave them the cookies. Heck, we have dogs now so I could have given them to the dogs (except they shouldn't eat choc. chips). I could even have crumbled them up and shoved them down my disposal yet that seems kind of wasteful. They did have some of my whole wheat flour in them. So maybe they were kind of healthy?

No. I can't buy that.

But anyway. Alas, I am so evidently human that I can only laugh. Laughing is funner than crying and crying just gives me a headache anyway! I certainly don't need a headache.

I think I will encourage my daughter to learn to make main dish meals now. Ones that are healthy and nutritious. I certainly would love to taste test those ones. But I am happy she is learning and getting excited about actually doing something in the kitchen. What's a mom to do?

Saturday, my older daughter and I are going on a bike ride with some other young women clear up the valley on a 15 mile trek. I am looking forward to that.

Have a healthy and fabulous weekend my friends. Remember to PLAN ahead and make good healthy choices!! You are worth that. Life is good! XOXO ~Margene

I used it finally...

2011-09-18T22:00:00.000-06:00

My food storage that is! The other day, Brent said that I ought to get out my wheat grinder which has been in storage for over a decade and only used once, and grind some of our wheat from our food storage to make some bread. This was after I bought a bread machine at a yard sale for only $2. Normally, I'd think I don't have time for that, but this time, I thought it was a fabulous idea!

You know what? Yard sales here here in Utah have WAY CHEAP stuff compared to Oregon!! So, the next week I picked up another bread machine for $2. (So I have two now) I've been grinding my own wheat and making my own bread now for over a week! I feel like such a good mommy and wife! :) Good healthy bread these days are so expensive so I know I'm saving us some money, too!

And oh, how good that bread tastes without preservatives and with fresh, simple ingredients! No high fructose corn syrup and no "enriched flour" but all good stuff! My kids don't know how lucky they are. I've also added a couple tablespoons of flaxseed in them for some good fiber too.

I even have used my freshly ground wheat flour in making some Pumpkin Pancakes! Wow, they were good. Add a little Walden Farms Sugar free syrup and they were to die for! I got this recipe from my friend at Pocket Full of Pink (way cute crafts) where she posted this Whole Wheat Banana Pancakes recipe - and I just changed the bananas to a can of pumpkin. This is really worth trying!

Today, I made a favorite of Brent's that I haven't made since before our weight loss journey. And that is roasted potatoes! I mixed them with some onions and used this recipe, and baked them laid out on a cookie sheet at 375 for about 50 minutes and they were so yummy. Brent loved them!

I also made baked chicken using this marinade recipe and it was very tasty. I marinaded them for several hours and then baked them on the broiler rack for about 25 min. at 350. I like using recipes that have lots of good ratings and feedback. :)

One day at a time... one healthy choice at a time. All things in MODERATION! And move your body MORE! That's my mantra this week. God bless you my friends! XOXO ~Margene

PS - Life is GOOD! :)

Choices

2011-09-11T20:08:00.000-06:00

We had our first real “vacation” type experience this year just yesterday as we took our kids to LAGOON amusement park. The last time we were there was in 2007 - 4 years ago. We scoured the park all day long and stayed until closing and had a fabulous time that we didn’t want to end. We stayed through the heat and then the rain until they kicked us out!

Lagoon 2007 Lagoon 2010

LAST time I was there in 2007, I remember NOT going on most of the rides and being TIRED much of the time. THIS time it was a blast! We went from thrill ride to thrill ride and I even rode the coaster “Wicked” which I was too scared to even think about last time. I rode it with my girls 3 times.

What a rush! I really think I could get into thrill coasters. Now I’m thinking about planning a trip to Magic Mountain! After going on a ride called the Spider with the kids, I was running and skipping down the exit way towards my husband and put my hands in the air like it was a party. When I got to him and we hugged, he whispered to me, “You are so young!” That made me feel good. I’m glad he didn’t say “You are so immature” even though that is closer to the truth! lol

I am finding that everyday is about CHOICE. One bad choice (or several) need not continue or discount good choices OR determine my next choice. I really love this quote that Christine put on her post a while back and I’d like to share it here:

Whether we're on the path toward victory or defeat is determined by the very next choice we make. Not the choices from yesterday. Not the choices five minutes ago. The next choice. Our very next choice. May it be that of an overcomer.

by Lysa Terkeurst

Every day I start fresh with my healthy food choices. I refuse to be a statistic! I truly believe it’s possible to keep this weight off and maintain a healthy lifestyle, even when life gets hard and stressful. Being healthy makes it easier to handle the stresses of life! I’m still counting my blessings. Life is good!

Chicken salad with cottage cheese Salad with chicken meatballs (and hot sauce)

Here are some of our dinners (lean and greens) we had the other day. Yummy.

I'm still here......

2011-08-27T14:02:00.000-06:00

I’ve been avoiding writing here in my blog. I keep thinking that I will share things when I really get a grasp on it. Yet do we ever get a grasp on it? It’s the journey, I suppose. In my journey, I have been SO blessed. But it is also SO hard. Like I’m sure it is for everyone. I have been experiencing times of eating good and times of making bad food choices. I am now 15 pounds heavier than my goal and I do not like that. I do NOT want to gain my weight back. I do NOT want to go back into a negative, self-loathing state. I am in a new place and a new environment and I have to work HARDER now to keep the positive momentum I started. I had so much motivation in Oregon and here I find myself stumbling to find my motivation. I am new. I am unknown. I am isolated. But I don’t have to stay that way. One of my Oregon friends reminded me a while ago that I am not unknown to Him (Jesus Christ). I am not forgotten by Him. And she is right. It is through my Savior that I was able to reach the unimaginable goal of losing my weight. I cannot ever forget that! And it is through Him also that I will keep this weight off and not get drawn back into a life of sadness and sorrow and self-hating.

I went to a women’s fireside this morning and heard a mother/daughter speak and sing to us about their trials and faith. Their story was amazing and inspiring and I found myself weeping. One thought that the daughter shared was that our suffering comes from seeking our will over God’s. That following God’s will won’t take our pain away but it will take away our suffering. I’ve also thought about the concept that when we suffer, it can mean that we need to repent. I first talked about in the first weeks of my journey back in this post. At first that sounds preposterous because it isn’t always our fault when we are made to suffer. Yet maybe it’s our lack of not forgiving someone else, or not handling a situation as we know God would want us to that makes us suffer. There is still so much pondering on that I need to do.

A friend sent this Youtube link. It was everything I needed to hear set to some beautiful music and I’m so thankful she sent it. I’ve watched it several times and written the words down so I can remember them. Although these are words from a leader of my Faith, I think someone may also be needing to hear these words and be inspired as I was.

What does all this have to do with health and weight loss? For my journey, it has everything to do with it. Because my journey has been one of letting go my will and turning to my Savior and submitting to His will. Miracles have happened in my life because I have turned to Him. It’s about changing me on the inside as well as the outside. I know that I NEED HIS help to do this!

A couple fun things to share. We had a fun time with family at the park the other day. I love being closer to my sister and sister-inlaw. I even practiced playing baseball for the first time in years the and I can still hit a ball pretty far! It was way fun.

Also, Brent and I rode our bikes for a 10K the other night and I didn’t even break a sweat. That felt good.

And, we had some good friends from Oregon visit us just yesterday... our first to do so! We had dinner and played games and laughed a lot. We were overjoyed to see them... and I secretly wanted them to stay for several days. It was so nice to see their friendly faces from our Oregon “home”. Life is good!

Life moves pretty fast...

2011-08-17T12:27:00.000-06:00

...If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” as Ferris would say. I can tell you, I am trying not to miss life, but working on enjoying it. Are you enjoying life? I am alive and kicking as I hope you are too.

Food wise, I was noticing my trend in mindless eating and often eating more than I needed. So, I’ve recently took a stronger approach to my eating and I am more dutifully eating every 3 hours now and small portions again. I have specific things I’ve listed out that I am eating to balance out the healthy protein and carbs - including Medifast food as I already love those meal replacements. I already feel better about it.

Exercise wise, I am keeping active but I haven’t been running in like 2 weeks. Brent and I would like to run a 5K coming up here so we need to get our butts in gear.

But, EXCITING wise,

We now have two miniature dachshund girls!!

Introducing Zoey and Chloe.

They are 2 years old and already house trained. How lucky is that! Boy, do they add a new dimension to our home and family. We love it!! They have so much energy and within hours they have accepted us as their new family. It is amazing how they can come from the only home and family they've known for 2 years and so quickly give us their total acceptance and love. It kind of reminds me of our move here and how we have left the only home we've known for 14 years.

And the previous owner said she went jogging with them and they are used to going 3 miles. Perfect! I have gone short distance jogging with them and their little legs can cruise! Sometimes I could not keep up with them. They will have to slow to my pace.

And here is one of the fabulous views we had one evening in our valley. Peaceful, serene, quiet, calming, gorgeous, dry and hot describe our new area here in Utah. We love it! It will take some time to get settled in socially, but the area is perfect.

Life is good!

We are Family....

2011-08-01T12:10:00.000-06:00

We got kitties - Happy are we!

We have KITTIES!! They haven't even been with us 24 hours yet. Tommy and Tango joined us yesterday. They are 13 weeks old and we're tickled pink to have them. My youngest said yesterday "Moving here just got ten times better!" Tommy is the grey one, Tango is the orange one.

Saturday I went running again and with a running partner this time. It was awesome. We went 3 miles in 35 minutes. She showed me a whole new running path and we had a nice visit. Sure makes moving here a little nicer. Hopefully we'll go running again this week.

But one downer is that my weight is up a little from my norm. In just a week it jumped like 8 pounds. Yikes! It has to do with what I'm eating, which included eclairs from a baby shower and cake & ice cream from a birthday and too many PB & J sandwiches. Now I'm pulling in those reins! I've got my knox blox and lots of healthy food in the house. And I've got my kids watching me like a hawk! They know I don't want to go back so they watch what I do around desserts. Sometimes it annoys me but overall I am thankful. :) Life is good!!

For the first time...

2011-07-29T13:11:00.000-06:00

I made knox blox here in my new house in Utah. Yay. I guess that really solidify’s our move; I’ve made my mainstay snack. Not only that, but there was a women’s church activity last night and I took my knox blox as one of the desserts. I had peach/banana flavor and raspberry/huckleberry flavor. They were enjoyed. My first social function and it wasn’t too bad. I was mostly by myself smiling at everyone but I did meet a lady who has done a triathlon and who goes running 3x a week. Bingo! Possible running partner. She also goes about 3 miles which is about what I’m at so that might work out good. I am a little bummed that I can’t find any group that plays basketball. I am really gonna miss that!!

Yesterday I went running again in the morning. This time I took some Advil before running and said several prayers that my knee would last a little longer. I was able to run for 35 minutes!! My knee was strained but not too bad. Although, my leg muscles are very sore today, I’m glad I went again.

My daughter and I went for a bike ride last night again. I showed her the cool trails that we had discovered the night before. I think I got her hooked because she kept wanting to go over a series of small dirt hills all rolled together. Wickedly fun. She said “Wow, mom, we’re so dangerous!” It was so fun and the evening air was cool and great smelling! We rode clear to the foot of one of the mountains and looked back for a great view of the homes in the valley.

Food wise, I haven’t been keeping strict tract of myself but I have been generally working on eating lots of fruits and veggies. For snacks I am loving cashews, fresh pineapple, red peppers, celery, bananas and beef jerky. I am excited to be making some great overall changes to my family’s eating habits. There is still lots of room for improvement. We make lots of salads. I hope to have a garden next year.

And next on the horizon is getting 1 or 2 kittens!!! Then in a month or two, we want to get 1 or 2 miniature dachshunds! How cool is that gonna be!! We have waited YEARS to get pets. And who knows... maybe we'll eventually get chickens and goats and who knows what else?

I hope you are having a great on-plan day, making healthy choices and being kind to yourself and those around you. You are worth it! Life is good!

I never knew...

2011-07-27T21:40:00.000-06:00

That I loved nature SOO much!! There is something about bringing my eating into harmony with how God would want me to eat and being able to enjoy all of His creations. When I was heavy, I don’t remember loving the outdoors or smelling that fresh air or noticing the intricate beauty of trees and mountains! I feel like I can’t get enough of it now!

To rewind back a bit... these last few days have been hard. Brent has gone back to work and I don’t know a single soul here. There is so much to do and I find myself sleeping in way late & my kids do too. I’ve layed in bed early in the mornings thinking to myself that I should go run. I haven’t run since well before my move and I have been eating extra calories. I need to get more active! But I find reasons to lay in bed and rest or think and procrastinate my mornings away. BUT today, I got up and went running! Yay me! I ran for 20 minutes until my knee started hurting. I will need to build it up again so I’ll take it easy and not push it. It was a nice run and I enjoy seeing my thin shadow on the pavement. It still surprises me that it’s my shadow! Brent and I are thinking about running another 5K in August here in Utah. That would be our first 5k running together if we do!

Then tonight, my girls had a church activity so me and the boys had a delicious dinner of salad and tai peanut chicken. There was a loud thundering and lightening storm around dinner time with a major downpour of rain. After that was all done, we went for a bike ride. WOW! Pictures just can’t do justice to the beauty here. We live in our own valley with surrounding majestic mountain ranges and amazing sunsets. There are gravel and dirt trails all over along with paved trails. There are fields of wheat and bushes of mint and all kinds of yummy smells.

We had so much fun exploring for several miles around our house and naming the dirt roads our own names so we can refer to them later. I could explore those trails for hours on end and never get bored!

Today was a good day.

Next, I hope to get my kids signed up for school and pray that they will find good friends - kindred spirit friends. And I may slip a few prayers in there that I will find some too!
Life is good!

Yay... I have internet again!

2011-07-22T01:29:00.000-06:00

It’s been two weeks since I last posted and it feels like months! I write from a new place. A new home, new state, new climate, a new outlook... but before I share that, I’ll rewind just a week ago today when Brent flew into Oregon.

We knew with our move that our work was cut out for us, so we snuck out to the midnight showing of the last Harry Potter movie! It did not disappoint!

Then the next two days we spent loading and preparing to move. Not to brag... but... I had everything boxed and even all the shelving in our garage taken down and ready for my man to load. I was aiming to impress and I did! We hoped to fit everything into the biggest moving van we could get, and much to our disappointment it did NOT fit. So I ran off to rent a trailer to tow behind our suburban and then our stuff still did NOT fit. So we packed our suburban full tilt and still we had to leave stuff behind and just give it away. Be the end of Saturday night, I was too exhausted to even feel emotional about it. I left my Dyson vacuum! (I made such a fuss just to get one a few years ago). Drat.

Okay... moving on (no pun intended)... after a glorious nights sleeps at our friends home - who had our whole family over for a dinner and relaxing sleep - we left the next evening after last minute details and attending church. So we drove away from our church parking lot with some of our kid's friends waving us farewell. What an epic way to leave!

Brent drove that huge moving truck and I followed in our suburban towing the trailer. Every time he swerved, I was calling him on the cell phone asking him if he was fully awake! I got a little paranoid... oops! We stopped only for gas and restroom and to down our 5-hour energy drink.

I went through a whole box of tissues on the way as I felt myself getting sick. It helped that we (my daughter & I) listened to the Dramatized New Testament on CD the whole way - which was awesome. We made it to our new home in 16 hours - and on my 43rd birthday. Happy Birthday Me! BTW - our new home is in UTAH (sorry I didn't include that before:)

We’ve moved 11 times in our 22 years of marriage... and this was our hardest move ever. But having said that, this was also the move that I have been up for the most physically! I even surprised myself that I didn’t run out of energy and could last for as long as I did and do as much as I did! I know it’s having that weight off that has made the difference. I am SO thankful for that.

Every day so far, after unpacking and cleaning, I go out for a bike ride and I am just loving the little paths I’m finding. There isn’t the green tree’s and foliage from Oregon, but there are amazing mountains and dirt pathways and jumps to explore. Very cool! It’s a new start and a new life... and we are finally together as a family again! Check out this view from last night looking out from my garage. Amazing!

My list of “to do” things is still huge and the work to do is overwhelming. I also miss Oregon and our friends there so much! It’s so much harder to say goodbye and leave for me... it really tears at my heart. I think I am built differently that way. It feels like we are already long forgotten! I know the past is just a memory and the future is not here yet, but the present is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present. So I am enjoying the present! And being with Brent and my oldest son again is the best! Life is good!

TIme Capsule Found

2011-07-07T15:46:00.000-06:00

As we were boxing today, we ran across a time capsule that belonged to one of my daughters. She was excited to open it. It's from the year 2005 - so it's 6 years old. Included in the capsule was this picture! We had won something in our apartment complex at the time of this picture and we went to claim it.

Just thought I'd post this real quick because I was a little shocked to see this picture. Seems like yesterday yet a lifetime ago! I should blow it up and put it on my fridge to help me remember that I'm NEVER TO GO BACK!

Maybe we should make a new time capsule! :)

The Funnest thing ever...

2011-07-06T23:20:00.000-06:00

is RIDING MY BIKE!!
I love it, I love it, I love it!!!

Today we started boxing. And I don't mean the sport... although it was kind of like a sport in that we got tired and sweaty. Just my three kiddies and I and we did pretty good. If I can get a good amount done every day, I'm hoping to not get overwhelmed. But there is a LOT to do! :)

Here is our meal together. I made a family favorite for the first time in over a year: Tator Tot Casserole. I used extra lean ground beef and ground turkey breast, and light cheese. It was delish. The key is to have a big ol' salad with it. I will not make this very often, I'm thinking.

So... after all our packing, it's nice to go for a little bike ride. My thing is to ride without holding the handlebars. It is so fun. It freaks out my little guy and he keeps thinking I'll crash.

What is your funnest thing ever?

The Fear of Insignificance

2011-07-06T01:12:00.000-06:00

I have a prominent memory of a time when I was 9 years old when on a Sunday afternoon, my older brother Mark, shared with our family a poem he had written. Now, I am the youngest of 7 children - 5 of whom are boys, and when you have that many siblings, you have to often fight to be heard or noticed. Or so it seemed to me. I don’t remember what Mark’s poem was about, but I do remember how much my parents and siblings LOVED his poem and were so impressed with his ability to write. I remember all the praise and attention he got for it.

So feeling the need for some praise and attention of my own, I headed by to my room and proceeded to write my own poem. I struggled through my writing and rhyming and after lots of editing, I emerged with a poem. It was called “The Future”. My first real poem ever. I excitedly came out of my room and hurried to my family to share my accomplishment and read my poem to them.

I smiled and beamed as I read it... and waited for their response, hoping they might think it had merit as I thought it did. They did think it was good. The problem was... none of them believed that I actually wrote it! I tried to convince them that it was my own work but they just smiled that smile that says “That’s nice Margene... we know you just really want attention.”

Looking back, this event was a beginning of my belief that those I love don’t truly value me or my talents and that although they care about me somewhat, I am insignificant to them in reality.

INSIGNIFICANT

It’s 33 years later and it’s amazing how those feelings still haunt me. It is a very painful thing to believe that! Beliefs like that have ruled my life, brought me so much sorrow, been the source of an unimaginable amount of tears, kept me feeling alone and unwanted, and fed into my self-loathing. No doubt a catalyst for my overeating and becoming obese as well.

So yes, my life has changed. And yes, I am recognizing the big “lies” I’ve believed for so long and I do feel happier in my life than I have in years! It has taken time, but slowly I’ve been letting go of these beliefs and choosing to believe a positive view. Those chains have been loosening and are falling away. It is totally refreshing and like feeling free!

But sometimes that feeling creeps back in... usually at a very inopportune time. Something is spoken or something happens or something makes me question... and that fear of being insignificant - of being expendable, patronized, or only tolerated by those I love - floods my mind and heart faster than a flash flood! And it brings an immediate pain to me physically in my heart. I cannot describe the power it has over me and the power exhorted on my soul to embrace the thought and believe it. It is so hard NOT to believe it. Even though I know this is from the Adversary - and he knows my “achilles heel”, it still takes every last drop of effort and prayer for me to overcome. It’s so easy to surrender and just give in to sorrow and spend a few hours weeping in my bed - which sometimes would turn into days or weeks. Just like the old days. But I don’t want to go back to those old days!

I am sick of fearing that I am insignificant! “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” 2nd Timothy 1:7

I love the words to the song “Where love is, there God is also. Where love is, I want to be...” Those words mean so much! I don’t want to be in the place where I don’t feel His love! So I will always have to fight it, when those feelings creep in. I don’t want to allow satan to steal my joy anymore!

I hope someone reading this can relate to these experiences and benefit from what I’ve learned (and still learning). I wouldn’t wish this kind of heartache on anyone. “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” John 14:27

Happy Independence Day!!!

2011-07-04T16:01:00.000-06:00

Happy 4th of July my friends!! How wonderful to live in this GREAT country. I'm feeling blessed today.

We got up early, my 3 kids and I - (Brent and my oldest are in Utah). And we went to the city center to do the CAT walk/run 5k!! My daughter was running it with me while my other daughter and son were saving spots along the parade route with friends.

I drove with my friend and her daughters and hooked up with Joy and her daughter there too! We had a fun little group!

Joy and Margene

The weather was perfect and it was a beautiful sunny morning. After our little aerobic warm up, the race started. Immediately I was separated from everyone in my group - because of the crowd and since we all were at different paces. But I started my pace and just kept it. I didn't think to bring my ipod and without having a partner right beside me, I knew I was in for some mind-games! About one third the way in, I thought of my parents... and in my mind I dedicated this run to them. I was also running for my sister who is a cancer survivor. It became an endearing and emotional run right away.

Then I thought of Brent and imagined him running next to me. I sang the words to "Whole Wide World" that I have posted in a previous post... I stared at the road ahead of me and tried my best not to think about how much longer I had. The last stretch, I lengthened my stride and was really feeling it. There were parade spectators who seemed to cheer the people in front of me and the people coming after me. I felt very solo and wished I knew someone along the route I could wave to and who could give me a cheer. But I imagined it in my head. I pushed it, hoping to match or beat my record from the Starlight run of 42 minutes.

When I came up to the finish - it said 34 minutes 14 seconds!!!

WOWEE!!!

I crossed alone with no one waiting for me or with me or any cheering... but I felt like I just won the lottery! It felt awesome!

Soon Joy's daughter, and then Joy came running across. She ran the whole way too! What a rockstar!! And then my daughter and her friends! So Awesome! Here I am with my daughter after our run.

Last year this was my FIRST 5K and I just walked it. I remember it being quite hard to just walk it and I did it in about an hour. Now I'm here a year later and I ran it in 34 minutes! I feel so thankful that I could do this!! Below is a pic with my friend and I from last year and then this year!

2010 CatWalk

2011 CatWalk

What a difference a year makes. How many years of my life went by and I did NOTHING to improve myself. How many years did I feel tied up in doubt and self loathing. I hope to celebrate every single day of my life and every single blessing I have! I don't want to waste a single day anymore!

I hope you have a FABULOUS day, my friends and do something to celebrate YOUR life and the lives of those you love! You are worth it! Life is good!!

Only 18 days left!

2011-07-01T00:11:00.000-06:00

I felt like deleting my last post right after I wrote it... but you know... I’m keeping it real. I have done better since then! (thanks for all your encouraging comments!) It’s a learning experience. I told my kids the other day that our whole family is going to need to be on board with continuing healthy eating! That we can’t have our old type of foods in the house anymore... like at all. If we eat like that every once in a blue moon... then it needs to be OUTSIDE the home and NOT brought back into the home.

So... STRESS! How do you handle it?

How do you handle anxiety? Disappointment? Rejection? Pressure? Criticism? Self-criticism? Worry? Loneliness?

Can you laugh things off and let them go or do you take things in and absorb it completely?

How do you learn to marinate in the Good, the Positive, and the Hopeful and ignore the other stuff?

How do you embrace all the positive in life and let go of all the stress and negative?

These are the things I am learning and practicing. It’s a new way of life for me! It is taking lots of pratice and letting go of the old ways I used to think and react to things.

Yes, it used to be that like 10 brownies with milk would be comforting... soothing... heavenly even. For a short-term fix. But long term... not so much.

I absolutely LOVE to ride my bike. It’s like a new love. I practically dream about pulling it out of the garage and taking off all the time. I LOVE playing basketball. I LOVE running WITH a friend. I used to not love these things but they are new loves now. I love to sit in my chair and look down and see that there are a few inches on each side of my hips before the sides of the chair. I love feeling pretty again. You have no idea how long I have felt SO unattractive... ugly even. I LOVE feeling like my husband can be proud of me. I LOVE feeling closer to my girls because of how I feel about myself. I know I keep saying these things over and over but I keep feeling it over and over. My life has so changed. I feel so humbled to have been given another chance. Another chance to live better, be a better example, be a better wife and mother, a better sister, a better friend, and better to myself.

We are moving in 18 days!!

(Acckkkkk)

(On my B-day even!)

Guess what?

We FINALLY have a place to move to! The house that we have an offer on (short sale) that we’re waiting on the bank for - we actually get to move into and rent it from the owners until it closes. This is a HUGE blessing and an answer to our prayers. Brent will move into it next week, actually. He’s been living in my brother’s shed. So he’ll have time to do some clean up and fix up of our house before we move. I haven’t packed a single box!! YET. But I will. I did have a yard sale and got rid of some of our stuff.

Life is going to get busy really fast... and it’s all exciting. It’s also VERY bittersweet to be moving from our friends and family here. This is going to be a very emotional move for me! I get a lump in my throat just thinking about it. I miss Brent so much, though. I am SO hug deprived... I never realized how much I need and love his hugs every day. Talking on the phone just doesn’t do that the same!

In trying to enjoy every moment here in Oregon, my daughter and I rode to the farmers market the other day, which we have never gone to. After exploring all the booths and buying NO junk food, we rode through the town and treated ourselves to panda express. Notice, I chose the steamed veggies and lower carb sides! Then we rode home. Total sweetness.

Life is good!

I am so baddddd!!!

2011-06-23T16:03:00.000-06:00

I am SO naughty!!
I am SO evil!!

I just made a batch of sugar cookies and ate a ton of them just now! With milk too! We are getting ready to celebrate my daughters birthday and I was telling myself that I was making them for the party. I am SO BAD!!! I already ate cake at the reception dance I did the other day. One and a half pieces of cake. Rich cake. Wedding cake.

I am going jogging tomorrow....

So EVIL!!!

I will try NOT to eat the pie and ice cream they have later for the party.
EVIL!!
BAD!!

Okay, gotta go now.... party is at the park and I am driving...

Butterflies...

2011-06-21T14:59:00.000-06:00

I’m home back in Oregon now and life is fun and crazy. It’s like the inside of the cyclone sort of. Tonight I have a DJ event I am doing by myself. Loading, driving, unloading, setting up, MCing, running music, taking down, etc .... all without Brent. For some reason, I am extremely nervous as I want this event to go well and not have any probs w/ the equipment or vehicle or finding the place. Knowing that it’s just me is a lot of pressure. But I’ve done this for years - albeit, usually with somone.

There is also no food in the house - except for a couple bunches of VERY ripe banana’s that were left while I was gone. So.... I made banana bread. Yum. Oh banana... how I have missed thee! Your yummy sweetness, your enjoyable smell... oh banana how I love thee warm and moist... Banana bread makes everything right, doesn’t it? Except I shouldn’t eat too much of it.

The scale shows me at 138 today. I was so pleased to be under 140 after my trip to Utah. Traveling can throw you off and it’s hard to get all my water in. I meant to go running this morning but didn’t get to it... if I don’t have someone to go with I easily just end up not going. But I did ride my bike to the bank so there’s a few miles. It is beautiful outside and I am so thankful to be with my girls again and I know there are bright things in the future. So I am plowing through today and hope I survive!

I also am signed up for another 5k in a couple weeks. I walked this exact 5k last year after I’d lost some of my weight. How awesome to come back this year and run it! I am so thankful that I’ve gotten to this point in my life where I can finally do this. It is so liberating to feel capable and I know where my strength comes from and will never forget that!

I’ve been trying not to have soda but today I'm going to drink some diet Dr. Pepper and hope these butterflies take a break.

Take care, my friends! XoxoxOX ~Margene

I'm still here....

2011-06-18T11:57:00.000-06:00

In Utah with my man and boys. Okay, yesterday I did indulge more that I should. Brent and I actually went out on a date and went to my new favorite place to eat: Zupas!! Okay, we need one of these in Oregon. They have incredible salads and sandwiches.

Here is a pic of their salad menu. I had the Red Raspberry Spinach and it was SO good.

Today I want to go and try the MangoBerry salad. Then we perused University Mall. Okay, this is the mall we cruised through as teens but it has really changed in 26 years. Doesn't seem quite as "cool"... BUT...

I did finally have my frozen yogurt!! Let's see, it's been about 2 years and it was pretty yummy. After that we went and saw "Super 8" and we had buttered popcorn. THIS is where I should have not given in. I wasn't hungry, I just wanted to munch. So I did eat way too many calories. But, lesson learned. I told Brent I don't want to have movie popcorn again for a LONG time. I don't need it. I went through my whole weight loss months without it and was fine! But it was fun for one night.

And this morning.... we went running. And guess what? I ran 3 miles without stopping! ... in 36 minutes!!! I totally wasted my man!!! It felt so great. Here I am in Brent's "shed" after the run.

Something about jogging just brings my emotions out. As I was finishing the last 1/2 mile, I thought about the book I've read called "Running with Angels" about an obese woman who lost her weight walking and running. I thought about my angel parents and imagined them running with me. Finally... I feel that they would be pleased with me! You know, I bear their names. Marjorie and Eugene - they put their own names together to come up with Margene. I used to not like my name. Finally, I can represent their names and honor their legacy of love, service and devotion to the Lord. I finally don't see myself as their obese loser daughter! I can't even express how amazing and liberating that feels for me. Brings tears to my eyes.

Today, we're off to see some of our homes. One of these homes will most likely be our own home in just about a month. And we're so excited to finally get pets. Here is my little guy with "Ellie"... my brothers dog.

This kid needs his own dog, I tell ya. It is SO fun to see him playing with Ellie.

I hope you, my friends, have a wonderful day and make good choices and enjoy your life because it is good!!
XOxoxo ~Margene

What do you do...

2011-06-15T22:56:00.000-06:00

When your girls head off to girls camp and your son and man are in Utah and it's just you and your little guy?

You fly to Utah and surprise your man!! (and your other son)

Thanks to my wonderful niece for her non-rev tickets, I am sitting in Utah right now. We flew in and surprised him at his work. It was SO worth it.

Tonight, we went for a bike ride. I used my son's bike which has a way smaller seat (how fun!... sort of)... but we went by the old street I lived on and the house I grew up in that my dad built! I saw some old neighbors and I stopped by and visited. The old Margene would NEVER want to see people who knew me... they'd just gawk at how fat I had gotten, or so I thought. But tonight, it was so FABULOUS to talk to old friends, especially ones who knew and loved my folks. I love it!! I will talk to anyone now. It's funny because no one recognizes me!!

THIS is my mountain! Yup. If you go to Utah Valley (just south of Salt Lake City) and see this here Mount Timpanogos, I want you to point and say "Hey, that thar is Margene's Mountain!" This is the mountain I grew up looking at and loving. I even climbed it during girls camp one year. And it has the coolest story about an Indian maiden who died after her lover was killed, and you can see her outline profile on the top of mountain. Her feet are on the left and her head is 3/4 the way on the right.

While in Utah, I plan to have some low fat frozen yogurt. I haven't had it in like 2 years. So far, I've kept my eating in check and have not given in to any over indulgences.

AND - earlier this week I ran another 5k. It is so weird to think I can do that now. And I've been bike riding almost every day. I absolutely LOVE being active!!! I'm getting to where I can't stand just sitting and watching TV. Life is good!!! xoxoxo ~Margene

It’s a bad thing when....

2011-06-11T16:25:00.000-06:00

You do not have the ingredients for a fresh salad or a nice lean and green on hand...

BUT

You do have all the ingredients for sugar cookies at your fingertips!

Before I go on, let me just say that I kept really active this week. I went running one day probably at least 2-3 miles, biking at least 3 days, basket ball two days, and general running around a lot (that counts right?). Here are a couple pics from one of my bike rides... so gorgeous!

So what I’ve noticed with my weight and my eating is that... I fluctuate. I’ve stayed within 10 pounds my goal weight or even under which is good. Still finding that balance and NEEDING to set myself limits.

And not to sound like I’m full of excuses, BUT my husband and oldest son are in Utah now and I do have a LOT of stress, loneliness, pressure, responsibility, worry, and frustration placed on me right now. We are moving mid July and the two oldest men in the family won’t be here to help pack or anything...until the day we move literally. And we don’t even have a house or place whatsoever to move into yet! And I know Brent has more stress on him right now - he is struggling more than I am, poor guy. Yes, there’s my sob story. We all have one, don’t we!

AND STILL... I know we are not forgotten. I am enjoying a life of freedom like I haven’t in over 25 years. I am mesmerized by the Oregon beauty, and cherishing every moment with my friends here. My kids aren’t being TOO difficult and I have been enjoying my time with them. I am gaining a huge appreciation for single parents! I do have hope and faith that one of our offers will come through soon. I do have hope and faith that somehow our finances will stretch and we will somehow make this move and we will be together again as a family and have a fresh start in a new place.

SO UNTIL then, I made cookies and downed them today. Naughty me!! But, I’ve also made a lot of good choices this week. Key thing is, I need better ingredients in my house so I have better food choices. Weekends are hard for me without Brent here. Everyone else is with their families and husbands. But I know I can do hard things! You can do hard things! God did not create wimps, ya know? My life is forever changed for the better because I have dropped my weight and I am dropping the negative that I’ve fed for too long. I really am so blessed!

So... I’m going to Keep Moving Forward. Who’s with me?

Life is GOOD!! xoxoXO ~Margene

"Keep Portland Weird!"

2011-06-06T00:31:00.000-06:00

That was a line I heard yesterday as I ran my FIRST 5k race EVER in the Portland’s Starlight Run. And I think we kept Portland weird. There were tons of people in costumes including eyeball man and the muppets “Animal”, along with the runaway brides and the chasing grooms.

But during the race, I didn’t have time to truly enjoy all the scenery because I really was kicking my tushie! I felt like slowing to a walk before I was even half way through. There was a good upward slant the last half of the race, and being kind of warm and at night made it a different running scenario. It was playing on my mind games just a tad as I was anticipating it to be “easier”... ummm... No.

BUT... I RAN the WHOLE 5K!

Woo Hoo! Did it in about 42 minutes.

Felt AWESOME!

Another super cool thing was my family being there, especially my man, Brent. All wearing our “Believing it’s possible is half the battle” T-shirts. I love that pic above left of Brent and my daughter waiting to see me come running! And on the right you can see me in the cap, my son and my friend waving during the run.

And my friends who came to run it with me - Including JOY! Could it get any better than that? Even my son, who had just gradated high school a few hours earlier decided last minute to run with me too. And he stayed right with me too, what a guy! Here is a pic of our group on the left and Joy and I on the right.

It’s been an amazing weekend! Brent came home - literally by a miracle - late Thursday night (almost didn't get his ticket in time). Friday, my newest “boy scout” son headed off to his first campout, while the rest of us went out to dinner to celebrate our son’s graduation the next day. Saturday, we attended said graduation. I could do a whole long post on this graduation and what it means to us and to me... but I will save that story. Needless to say, I felt a lot of new “mom” emotions I wasn’t expecting to feel. It’s all good. Right after that, it was home to change and then run to pick up my little Boogie Man and off to the Starlight Run.

Brent tells me that every time he comes home (from Utah), we got so much stuff going he’s kept so busy... and it’s not house chores either. During this time home, we went to an open house, for a bike ride, a walk together, celebration dinner, movie, High School Graduation, 5k event, parade, and church - all in 2 and a half days. Awesome stuff! Sure beats laying around the house groaning and being depressed and eating crappy stuff. Those were our old days, ya know! The weather was PERFECT while he was here... sunny and gorgeous. Today, after I dropped him off at the airport, while driving home I saw raindrops on the windshield. It’s like the Lord gave me the sun along with the hubs for those 3 days. That was the best gift! Life is good! My life is good... I can see that now each and every day! XoxoXO ~Margene

TWO DAYS!!!

2011-06-02T20:04:00.000-06:00

Until my first official 5K race!
I played some bball last night and hurt my ankle. At least when I went to bed, it started to throb quite painfully. So I am trying to take it easy (no bball tonight) so's I can run on Saturday because I am so STOKED.

I went jogging with a friend the other day and we ran a 5k at about 44 minutes. (stopping to walk only briefly). So I know I can do it. It's amazing to come from just 1 minute of running to 23 minutes in one shot. I still feel extremely nervous for some reason.

I got me some T-shirts too... I am liken these!! It's all about what you BELIEVE, this is true. Believe the best or believe the worst and you give power to that thought. So why let all those negative thoughts waste our energy anymore?

Brent comes home in just a few hours. He almost didn't make the flight due to his ticket arriving in the mail just hours before he's to leave. Thanks again to prayer! I am SOOOO wickedly excited to see him for this weekend. He's on a plane right now!

My latest favorite food is this Ramen Salad. Oh my.... SOOO good! With cabbage, broken up ramen noodles, craisens, and a dressing made from olive oil, rice vinegar, and the ramen seasoning packet. This is the basic recipe I like to use. I also like to put some cut up rotisserie chicken in it too. I really have to portion eat this salad because it is so addictivly good! It's all about Moderation and Portion Control for me right now and ever!

It's gonna be an amazing weekend!

I'd like to thank you for all the love and encouragement you give me on this blog:
Michele, Kimberlynn, Joy, Julie, Loretta, Josie, Lucy, Sarah, Lisa, Gracie, Deb, Natalia, Kristin, MaryFran, Lynn, LauraAnn, Angela, Jennifer, Suzi, Christine, Karla, Sam, Lori, Debbie, Melissa, Casey, Tori, Sharon... and everyone who reads and cheers me on (if your name isn't listed, consider yourself included)!! I wish I could share my love, gratitude, and encouragement with each of you.

And Tammy and Carda... my dearest "real world" friends - I love you!! Thanks for supporting me with so much positive and believing in me and taking time for me... it means more than you know!

Dianne, Carolyn, Emily, LaTrease, Julie, and Joanne - I feel so blessed to call you friends.

And my most awesome sister, Kay... how I love you sis!! You are the best.

And my man, Brent, you've see me like no one else does and you've been there for me since I was 15. You always looked beyond and saw the good in me even when I haven't seen it myself!! There is no one truer than you! Can't wait to really be together again in our own home!

Wow... I don't know where all this sappiness came from but I am feeling so thankful and humbled tonight. Okay, gotta wipe these tears - but it's all good! Life is good. Wherever you are in your journey, thank the Lord for your life and make it the best you can because you are worth it, my friends! XoxooxxOX ~Margene

Defying Gravity

2011-05-30T15:41:00.000-06:00

I can run 10+ minutes without stopping! I have proven to myself and can do this! I was talking to my friend who has run a marathon and a triathlon and telling her I was up to 9 minutes, and she said that if I can run 9 minutes then I could run the whole 5k being that my system has built up it’s endurance. Just her telling me that gave me courage and I went out and did an hour run in sets of 10 minutes and the last run being 14 minutes. It ended up being 4.4 miles. That is amazing that my body can do that... that my mind can tell my body I can do that!! Just 3 weeks ago I could barely run 1 minute!

I feel like Elphaba in “Wicked” when she sings “Defying Gravity”! I so relate to this:

Something has changed within me - Something is not the same

I'm through with playing by the rules, Of someone else's game

Too late for second-guessing, Too late to go back to sleep

It's time to trust my instincts - Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try Defying gravity

I think I'll try Defying gravity

And you can't pull me down! ...

I'm through accepting limits ‘'cause someone says they're so

Some things I cannot change But till I try, I'll never know!

Too long I've been afraid of Losing love I guess I've lost

Well, if that's love It comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy Defying gravity

Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity

And you can't pull me down

Everything I do that is new feels like I’ve conquered my old self! It feels like I’ve taken my limits off. It feels like I am defying gravity and refuse to be pulled down by old limits.

Here is a new case in point:

I totally screwed up my eating this weekend by BINGING on sugar. I made brownies Saturday night and a double batch of sugar cookies Sunday and helped myself to Way Too Many (I don’t want to even list the number). I even had my daughter hide the cookies from me sunday night or I would have finished them all! I felt guilty and bloated and disgusted with myself.

While I ate these sugar bombs... I enjoyed them and felt like I “deserved” them and that all my good efforts would counteract this indiscretion. I was lonely and feeling sorry for myself. I wanted and deserved to be comforted. I rationalized my eating. It doesn’t end there... this morning, I convinced my daughter to let me have just a few more. At first she would NOT let me (good girl), but then my other daughter defended me and and told her to give them to me and then they did. And I ate another like 10 cookies. Drat!! Then I felt guilty again. Thankfully, my son finished those blasted cookies off, now the temptation is GONE.

So as I was driving my kids to swimming today, I was feeling defeated somewhat and wondering how often this is going to happen... when I just thought:

This doesn’t define me! This doesn’t have to “happen” anymore! I choose for myself! I will say how my story will go. I don’t care what the statistics are... I am the captain of my boat!

And I realized that in these “temptation” situations, I did NOT turn to prayer for help.

So I am NOT defeated. I am wiser! I will NOT have boxes of brownies in my house from now on... or cookies. I will keep temptation far from me and remember to ask for the Lord’s help Daily or hourly if needed. I refuse to beat myself up and give in to self-loathing thoughts again (no more calling myself horrible names!) I’m through accepting limits! I WILL defy gravity. Who’s with me?

BTW - Saturday night (after the brownies), I went to the gym and ran/walked a 5K in 46 minutes!! WOO HOO! So I have this last week to build up to hopefully running the whole 5K on Saturday. Brent comes home this week, and my oldest graduates... so much fun stuff going on. AND we’re hoping to hear that one of the houses we have offers on will be accepted this week. Hoping and praying and DEFYING GRAVITY!!

How will YOU defy Gravity?

The Only Sports Team...

2011-05-27T00:37:00.000-06:00

That I have been on was 9th grade basket ball in high school when I was 14 years old! There I am number 31 on the left.

I LOVED basketball, thanks to my 5 big brothers (as well as baseball, camping, playing outside, bike riding... and most things “tom boy” style). But I was so extremely lacking confidence. I spent the whole season debating if I should quit. I felt like the mis-fit of the team and it was shortly after this time that I started gaining my weight and nurturing my self-loathing thoughts and habits...

BUT

It has always been my favorite sport.

Finally... 28 years later, I played me some BBALL! With my knees wrapped up and a few quick prayers (social anxiety) I made myself go to our church’s women’s basketball night. I was one of 5 women that showed up and we played some FULL COURT scrimmaging 3 against 2. WOW, does that get the heart pumping and it was dang fun! Yes, I sucked... I missed most baskets except for one here or there... but I was guarding like a hawk. Defense was always my fort-ay, because I am a shorty at 5’3” (you’d think I’d pick a better sport to love). I'm the one on the right.

The tall lady in the middle is a friend I've known for years and she bragged me up about losing all my weight. That was nice. Feels SO good to be able to play and run. I felt so alive! All these ladies have 3-4 kids each and they are GOOD players. I feel inspired to keep playing and get good again.

As far as food. I’ve been back to my plan this week. Today, I splurged off a little but from Monday - Wednesday I was pretty self-disciplined. My weight tipped up over 140 at the beginning of the week but was down again today to 137. I will be monitoring myself and learning what I can and can’t eat to maintain my weight in the 130’s.

It must be a huge fear for every morbidly obese person who looses their weight... that fear that you’ll gain it back. It is a strong fear for me. It’s like when I eat something sugary and high calorie Or I just eat too huge a portion - I can feel my stomach bloated and yucky. I instantly feel like I’ve gained it all back again right then. It is truly terrifying. Even though I know I haven’t, the yucky feeling inside makes me FEEL like I have. Mind games... gotta learn to control the thoughts. And forgive mistakes so I can move on and not keep making the same ones. It’s all in the journey!

This week I made some tuna steaks using this recipe. Yum! (Yes, I’m in maintenance so I treat myself to pineapple now). Also, I like these teriyaki chicken from Costco (pre-cooked). Great to put on my salad - fast and simple and tasty.

Take care my friends!! Life is good!

XoXOxo ~Margene

Bad Bad Bad and Good Good Good

2011-05-22T02:51:00.000-06:00

Have you ever seen Thumb Wars? There’s a scene with Thumb Lea where she meets Thumb Vader and she says something like “You are Bad. Bad is Bad. I am Good. Good is Good. Bad bad Bad. Good Good Good.” It's hysterical and I laugh every time I see it. Maybe it's those dorky thumb faces, but it's funny. Anyway, I think this weekend, I have played both Thumb Lea and Thumb Vader!!

THE BAD:

I think it’s because Brent is home, but I have thrown caution to the wind a bit (okay, a lot) with my eating. I have let myself splurge... dang it. I have been so bad bad bad! Fruit Pizza, beef jerky, 1/2 PB & J sandwich, carmel popcorn, movie butter popcorn, diet soda, chips (just a couple, tho)... at least it wasn’t all in one sitting. And I actually did say “no” to licorice. Yay for that. I don't like the way most of this food makes me feel. Yucky. It’s BACK ON PLAN tomorrow for sure!!!

THE GOOD:

But the GOOD has been fabulous. Thursday was our 26 mile bike ride, Friday we hung out and went to yard sales. I got some new boots with heels... again, I haven’t worn heels like... EVER! And I got a new hot pink purse and hat. Those who know me, know that I name my purses. And lately, my daughter and I are getting back into listening to the “Wicked” soundtrack so I had to name my purse “Galinda”, of course!

Friday night, some awesome friends of ours hosted an open house for us to be able to say goodbye to our friends before we move next month. It was truly thoughtful of them and SO wonderful to see everyone. So many friends showed up (over 70)... how amazing is that! Very humbling actually! Actually it IS amazing because I have convinced myself many MANY times that I have NO friends - which has been the source of my greatest heartaches. That will be a whole different chapter to cover in the book of my life, I tell ya. I am mighty good at convincing myself of anything negative but that has been an IS changing! We are really going to miss all the friends we’ve made here in Oregon... I can’t even think about it right now, because it brings an immediate lump to my throat. We are so blessed!

Then Today (Saturday), we went and climbed Multnomah Falls. We can’t move from Oregon without having climbed this!

At the Very TOP of the Falls!

Squirrels... practically ran over my shoes... SOO cute!

WOW! You know what? It totally didn’t kill me at all!! It’s about 1 mile up at a steep incline. It was amazing and perfect weather with an overcast sky but not too cold. On the way down, it was a little hard on Brent, but he did awesome.

I can’t imagine how hard it would be with 145 more pounds on me! I treasure EVERY new experience. I kind of feel like a kid experiencing life all over again.

We didn’t bring any flowers! Drat! What were we thinking?

Then, later on, we treated ourselves to the new Pirates movie in 3D.

My new pink hat and purse, Galina. This is what cool looks like! Talk to the hand.

(Brent told me to pose like this - he likes it when I have an "attitude"!)

SO.... training for my run is resuming on Monday. I’ve got some friends joining me on this 5K run in just 2 weeks. How cool is that! I’m so excited to have Joy running this with me too... and she WILL be kicking my butt because that woman rocks hard! It is key for me to BELIEVE that I can accomplish anything - including this run. It’s a daily effort for me to believe that the best will happen; and to believe and think positive thoughts about myself and others, and then to act on it. But the more I practice... the easier it gets to believe. And there is power in believing!!

God Bless.... XOXO ~Margene

Movie Marathon & Pizza Galore...

2011-05-19T21:21:00.000-06:00

Brent is HOME! All is well... peace abounds... smiles galore!

(I kind of have a funny story from picking him up at the airport... I may put it in another post)

Okay, so in times past, a fun day date with my hubs would be something like having a Lord of the Rings marathon (using the extended edition DVD's, of course) and ordering some large Pizza Hut pepperoni & supreme pizza’s. Shoving it down with loads of diet soda or chocolate milk, and making a double batch of brownies or cookies and pigging out while we watch. Seriously, that used to be our ultimate date!

BUT NOT ANYMORE!

Today, instead of sitting around watching Frodo traverse the beautiful forests of Rivendale... we RODE OUR BIKES through our own gorgeous Oregon Rivendale. (Mind you, I love LoftheR). But nothing compares to the date I had with Brent today.

Just starting out

We conquered the Oregon Vernonia-Banks trail! Our first plan was to try and go 6 miles in and then come back for a total of 12 miles. That’s a lot of miles for people who haven’t been riding bikes for any distance consistently. The paved trail is lined with the most beautiful trees, barns, trestles, railroad tracks, green fields, pathways to explore, ponds, little streams, little animals, cool bridges and Blue Skies (at least or today). Brent said it was the "best day ever" and I have to agree!

What we ended up doing was 14 miles in... with more than 1/2 of those miles at an uphill incline. Then we came 14 miles back out for a total of 26 miles!! It took us about 4 hours. Four hours of the best date ever! Yes, my legs burned, I panted, I got hot, I got cold.... but it felt AMAZING! Just a year ago, I wouldn’t even dream of being able to do this.

At the end - 26 miles!

We were both remembering almost a year ago when we first got our bikes out after I had lost 70 pounds and rode about 5 miles and we felt we were superstars! That had felt amazing. I am amazed at what I find that I can do - that I didn’t ever think I could do.

What do you think you can’t do?
Maybe you should re-think that and just go for it!

The Lord has also blessed me with my knee feeling better!! I am now running up to 7 minutes at a time. Can’t wait to go jogging with Brent, who apparently feels that I am going to kick his butt. He’s put 10 pounds back on while he’s been in Utah (mostly due to stress) and is feeling that he’s not in as good of shape. (This is quite the role reversal, I’ll tell ya, as Brent has always been more the athlete than me since High School). But he worked it today - He IS the MAN!!! I like the idea of kickin’ his butt, though... is that bad?

You know, life is hard. We move in a month, Brent did not get a position at work he applied for that he really wanted (which would have been more money and less stress), money is scarce, the homes we’ve been trying to buy in Utah have not come through for us yet - so we’re moving with no place to live, there are issues with our kids that need addressing... and on and on.

But you know what? Life is still so good!

For me, it used to NOT be good. Everything brought me down. I still get down at times. But my outlook has changed.

You know what is different from a positive person vs. a negative person?

It is their PERSPECTIVE.

It is about looking beyond the moment or the situation. It is about seeing the whole picture. It is about seeing things as they really are and what is really most important.

I am so thankful to start a new perspective in my life. After so many years of negative... I am so thankful to shed that. My chains are gone - I have been set free.

So bring it on... Life is SO GOOD!!

Zumba Zumba GaZumba Zeng!

2011-05-16T13:16:00.000-06:00

I went to my first Zumba Class this morning!

Was it way Fun? YES.

Did I get all the moves? No.

Did I do moves that I wouldn't do anywhere else? Yes.

Can I salsa? No... not yet.

Will I go back? Yes!

I'm pleased with myself for going to this even without a partner (like I did with Yoga as well). In years past, I was so insecure I wouldn't go try anything new without someone with me, usually my man. I like noticing my growth especially when it's so easy to think self-defeating thoughts. No more.

Here's proof: Me right after class. I had my left knee in a wrap which it needed. I felt a little strain on it so I took it easy. Tomorrow I'm going to try running for up to 7 minutes if my knee will let me.

I also made some new Knox Blox flavors: Raspberry/Huckleberry and Peach/Pineapple/Banana. Yummo. Brent comes home Wednesday night!! Can't wait.

Have a FABULOUS day my friends and remember:

Learning as I go...

2011-05-14T20:00:00.000-06:00

I am learning about my body! Imagine that. I think when you overeat constantly, you get used to “tuning out” so that you can continue to over eat irresponsibly and be in denial about your health. Or at least that was true with me.

So, I really am on the maintenance wagon. The training wheels have come off (mostly). I have experienced binges and cravings. I have experiences major guilt and last minute work outs to make up for calories eaten. It’s a new way of thinking. I can’t beat myself up, and I can’t let myself off the hook. I will forever be mindful of what I eat! It’s a new way and attitude about living. But it’s all good... it keeps me relying on prayer, ya know!

I have kept my weight below the 140 mark... fluctuating as low as 132 and as high as 138. This morning, the scale said 136. That’s all good... I just don’t want to get above 140. Having said that, I don’t want to be a slave to the scale either. It’s about getting more tone and building my endurance.

Which brings me to my 5K training. I am 3 weeks away from “running” my first 5k! This week was my 5 minute run / 2 min. walk. Monday, I did great but by Wednesday, I had a pretty swollen and painful knee!! I was limping and in pain. Drat!! I iced it, and took ibuprofen and tried to burn calories using my upper body... at least one day I did.

This morning, it felt better enough for me to try running. I had support wraps on both my knees and headed out. Well, I did the first 5 minute run fine, but on the 2nd run my knee started hurting after 3.5 minutes. And on the 3rd run it hurt after 1.5 minutes. Drat! So I walked the rest and walked a good hour in the BEAUTIFUL Oregon sunshine. I even found a little trail among the trees that lead to a park. It reminded me of pics that Suzi often posts... just gorgeous! I pulled off my headphones and listened to the birds and trees. I felt a rush of gratitude for such a beautiful earth we live on and for my Heavenly Father and all He’s given me. I’m going to miss Oregon, but I look forward to exploring new trails in Utah!

So here I am today in my most sexy work out clothes. Yes, those are Brent’s PJ bottoms... uber cool, don’t ya think? Had my knee braces on underneath. Major dorko. I really need to invest in active wear. But I’m so glad to even be active! I don’t care as much what people think.

My man comes home for 3 days this next week. It will be so wonderful to see him again. Our move is next month and we still don’t have a house nailed down. I KNOW the Lord has something in store and the timing will all work out SOMEHOW but right now, it’s all up in the air. I’ve learned to do all I can and then Trust HIM. Life is GOOD!!!